Dear Blog, my little space on the internet that used to be,

Hi! Remember me? Well, it just took me about 17 minutes, 3 password resets, and a tinge of sweat to log back into you, silly little thing. Thanks for doing a great job keeping things safe the last 1,187 days.

Today is Mother’s Day. The kids are 6. Can you believe it? For years we shared this sacred space talking and praying about the journey that would eventually bring us to parenthood. (To God be the glory!) Motherhood is just as sacred and refining as I imagined, and then some. The perspective infertility brought into how I mother is infinite, but also imperfect at always providing a santificed outlook. It’s hard stuff, raising littles, imparting all the things needed to help guide them into becoming kind, generous, Jesus-loving little people. More than ever, my brokeness is reflected daily and I am often desperate for a God-intervention to help mold me even more to be exactly the mom these two tiny people need. Whefw. Since it’s been a hot minute, let me catch you up, Blog.

Mother’s Day 2023

Logan is just the most precious little boy that was ever created. His heart is soft and sensitive, and he is a prayer warrior. I am amazed at his childlike faith and his ability to pray boldly and specifically. He’s also fiercely loyal, loves a good plan, and does his best to be the funniest. He’s a fabulous snuggler, and his smile lights up my whole body with tingles of joy. He’s pretty incredible – what a miracle. He loves to hear the story of how he came to be, and how God told Mom and Dad for 10 years “Not yet … not yet … not yet … not yet …. keep waiting … not yet …. not yet …. not yet …. okay, NOW! The world needs a Logan Adam! It’s time!” His grin stretches out across his face, knowing that even Mom and Dad had to learn patience (and then some, kid!) and trust. But then, oh!, to the glory of God, came Logan!

And then … the sweet cherry on top was that he wasn’t brought into the world alone, oh no. God had a special plan up His sleeve – a twin sister! Not one but two babies! More than we could ever ask for or imagine. Our sweet little Kirsten Joy truly is our joy maker. She’s hilarious, her comedic timing gifted from her dad’s genes I’m sure. She’s beautiful and bubbly, brave and made of a special kind of grit. She loves to twirl and pronounce God gifted her with a beautiful voice to sing Him praises. She spends as much time as possible outside. Her imagination is enormous and there’s no doubt she got her drama from her momma. I see God’s creativity in every details of their lives.

I think of you often Blog, about how my heart, mind, and soul was designed by God to naturally yearn to create and write. Life has been busy. We went through this wild pandemic starting just a month after my last post, and in the years since then, the kids started school, work picked up for me, and life just kind of happened. But you still flicker in the back of my mind. Sentences and words swirl through my brain, being laced together as I pack a school lunchbox, or pick up the Lego explosion in the playroom. Sitting down to write requires an intention I haven’t been able to focus on, but it’s still bubbling. I have been tempted to try to forget the longing, but when I sat in that reality recently, I realized how writing – my heart splayed out on a page – is worship to my Maker, using the gifts He’s given me to bring forth new life in me. I can’t snuff it out, when God has been calling me to find the words to talk about the beauty and mercy and grace and messy and gritty parts of my life. So, who knows, maybe this summer, you’ll be back and words may be splashed about a bit more, trusting God to provide the focus and words to write again, even when margins are slimmer and there’s a thousand excuses not to.

Now, before I go dear friend, I pause here because while it’s only you and I here at the moment, as soon as I press publish, new sets of eyes are invited in. I don’t believe that someone comes across this page does by mistake, so I also want to share a few words with you, dear friend, in case you find yourself in this little corner of the internet.

God sees you. And some days, it doesn’t always feel like your circumstances line up with what you’ve heard about Him. You’ve heard about Him being a “good God”, and yet, ________ is happening, or happened. And it really feels like God has failed you.

First of all, I know God hears you. He sees your emotion, your grief, your questions, and your brokenness. Nothing you feel is too much for Him, nor do your feelings trump the fact that circumstances do not negate the character of God. He can still be good and worldly circumstances can still be horridly hard. My friend Heidi writes in her book “P.S. It’s Gonna Be Good” that “He [God] isn’t calloused to your pain, annoyed by your tears, or indifferent to your heartache. No, God cares….While we are living in the middle of our worst-case scenario and redemption is nowhere in sight, He with you AND still has a plan. Jesus sympathizes with our every weakness (Hebrews 4:15), and He is our sovereign God.”

Friend, I pray that we feel comforted by the fact that Jesus not only knows what He is doing in the situations we’re facing, but that there can be HOPE found in the midst of today. When the world feels too overwhelming to face, I ask Jesus that we would see little glimpses of the reality we aren’t alone. He is guiding us as we look ahead with a mustard seed of faith. We are never abandoned! I pray in the middle of your story here, that you would see flakes of God’s goodness sprinkled throughout each day.

