rain.

June 9, 20158 Comments

One rainy day, not too long ago, I sat on my front stoop as Cali took a potty break. The rain had been coming down all day and the skies were a dreary color gray. As I sat on my steps, I glanced over at the flowers sitting on a pot to my right. They looked like they had weathered a storm and they had. The rain had let up for a bit, hence my outside sitting, but it was clear that they had been roughed up with some heavy drops earlier in the day.

And I thought, “Isn’t that how life feels? But what’s that they always say? After the storm comes the sun?”

It was a nice, feel-good moment.

And then I thought, what a crappy cliché that is.

No, really, I actually have decided I strongly dislike that saying. What an annoying bandaid statement to throw at someone when they are being beat down. Well just wait, the sun will shine soon!

I mean, it’s true for my flowers last week. The next day it was sunny and they clearly appreciated the extra watering, standing taller and prouder than ever. And I could sit here and write to you about how our life is like that – we weather the storm and it’s for our good, blah blah blah.

But as I sat there looking at these flowers, I thought about the flowers in Seattle. Those flowers don’t see a whole lot of sun. In fact, they have a lot of gray skies. Or Antarctica. The flowers can’t even survive there because of the elements.

It made me realize that for some people reading this, you are a pot of flowers in Seattle and the rainy season in your life is long and hard. The drops hit you hard and your stems break and it feels like it’s never going to stop. And you know what, it may not. And that sucks and I empathize so greatly with you.

And for others of you, you’re a pot of flowers in San Diego and life is just about perfect. (Well, let’s pretend there’s not a drought going on.) But the rainy days are few, the sun is bright and you seem to have a constant bloom happening. And that is awesome, what a gift you have been given!

The reality is we can’t control the weather just like we can’t always control our circumstances. We may not know when the sun is going to come out next and we might be hanging on for dear life for just one more day. But as corny as this sounds, you’re still alive. Every day you wake up, you have another chance to live a day where the rain might stop, the clouds might part and the sun will shine on you.

For me, it’s worth the shot. It’s worth embracing and pursuing each day with the hopes that the storm is passing. It may or may not, but for now, my petals are still hanging on there. It comes down to attitude and perspective and we can either complain about the storms for hours on end or we can suck it up and dig our roots in and wait.

I love how Isaiah 25 reminds us that God weathers the storms with us and offers us protection. I feel like His presence is like a big umbrella. We hear the rain beating down and we still feel some of the raindrops and wind, but we are protected. He takes care of us even when it feels like the rain will never stop.

“They’ll see that you take care of the poor, that you take care of poor people in trouble, provide a warm, dry place in bad weather, provide a cool place when it’s hot …. But You, shelter (us) from the storm and shade from the sun …” (MSG 4a, 5b)

Have you been there? Have you ever felt like the storm is never going to pass? What are you learning in this season? Are you transferring the rain into something beneficial for your life? Are you digging in deep and hanging on to His promises or are you ready to let the storm take you away?

Don’t stop hanging on. At some point, the sun will come out. God wins. It’s only a matter of time.

On that note, congratulations to our winner of the Every Drunken Cheerleader … Why Not Me? + Starbucks card giveaway! After over 1,000 entries, Rafflecopter has randomly selected Natasha P. as the winner! Natasha, I will contact you shortly!

For those who didn’t win, the author, Kristine Waits, is running an awesome deal for everyone who is interested in a copy – A SIGNED BOOK AND FREE SHIPPING if purchased through her site! What an awesome deal! Don’t miss out on buying a copy now because it won’t last long! :) Click here to be routed directly to her webpage.

Have a great week!

june giveaway.

June 4, 2015June 5, 20158 Comments

You know what I love? Reading something that makes you feel a little less crazy, a whole lot understood and helps you through the messy journey of infertility. A few months ago I shared a book during a Q & A series that did all of that for me while also encouraging my faith and validating the fact that you can be a Christian and still wonder “why”. The book is called Every Drunken Cheerleader … Why Not Me: Wit, Wisdom & Warmth from Your Fertility Challenged Friend by Kristine Ireland Waits. First of all, can we just giggle at the title? I think it just goes to show you the humor she has, which is laced throughout the pages. Anyways, I am sharing this with you because Kristine has graciously offered a signed copy of her book to the readers of this blog in a giveaway that I am so excited to host! If it was possible to place this book in each of your hands I would, but at least I can make one lucky person’s dream come true!

To enter, all you have to do is leave your name and email (so I can contact you if you win) through Rafflecopter. You can earn more entries by sharing or following, but if you simply just want to throw you name in the hat, it’s super easy! Oh and because reading also requires a good cup of coffee or tea, I am throwing in a $5 Starbucks gift card for the winner too! A free signed book + Starbucks? What’s not to love!?

Enter now by clicking this link: a Rafflecopter giveaway

I will be drawing the winner and announcing on Tuesday, June 9th so don’t miss out! This contest is limited to those in the USA mailing area however for those who are interested in purchasing this book directly, head over to her website, Barnes and Nobles,or Amazon to order a copy (it’s print to order so don’t let the “temporarily out” scare you off) or download it on your Kindle today. If you enjoy reading my blog, you’ll click immediately with Kristine! Good luck and happy reading! :)

costco lessons.

June 2, 201541 Comments

A few weeks ago I went to Costco. On a Sunday. At 11:30 am. Yes, I see my mistake here, especially after driving around the crowded parking lot for 10 minutes trying to find a spot that wouldn’t require me to pull out my walking shoes. (Ha, kidding, I don’t own walking shoes.) But I was in a good mood and ready to handle the crowds so I could grab a few things.

Well, the place was a zoo, like, even zoo-ier than normal. (I was reminded quickly of my brilliant idea to suggest a ‘sample lane’ for those who wanted to snack and linger and a FAST PASS lane for those who didn’t. Great idea isn’t it?!) But as I bumped carts and grabbed my items, I was amused watching the chaos go on around me.

And so, with my 5-6 items, I headed to the checkout, where it appears that on this particular Sunday, Costco was attempting to compete with Black Friday lines. After glancing at lines 10+ people deep, I picked my lane and got ready to wait.

And wait.

It was clear there was an issue with the registers on all the lanes. The beeping and error messages were ringing loudly and the people around me were getting exasperated. I putzed on my phone, determined to wait this out. (After all, organic eggs and a lifetime supply of cottage cheese can’t be purchased anywhere, ha.) I started to eavesdrop on the conversation behind me. It was a dad with his two daughters, likely about 7 and 4. The youngest daughter was nestled in the cart half asleep, while the older daughter gabbed away.

Daughter: Hey dad, guess what?

Dad: What?

Daughter: I love you

Dad: I love you too.

Daughter: Let’s play the armpit game.

Dad: Okay.

Giggling, squeals, I got bumped. (I did look behind me to see what this game entailed. It appeared to be her raising her arms as he would try to sneak his hands under them in order to lift her up before she could put them back down. It was cute.)

A few minutes passed.

Daughter: Ugh, this is taking forever.

Dad: It sure is taking longer than we expected isn’t it? What a good time to practice our patience!

Daughter: Well, I have been really patient Dad.

Dad: I know you have, you’re doing a great job. It looks like it’s going to be a little bit longer but that’s okay. There’s nothing we can do about it, is there?

Daughter: We could tell them to get some more registers and then maybe it would go faster.

Dad: That’s a great idea, we could tell them that. But how would we want to say it?

Daughter: In a nice voice.

Dad: You’re right. I am sure that the people who are working right now are feeling really tired because they are so busy. But when we leave, if you feel like it still, you could make a suggestion to them.

Daughter: (pause) They probably already thought of that idea.

Dad: Sometimes there is nothing that we can do to fix things and so we just have to be patient, huh? We can make a suggestion if we say it nicely, but sometimes the suggestion doesn’t fix things right away. So then we just have to wait, knowing it’s out of our control.

Daughter: (longer pause) We will get there eventually.

Dad: Exactly. I’m really proud of you for waiting calmly. Let’s just focus on having a fun time in line, okay?

Daughter: Okay! Let’s play the arm pit game!

And just like that, the moment was over and the arm pit game began again. We all went back to waiting and I wish I could tell you the line picked up. (It probably took about 45 minutes) But the conversation between that dad and daughter has stuck with me.

Sometimes we have to wait. Situations are out of control and there is nothing we can do to fix it. Those are the times when it’s really easy to whine, complain, make irritated comments and melt down. But that dad reminded me that sometimes all we can do is stay patient.