I love in John 11:40, when Jesus tells Martha “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?”.

I believe there’s a cross road where God is asking all of us, to believe He is with us, that He is in control, and that He will display the glory of God through us – through our faith, through our stories, through our choosing to press into Him when life feels bleak. Because even though God feels with us, He is not controlled by His feelings, but His sovereignty.

Signing off, but not for long,

Chelsea

PS – Here’s a song that was playing as I wrote this post – it touched my heart and wanted to share below:

“Every seed, buried in sorrow / You will call, forth in its time / You are Lord, Lord of the harvest / Calling our hope, now to arise.”

“So, what books do your kids love? Like, books about God?”

I love when this question comes across my inbox! It should come as no surprise to you that books + kids + Jesus are my jam, so put all three together and my heart smiles. I actually can’t believe I haven’t written about some of our favorite faith-filled children’s books up until now!

So that’s where we are diving in today!

Free Resource:

Who doesn’t love free?! I gotta share this one first because it’s pretty incredible. My prayer regularly is that my kids realize they were created and made to be kind, brave, patient, wise and loved. This helps give me the words to continue to remind them of that.

Made to Be – My friend Amanda (and fellow co-author of In The Wait!) created this free downloadable five-week activity series. Each lesson features a different way God made us to be, along with the cutest little animal friends to engage your littles.  (I’m kinda partial to Prickles the Hedgehog.)

It’s perfect for 2-6 year olds (or let’s be honest, any age because we all need reminding!). I can’t get over how engaging it is. Plus, because she’s amazing like this, she also created some fun coloring sheets to go along with the activity pages, so it’s the gift that keeps on giving.

To grab these free downloads, hop to her website and enter your email to download (at the bottom of the page). They will be sent right to your inbox for you to either print or pull up off your phone.

Books, Kids Devotionals, Bibles, & More:

Jesus Storybook Bible – our go-to bible for kids. It’s SO engaging, readable, and I cry all the time reading it. It’s a must own.

Very Veggies Devos for Little Ones

Who Sang the First Song?

Indescribable – 100 Devotions about God and science

God Bless You & Good Night

When God Made You

I Prayed for You

God Gave Us You

Love Does for Kids (grades 1-5) 

Jesus Calling for Kids (Ages 8-12)

Jesus Calling for Little Ones (Ages 0-4)

Just in Case You Ever Wonder – actually just all the Max Lucado children’s books…. 

Audio CD’s:

We do it – I throw on a cd in the car or kitchen. Sometimes it’s just too much to fiddle with my phone and bluetooth. Here’s a few of our go-to’s.

365 My Every Day Bible Song Collection (Wonder Kids: Music)

Veggie Tales 150 All-Time Favorite Songs 

My inbox is filled regularly with questions like:

• “What devotional should I read next?”
• “Is there a parenting book you suggest?”
• “My small group doesn’t know what study to do next, any suggestions?”

Knowing that greats are always coming into the market, I will try to do a quick snapshot of some of my current and past favorites for different seasons. If you are looking for a good match, take some time to peruse the descriptions through the link, I will try to give  the quickest synopsis here!

For those struggling with infertility:

• In Due Time: My friend Caroline wrote this 60-day devotional with daily devotionals for those who need hope and encouragement rooted in Biblical truths during waiting seasons.
• Hannah’s Hope: Seeking God’s Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, and Adoption Loss:  This book was the first I read on our journey and brought me immense comfort that I wasn’t alone in my grief.
• Anchored in Hope: This is a book containing devotional essays by 45 women, myself included, that shares scripture for those struggling with infertility. (It was an honor to be a part of!)

• Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby?: I found a lot of comfort in this book during my infertility journey. It is written as a guide for couples-in-waiting.

For those struggling with a difficult season, needing hope (infertility or not):

• Finding Faith in the Dark: When the Story of Your Life Takes a Turn You Didn’t Plan: This is hands down one of my favorite reads during our season of struggling to find purpose in the hard. (There is no direct story line with infertility involved, but it helps you wrestle with the dark chapters of your seasons.)
• Hope in the Dark: Believing God is Good When Life Is Not: I flew through this book (post infertility struggles) and loved it, applicable no matter where you are at in your journey or what your story is.
• It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered: This book deals with processing unmet expectations with God’s Word at the very center. It’s written by the President of Proverbs 31 Ministries, Lysa TerKeurst, and I highly value her writing. (I cannot get enough of this book and am currently rereading it.)
• In the Wait: A Six-Week Study on Waiting: This is another project I had the pleasure of being a part of and is intimately woven into our infertility story, however, each co-authors focuses on a different aspect of finding the ability to live well in waiting seasons, many of whom do not have infertility as part of their story. (There is also a companion study-guide for small groups.)