I wish I would have turned to that dad and told him thank you and also complimented the way he patiently and lovingly parented his daughters. It would have been really easy for him to let out exasperated sighs and spout off less-than-kind comments to the workers. But instead, he used it to teach his kids (and me) the importance of waiting things out, simply because we can’t do anything else, understanding that we will eventually “get there”.

Galatians 6:9 says it so well – “So let us not become tired of doing good; for if we do not give up, the time will come when we will reap the harvest.”

My encouragement to you today dear friend, is don’t give up. I am preaching this to myself today too. Let’s not tire of being patient, of doing good, of monitoring our attitude and continue to push on. We will reap a harvest when God’s timing is perfect. His Word is reliable and so we strive on, we push forward, we practice patience and we trust Him to come through for us. He will, I know He will.

To the dad in that Costco line, thank you.

PS – I am incredibly behind on comment replies and email correspondence. The embarrassment of being so behind has kept me offline for too many days now and I am SO sorry. I am finishing up a few exciting projects and wrapping up a work contract and then have BIG goals to get back to you. Please know I read every comment, email and pray for you often, even if my typed replies are lacking. It means NOTHING about my deeply grateful heart! XO!

siri.

May 21, 20156 Comments

Driving in an unknown neighborhood can be a tricky thing. None of the street names are familiar and the thought of getting from here to there not only seems impossible, but likely won’t happen. While we were in Hawaii, we were completely reliant on Siri, our phone map guide. We let her know where our destination was and then she politely and calmly told us exactly where to go. There was a time or two we got distracted, talking over her and would respond too late, driving round and round the round-abouts trying to figure out which one was the “third turn, but when we listened, we headed in the right direction.

I wish God was a little more like Siri. Wouldn’t it be nice to plug in a life destination and then have Him calmly spouting out directions?

In 3 years, marry the man sitting in front of you in your college calculus class.

In 2 years, start your family by trying to conceive on the 3^rd day of April.

In 2018, when a new job opportunity crosses your path, decline it, as that company will close 4 months after.

Unfortunately it’s not always that easy. I’ve been part of some great conversations diving into the concept of figuring out what God’s will is. Isn’t it easy to wonder if we are about to take a wrong turn, if we are responding too late, or if we are right on track to our destination? If you are anything like me, it can be a little overwhelming at times trying to figure out exactly what is THE right direction. God, how do I get THERE from HERE?

So God isn’t exactly like Siri, but I do see some correlation with a few take away lessons here.

The first is that we have to stop and take time to listen before acting. When I rush through my route, assuming I know what she’s going to say, I tend to go the wrong way. Same goes with God. When I start to veer off and do my own thing assuming I know what His direction is, I tend to miss key things.

We can’t always plan the unexpected detours. Sometimes we think we have the plan, but then something comes up. A road might be closed, the lights might be out, or that McDonald’s on the wrong side of the road is calling. (Mcfluuuurrryyyyy). There are always those detours in life too where no planning would have ever prevented the delay. That’s when we just go with it. Follow the rerouting direction, even if it seems like it’s not right. It may take us a few minutes longer to arrive, but even if it’s a few extra minutes, a couple more stop lights and the detour seemed ridiculously out of the way, we will still arrive. We need to trust that God, our ultimate Siri, is going to have our backs in all of this. We don’t have to worry about HOW we are going to get from point A to B because He goes with us.

Sometimes when Josh and I are heading out somewhere, we both have different routes in mind. We get to the first stop light and he puts on his left turn signal while I shout “Go right!”. Both routes will take us to the same place, and have their pro’s and con’s. Maybe we would pick one way or the other if we knew about the accident that was about to happen or the power outage that would send the lanes into a snail paced mess, but neither of us are wrong. We would arrive either way.

Then there are the times when we don’t know where we are going and plug the new address in. Siri will offer us 3 different ways to get there and we evaluate our options, look at the traffic and travel times and go with what seems best. Isn’t that what happens in life too? Should we adopt, continue treatments or settle into a child-free life? Should I take that job, stay at this job or apply elsewhere? Should we move to that neighborhood or stay in one? In all things, let’s pray about it, evaluate our options, and then trust Him.

God honors our intentions to choose the right, God-honoring path in life. Regardless of whether they are the “best” long term, He works with it, rerouting as needed. Is our stress over making the “wrong decision” overtaking our decision to simply please God with what we do? And where is the stress rooted – in not being immediately blessed with an answered prayer or displeasing God with our decision? What’s taking over your heart today and how can you trust that when you turn to Him, He will guide you?

“We know that in all things God works for good with those who love him, those whom he has called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28 GNT) God’s going to reroute you accordingly if needed, direct your steps and guide your lives. It’s up to us to trust Him, allow Him to guide us, and stop talking long enough to hear His voice. Sound good?

And now a little Hawaii treat …

(Seriously, can you imagine us trying to shut up long enough to hear Siri? The struggle is real. I get it. But when we did, it was so worth it. Except that one time she took us to the wrong address, which just goes to show you that technology fails, God doesn’t.)

THE weekend.

May 9, 20153 Comments

Happy weekend friends! I feel like I should acknowledge that Mother’s Day weekend is here, however this year, am just not feeling the need to write a long post. I have read so many phenomenal posts this year that I feel like great words have already been spoken. I am in a good place this Mother’s Day. I heard a message in the car by Chip Ingrim that really changed my attitude.

Chip said: “And He wants you and me to remember when you have unjust suffering, when you’re a child of God, you may be going through a rough time, but you are not a victim. You’re not a victim. You’re His son, you’re His daughter….. Let’s say “I’m going to get up today and I’m going to refuse to be a victim.” Sometimes these difficult times are this window where God could mold your heart, and allow you to hear His voice, and to build character and endurance, and create a capacity that could never happen otherwise.”

It’s so easy to allow ourselves to get sucked into the victim mentality, but for me, not this year. This year I am resting on the reminder that while this day has the potential to make me sad and wish reality was otherwise, it also has the potential to remind me that this day in my life hasn’t escaped God’s eyes. This Mother’s Day, instead of allowing myself to feel bad, I am going to fight the pity party, acknowledging still that the feelings of sadness are real, but that my faith and trust in His plan are greater, and claim victory in the story He is writing. (I also plan on protecting my heart and not participating in things that will trigger my emotions. I think it’s perfectly acceptable to skip church on Mother’s Day, avoid social media and still claim BOGO at local coffee shops for Mom’s. We gotta do what it takes!)

If you want to read some other posts about dealing with infertility on Mother’s Day, I’d love to suggest some other blogs and articles! All of these ladies wrote posts that just made me say “Amen!” (If you have a post you would like to share leave it behind in the comments!):

1. Waiting for Baby Bird – I Know You Hurt This Mother’s Day: A Message to the One Desiring to Be Called Mommy

2. In Due Time – A Victorious Mother’s Day

3. For the Love of Mom Genes – An Open Letter To All Those with Mom Genes

Also, my post last year ‘happy mother’s day‘ is similar to what I would write this year if I did a full post, so feel free to click back, read and relate.

So friends, those with kiddos on earth, in heaven, or still simply in their hearts, I wish you a happy weekend. To those still waiting, let’s wait with faith and expectancy. Our arms won’t always be empty. Let’s celebrate the journey we are on and the moms we know we are. Here’s to a weekend filled with joy, love, laughter and the promise of what’s to come

Happy Mother’s Day!

wish lists.

May 5, 2015May 5, 201515 Comments

This post was written en route to Hawaii – I am now back home but just getting to posting it. Also, an updated fertility note and prayer request is at the end. Enjoy!

As I type this, I am sitting a trillion miles about the ground. Okay, not really a trillion but the clouds make me feel pretty high off the ground. It’s 11:18 pm and the outside world is pitch black. The inside of the plane glows with a few lights but the majority of the people are sleeping. Me on the other hand, well, I’m not sleeping. I just read a great quote in Finding Faith in the Dark and it got me thinking.

It said: “In the happiest days and in the hardest days, (we) learn that the present is where God lives and He doesn’t want to be anywhere else.”

If you are anything like me, I seem to love to live in the future, especially more recently. Perhaps it’s because the last few months have been tougher or perhaps it’s because I so badly want the future to hold miracles, sparkles, baby bumps and miraculous celebrations, but this statement made me freeze in my 26C seat. Reality is that there’s a complete lack of control over the future so truthfully, where else can I be living, but that doesn’t mean I still don’t try. I feel like I have spent a significant amount of the last 6 years doing everything last minute, “Well I can’t commit to this visit because I don’t know where I will be in my cycle.” “Well, I would love to say I will be at this wedding but who knows, I could be pregnant and on bed rest.” “Well, I would love to buy a plane ticket to visit you in November, but who knows what that will look like if we do IVF again.” In fact, the only reason my Hawaii trip worked out was because it was SO last minute and I knew with my post-miscarriage cycle that I would be on birth control with no options. But let me tell you, that rarely happens.