For those looking for encouragement as a mom in a season of parenting;

• Power of a Praying Parent: 31 chapters broken into different ways you can be praying for your child(ren) with written prayers. Incredibly powerful and easy to apply over and over again.
• Homegrown: I had the chance to preview this with Lifeway and love that this one is for the whole family, kids included! It focuses on cultivating the fruit of the Spirit within each member of the family.

• Pressing Pause: 100 Quiet Moments for Moms to Meet with Jesus: A small daily devotional with Biblical roots and encouragement no matter what mothering season you are in. 

• Grumpy Mom Takes a Holiday: I just finished this book with my summer book club and it was a game-changer. I was worried I wouldn’t relate to it as I don’t see myself as “grumpy”, but it was incredibly impact-ful in how I view my role as a parent and this season with littles.

• Parenting: The 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family: This book contains practical and gospel-centered principles that have been incredibly eye opening and incorporate methods with Biblical truths. I will be rereading this as the kiddos get older as well.

• The 5 Love Languages of Children: The Secret to Loving Children Effectively: Admittedly I have not read this one yet, but have read several other versions of the authors 5 Love Languages. This is on my list for the upcoming year as I now as able to see my children’s personalities (and potential love languages) emerge. 

• Night Light for Parents: This daily devotional (written by Dr. Dobson) is a filled with practical parenting advice and biblical wisdom. Great for doing with a spouse! 

Great for a small group of women:

• Grace Not Perfection: Linked is the companion DVD that goes along with the book. I love when great books add small-group resources. This one is a four-session video series.
• Restless: Because You Were Made for More: This DVD based study kit has everything you need – from the DVD, to conversation cards, to the study guide. It’s based off of Jennie Allen’s book Restless and while this is just one I have chosen, all her small group curriculum’s are awesome. I also have been part of a study that did Stuck which was great.
• I love Beth Moore studies, like this one, Quest, however, there is A LOT of homework, which is based on terrific content, however, know your audience and the season they are in.

• WEIRD: Because Normal Isn’t Working: My small group did this years ago and it’s made a resounding impact on how to live in a way that is against what the world deems “normal” and focus on what God says. Good for male or female groups. There is a correlating DVD series and workbook, but they don’t necessarily line up with the book itself. I found the book to be very valuable for discussion! 

• The Armor of God: All of Priscilla Shirer’s books and devotionals are outstanding.  This is a 7-week study is a workbook style.

 

Authors I like and would recommend – many of which has questions in the back of their books for conversation – linking a fave by each below;

• Steven Furtick
• Craig Groeschel
• Judah Smith
• Lysa Terkeust
• Bob Merritt (my pastor, out with a new book that’s wonderful, I just finished!)
• Jess Connolly and Hayley Morgan 
• Shauna Niequist 
• Bob Goff
• Francis Chan
• Andy Stanley
• Annie F. Downs 

I am certain I am forgetting many great books, so I will update this post regularly with an Edit below to add. In the meantime, have I missed one of your favorites? I’d love to hear below in the comments!

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This post contains affiliate links, which doesn’t impact my opinion at all, but offers my family a small commission if you choose to purchase something through my links. It’s at no extra cost to you and if you choose to use them, I thank you so much!

Happy August my friends!

I saw someone post something the other day that said August is the Sunday of summer, and goodness, that feels so true! I love the slightly slower pace of August, much like a Sunday, and it also holds the gnawing reminder that routine is starting shortly and the grind is about to pick up. We had such a lovely July filled with wonderfully fun things. Josh started building a play set for the kids at the end of May and come July, finally finished the hard work and we were able to roll out the surprise to the kiddos! It’s been a hit! (Note to self: Costco deals are great … there also are 1,039,204 pieces involved.)

Here’s a peek at the standing three’s:

• Here’s the August playlist! It’s pretty eclectic. Don’t judge.
• Ready to sink back into an overview of the summer?  You can download this exclusive free download that’ll give you a place to process through some highlights and gratitudes of the summer! I find sometimes its really easy to fall into the mundane and forget about all the special moments along the way. I hope you find this fun to pause for 10 minutes and think back to all the special moments of the summer! It’s also a fun activity to do with kids in your life!
• Try a new recipe! This orzo dish is a hit with everyone who tries it and is personally one of our faves.

Ingredients:

• a box Orzo pasta
•  EVOO
• 1 yellow onion
• 2 garlic cloves
• 1 package cherry tomatoes
• 1 cup fresh basil
• 2 chicken breasts, cooked and diced
• 1 package crumbled Feta cheese

Steps:

1. Boil pot of water + 2 Tblsp salt, Add pasta & cook orzo for about 9 minutes or until al dente.
2. In separate pan, heat ¼ cup olive oil, add 1 yellow onion (finely chopped) + 2 chopped cloves of garlic. Season with salt & pepper. Cook on med/low for 10 minutes, stirring.
3. Cut up cherry tomatoes (in quarters) & add to onion mix. Cook on low for 15 minutes, stirring.
4. Add 1 cup chopped fresh basil. Heat & set aside.
5. Combine chicken, pasta & tomato/onion mix.
6. Add package of crumbled Feta cheese.
7. Drizzle with EVOO and season with salt and pepper.
8. Serve warm or at room temperature.