So where does that lead me? It leads me to end up living in this half present-half future world. And I lose so much of ME as a result.

In the book, Laurie Short continues by saying “Our response to our circumstances encourage us to be present in our own lives, even when we face sorrow. And we should never stop looking for joy.”

I was floored by her ability to talk about great sorrow and searching for joy in the same sentence but as I unpacked those words, I realized how true and valid it is.Why is it so easy as Christians and as humans that we can get caught up in living in a world where our emotions, joy, happiness and contentment are so linked to our circumstances? I get it. We are humans, many of us reading women, people directed by emotions and powerful reactions to what is going on around us.

I think Jeremiah 29:11 is a common verse for many of us. “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Those going through struggles, whatever they are – infertility, financial worries, difficult children, depression, loneliness, painful circumstances – are encouraged by these words. He plans to give us a future and a hope! We can do this! But today in processing these words, I read all of the verses surrounding this powerful this verse.

I connected immediately with the Message translation, even though all of the translations speak the verses beautifully, and I think you will appreciate the powerful words in whatever you are going through as well: “I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and will bring you back home. I know what I am doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen. When you come looking for me, you’ll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you aren’t disappointed. God’s Decree: I’ll turn things around for you …. You can count on it.”

There are SO many powerful promises packed in these verses and the one that struck me the most was “Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else…”

How many of you, like me, have been tempted to turn to God in prayer because you really want something? Something so deeply and passionately that you turn to what you hope is the magic genie of answered prayers to ask for it. Well, He said that when we pray, He will listen, which should automatically mean that my prayer request gets answered immediately. But man, how convicting is it that we need to come looking for Him and want Him more than ANYTHING ELSE?

Guys, there are many times I pray and think that I want Him more than anything else, but the selfish immature part of me wants Him more than anything else because if that happens, then for sure it means He will listen and answer my prayers. But this verse stuck me because it reminded me that I need to search for Him with all my heart with absolutely NO strings attached to the expectations of how He may (or may not) answer me. Yikes. Separating my really selfish heart between my wants for a child and my desire for Him is realllllllly hard.

So what does all of this mean? Well friends, I think it means that we need to start shaking off our ‘want list’ a bit and focus more on our true “Want List”, which simply is wanting Him more. More than our baby, more than the job promotion, more than the friends we hope to attain or the health that we hope to build back towards. Let me clarify, none of those things are wrong as long as we truly want Him more than any of those things. Because I promise you, nothing at all, ever, will be greater than the peace and serenity that Jesus Christ offers to us.

And what’s the end promise when our motives are pure and our heart is focused on the right things? God comes though. He turns things around. He doesn’t disappoint us. In fact, in His own words, “You can count on it.”

I think that deserves a big gigantic “amen”!

{Fertility Update/Prayer Request: I will be having an endometrial scratch done on Thursday morning. This is the first time I will be having one done and while I know they aren’t done often, feel confident that this is a positive step for us. The procedure itself is done by the doctor, in which he will go up into my uterus and gently “scratch” the lining with a thin catheter. Painful, yes, but I am certain that it will be short-felt. The reason we are doing this is that there is research and evidence suggesting that scratching the uterine lining causes a ‘repair reaction’. This reaction is associated with increasing embryo implantation rates since there will be a little groove for the embryo to embed deeper into and the bodies healing process does increase blood flow and other positive side effects. While some clinics do this while the patient is sedated, my doctor doesn’t so if you could pray that it goes smoothly and is as pain-free as possible, that would be great. This procedure will usher in what we anticipate being our last IUI cycle which will begin in the next 2-ish weeks. I have been told to anticipate discomfort, cramps, and spotting in the days following so continued prayers for recovery would be great as well. If you have had any experience with an endometrial scratch, I’d love to hear it! Thanks friends!}

guest post: be brave.

May 1, 20155 Comments

Aloha from Hawaii! I am having the time of my life here with my girlfriends (although I miss and am not sure how I will even be able to find the words to share it with you all! What a refreshing trip this has been …. and it’s not over yet! I am just checking in today to share with you a guest post that I wrote over on my friend Kailey’s blog Cheers to Plan A about learning to be brave. This one was an eye opener for me to write and I am so excited to invite you over to read it.

Would you do me a favor and stop on over to Kailey’s blog today, read the post I wrote there, and leave her some love!? I LOVE sharing my blogging friends with others because you are the BEST, EVER!!!!

{{ C L I C K H E R E T O R E A D }}

(Print by Holly Holt Design)

Alright, that’s all for me! We are heading down to hit up May Day Lei Day celebrations on the beach! I will leave you with a couple pictures of our first day’s hike along the Na Pali Coast. I need to sort through the other 700 pictures so stay tuned. :)

friday favorites – april 24.

April 24, 201526 Comments

So today is Friday, which means TOMORROW I board a plane and head off to Hawaii with 2 of my close girlfriends and one of their hubby’s. AHHHH! This trip snuck up so fast, granted I know we only booked it 2 weeks ago. All of that being said, I have a suitcase that still needs packing, toes that need painting, and a whole lot of planning that needs to happen in 24 hours, so this Friday Favorites will be a little different! Today I want to ask YOU to share with ME your Friday Favorites! I have had a list going for too long of things that I would love to hear that other’s love, so please, take this week to go through this list and pick an item or two (or all!!) and comment below with what your favorite is! (Or as always, you are welcome to email me at trialsbringjoy (at) gmail (dot) com.) I can’t wait to hear what you have to share!

Favorite Mascara – I feeling like I can never find something that doesn’t flake too quickly but still adds volume. Whatcha got!?
Favorite Book (fiction) – What’s a great book that you have read recently? I need some new authors!
Favorite Book (non-fiction) – What are you reading that is teaching you a lot? I love Christian growth books and am starting to wind down on my to-read list. Build it back up!
Favorite TV Show to Netflix – I am planning on starting on season 1 of Scandal on the plane tomorrow, as I have heard so many things about how good this show is. That being said, I know there have to be other network tv shows that I have completely missed out on. Share what’s good! (And nothing too racy or profane please!)
Favorite Grilling Recipe – We just pulled our grill out for the season and I can’t WAIT to cook on it every night! What’s a favorite recipe you have where you just need the grill? A side? A main dish? Send anything over!
Favorite Essential Oil Combo – I know there are a lot of you out there who use Young Living Oils (or another brand). I adore diffusing mine and am always looking for a great, refreshing mix. I have been mixing orange + peppermint all week and am crushing on that big time. What do you like to mix!?
Favorite Meme – I am always looking for new funnies to include! Be sure to email me hilarious ones you come across!
Favorite Game – Josh and I like to play games at night and we are a little Yam-Slammed, Phase 10, and Golf-ed out. What’s another easy and fun card game we could learn?

SOOOO excited to hear what you guys come up with and share!

On a celebratory note …. guess who turned NINE on Monday!? Our sweet little Cali girl! NINE! I know. *faints*. I was feeling nervous as that number continues to creep up and took her in to the vet this week for an annual check-up, just to make sure things are looking good. GREAT NEWS! She’s a rock star and beyond healthy, so this Mama (and Dad!) are feeling super relieved to know she’s “in her prime” and has a long long life ahead of her still.

Okay and I can’t leave you without some funnies!!

Other than a Guest Blog post next week, I won’t be around too much on here which on vacation, however, I can’t wait to check back with you when I return! Until then, this girl is about to get her beach on in the gorgeous island of Kauai.

Me ka aloha pumehana! (Yeah, no I have no clue what this means, Google just told me it’s appropriate for a goodbye statement.)

broken bones.

April 15, 2015April 15, 201510 Comments

Last night I was lying in bed, wired from way too many iced teas and coming off an invigorating fellowship with my Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) small group. I watched the clock pass by, minute after minute, quietly listening to the breathy snores of Josh and Cali next to me. They were sighing in unison, sounding so similar I couldn’t tell which one was a person and which one was an 8 pound dog. I replayed the events of the day and evening, of which I decided that I definitely talked too much and used up about 4 days worth of words. I tend not to realize how chatty I am until I am laying in bed and thinking “Oh my gosh, I said that didn’t I? And that? And that. Oh boy.”

(The thing about being a chatty extrovert is that I typically forget very quickly all of the “oh my gosh”’ moments but unfortunately then it doesn’t stop me from much next time. Which is why I am doing a Bible Study now called Keep It Shut. For real.)

Anyways, I digress.

The nighttime hour seemed like the perfect time to clean out the Notes section on my iPhone so I began clicking through grocery lists and meal plans, dating back to 2010. (Hey, that’s one way to make a girl sleepy!). Then in one of my most recent notes, this quote was typed out:

There’s no glory in easy. No one remembers easy. They remember the blood and the broken bones and the long agonizing fight to the top. And that, that is how you become legendary.

That’s all my note said. I put my overactive brain to work, trying to figure out where this was from and why I wrote it down. A sermon? A podcast? Something on the radio? A song? A quote by one of those really deep authors? Well, my brain was shutting down quickly so I turned to Google and guess who it credited this quote to?

(5 points if you know …)

Dr. Amelia Shepard from Grey’s Anatomy.

Oh goodness. So it wasn’t from a deeply spiritual source, no, instead God was using a fictional brain surgeons script line who works at a fake hospital with a imaginary board of directors. Eh, whatever it takes right?

But in thinking about that quote, I realized how true it is when we live out the story that God has called us to. Isn’t it the broken bones we tend to remember the most? The hard times in our life sort of act as defining time frames, chapters for the seasons. I don’t remember all of the easy, no-drama car oil changes but I sure do remember the ones when they tell me something is wrong with my car and needs a big repair. I don’t remember the doctor check-up’s where everything looks great, thanks for coming in! I remember the ones where they sit down next to you and say I am so sorry ….. We remember the fight, we are familiar with the scars, we hate the pain of dealing with the broken bones, but it’s the broken bones that give us a chance to do something.

What if we start using these broken bones we all have and start wearing them out loud a little more? What if instead of hating the broken bones with disgust, we start to respect them, viewing them as God’s fingerprint on our lives and knowing that we have a few beautiful, unwanted, but still present, life tattoos. What if we stop hiding these scars – no one needs to know we are struggling with money, with in-laws, with our marriage, with the kids, with a past mistake – and start to use them to create a story that gives Him glory and allows others to see His work as legendary? Because we can sure create a life where things look easy. We can sweep everything under the rug and post the Facebook pictures with smiles and empty sinks and vacuumed floors. We certainly can make it all look effortless, but why? People don’t remember easy and if people don’t remember easy, it’s a lot harder to allow Him to use your story to touch others.

I have had so many beautiful and unique stories shared with me over the years. And each time, I just want to hug the person (okay, I do) and tell them you aren’t alone. Others have broken those bones too. Others struggle. I struggle! Like, all the time! Yes, my struggles in my childfree season may look different than your struggles but I get the premise of struggling.

There a quote, which many attribute to Henry David Thoreau, but I just learned recently is misquoted (meaning I have no clue where it truly comes from) that says “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song (of life) still in them.” Gut punch. I don’t want to go to the grave with my story still in me.

I think far too often we are tempted to hide the broken bones and as a result, we lose us. We lose our story and our potential impact. No, I am not talking about you needing to write a book or start a blog or walk around Target shouting “I SHOULDN’T BE HERE! I AM IN SERIOUS DEBT!” No, I just am posing the question on what would it look like if we started having less of a filter between the broken bones and the relationships we are in.

Victor Frankl says “God did not create us to live in reaction, but to be co-creators of a meaningful life.” Yes, there are going to be amazing moments of easy in our life and they will include special, special memories. But none of us are exempt from the broken bones season either, so instead of negatively reacting to it, what if we ask God how He wants to use this injury to make it more meaningful?

I’m starting to ramble now, but I love where this quote got my mind going and am anxious to see what He does to sprout more thoughts from it. I just don’t want to lose years of my life living in crisis mode. I want to push forward when it hurts, I want the bones to heal correctly so that I can be functional again. I want to redefine hard seasons as opportunity seasons. I know, it’s easier said than done, but I know we can do it.

friday favorites – april 10.

April 10, 2015April 10, 201512 Comments

It’s time for Friday Favorites! Can I just tell you, I go throughout my week thinking “This will be on Friday Favorites!” every other minute and then I sit down to type and think “Ummm, I’ve got nothing.” I need to start keeping a list. Let’s see how this goes. :)

Favorite Thing I am Looking Forward to: Josh and I got tickets for Christmas to see Damien Rice at a smaller venue and I am pumped! I love his music and he hasn’t toured in almost a decade. Can’t wait to make a new memory with my guy.

Favorite Spontaneous-Super-Exciting-Thing: I made up this category, haha! Buttttt *drumroll*, I am going to Hawaii! I know, I know, what!?! So long story short, one of my best friends Jana and her husband are going for a work trip of his. Since he will be working all day, me and one of my other best friends, Julie, will tag along, staying in their 2-bedroom condo and doing girlie things together during the day. Then at night, we will send the lovebirds off to enjoy their time together and have each other to hang out with. I NEVER ever ever thought I would be going to Hawaii before Josh retired (seriously), so the fact that it worked out for us to go in such a cheap way is beyond amazing! The timing couldn’t be better and I know this trip will provide an insane amount of laughter and soul-restoration. So, with all that being said, I just booked my ticket and now leave in 2 WEEKS for Kauai! Talk about last minute and spontaneous! If you have been before, please leave some fun things to do (keeping in mind our budget is small). Oh I am so excited!!!

Who’d have thought I would ever be able to actually GO to the place of my mug!?!?!

Favorite Addition: My new Ohio mug! My friend Margaret thoughtfully sent this over to me to add to my collection. Few things make me as excited as a new Starbucks mug – so thoughtful and SO fun! I love the red!!! Thanks again Margaret for your incredibly kind heart and gift. (Hug)

Favorite Pens: These pens were gifted to me from my friend Amanda a few weeks ago and they have changed my journaling, Bible reading and page noting life! THE BEST! They write super fine and are shaded like a highlighter but don’t bleed through the page. The colors are great and the thin tip is perfect for underlining. Amanda – you hit the nail on the head with this thoughtful gift! LOVE THEM!

Favorite Appetizer: This corn dip is one of my favorites to bring out for a party or get together. My Bible study girls enjoyed it last night and it makes a TON which means leftovers! You can make adjust it to your spice taste (I like it milder) or throw it in a crock pot if you like it warm. I will serve it with Fritos or tortilla scoops and it’s always a hit! (Also gluten free!)

Ingredients:

2 cups (8 ounces) shredded cheddar cheese
1 can (11 ounces) yellow and white whole kernel corn, drained
2 cans (11 ounces) Mexicorn, drained
1/4 cup chopped green onions (optional because I forgot)
1 can (4 ounces) chopped green chilies
1 tbsp of hot jalapeños in a can (add more to taste if you like it spicy!)
Heaping 1/2 cup mayonnaise
Heaping 1/2 cup sour cream
Tortilla or corn chips

Directions

In a large bowl, combine the mayonnaise and sour cream. Add the other ingredients, cover and refrigerate overnight. (Not required but it develops flavor as it sits). Serve with chips. Yield: 8-10 servings.

Favorite Tote: Shout out to Karen for sending this hilariously perfect tote my way! I adore it and can toss a couple books in and head off to a coffee shop. Winning!

Favorite Quote:

My friend Beth runs From Pallets to Parents, where she builds and creates beautiful pallet art for a purpose. They are working to raise money for their infertility journey and she blessed me greatly with this gorgeous piece this week! You have to check out their Facebook page and place a custom order!

But this message – Be You, Bravely – is one I love. We all have the chance each day to be us. Fully us. So often our insecurities or life distractions sneak in and suddenly we forget to be ourselves. Not only that, but we can forget to tackle each day with confidence, embracing the day and live ready to handle what life has in store. Ask yourself, how can I be brave today? What does that look like? How can I be true to myself while being brave? This pallet is a great reminder for me each day. Thanks Beth!

Favorite Cali Photo: Remember that time I made Cali wear my fuzzy socks as leg warmers? HA! I do!

Favorite Easter Memories: Josh and I got to spend Easter with both of our families and really, as always, enjoyed our times together. We had a delicious brunch at Acqua with his parents, which included GLUTEN FREE French toast and Eggs Benedict (served family style, so don’t worry, I didn’t eat all of this.). Then, after a brief afternoon nap, had a relaxing late-brunch with my family, full of prime rib and shrimp cocktails. It was a special day to stop and reflect on Easter and why we celebrate. I love holidays!

Favorite Funnies:

Alright, that’s it for me this week! I am off to continue hanging out with my grandparents who are in town. (Happy birthday to my beautiful Nana!) See you all next week! In the meantime, send over some Kauai ideas AND some book suggestions! I love to read beachy-reads on vacation!