You’ll find a few books in my bag right now: this book (which as I grabbed the link for, noticed they are making it into a tv series), next on my reading list, and my current morning read, written by my own pastor! We go through books here all the time, making trips to the library and often buying ones that we just can’t say goodbye too. Right now, Kirsten brings me this book multiple times a day (shout out to Daniel Tiger), and Logan is bringing me this one which is the perfect bedtime read. The colors are phenominal and all of this author’s books are our faves here.

My kiddos have been obsessed with “cleaning” with this Melissa and Doug set. It’s never too early to create good habits right? And maybe help mom out a bit too 😊. My dear fellow twin mom, Rachel, sent Kirsten this gorgeous dress asa surprise and we have been spending the month doing a whole lot of twirls.

And lastly, we were invited to partner with Huggies on their new diaper line, Special Delivery Diapers, and as part of their promotion, I got to sneak in a photo shoot with my littles. (I know, a rarity as a mom!). (But we also love that we got to fall in love with a new kind of diaper that’s fragrance-free, paraben-free, lotion-free and free of elemental chlorine bleach.)

My birthday is next week (Monday!) and somehow I flew through my 33rd year in a blink. Maybe more on that later. 😉

Love always,

Chelsea

PS – Our family lost one of the best this month. 💔 Though age and health let us know it was coming, hearing that Josh’s grandma passed away last week wasn’t easy. She repeatedly told me when she passes, she wants this picture shared. “It’s one of my favorites.”, she’d say. It was our prayer for so long that she’d live to see the day we had children, and we are so grateful for the 2+ years she got to spend in their lives. While they may never remember their Gigi, and while that reality hurts our hearts, we are immensely grateful that we will forever treasure 2 years of abundant memories.

This woman was one of the strongest I know. She made sure we knew we were loved by her, even though she was tough as nails and a little spicy.

She made and held onto our future child’s blanket for years. I remember the day of our last egg retrieval, she sent me an email saying “The blankets (one blue and one pink) are patiently waiting. Of course I’m praying.” …. and it brought us so much joy when we got to tell her we’d be using them both.

In one note she wrote after a miscarriage, she shared “I’ll probably get to heaven before you so you can bet I’ll hold these babies. I’ll tell them how much their Mother loved them and wanted them. I’ll take care of them until you and Josh get there. Love you honey.”

Grandma Jones, I know you’re making good on your promise and are in the presence of Jesus now. Though our hearts hurt for what we’ve lost, we rejoice in the freedom, joy, and new life you’re experiencing. We’ll miss you until we meet again. 💕

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This post contains affiliate links, which doesn’t impact my opinion at all, but offers my family a small commission if you choose to purchase something through my links. It’s at no extra cost to you and if you choose to use them, I thank you so much!

Hi friend!

We are (almost) half way through July and I’m not really sure where it’s gone! How are you? How’s your summer going so far? Are you knee-deep in popsicle sticks, sprinklers, and BBQ’s too? We are LOVING IT. Although my husband is cringing a little bit about sticky hands all the time, hehe.

I am trying to get back to my space here and figured a monthly note would be a great place to start. I’d love to pack it with some free downloads, my monthly playlist, and some of my (and my family’s) favorite things at the moment. I hope you stick around each month as I play around with it!

The standing Top THREE’S will always be music, free downloads, and a fave recipe. At least that’s what I say for now. ;)

1. Take a listen to my July playlist! It’s a little bit of the old, a little bit of the new, with a splash of encouragement. I am all about easy listening and I think you’ll find my music tastes stamped all over this one!
2. It’s never too late to write out your summer bucket list!  I am teaming up with Courtney from Courtney Joy Designs to give you this exclusive free download for a printable summer bucket list. Scratch down some ideas and then get out there and do them! (A few on our list this summer have been a family trip to the zoo, an outdoor concert, making s’mores in the yard, and trying a slip’n’slide. We are about 50% through our list and it’s been a blast to try new things together.)
3. Try a new recipe! My go-to salad for get-together’s in the summer is my Summer Corn Salad. The trick is, don’t have a recipe. ;) But since that doesn’t help anyone here, I’ll share what I throw in there, although it ebbs and flows with what’s in my fridge!
   • 6 corns of fresh summer corn cut off the cob (uncooked – it gives it the yummiest crunch!)
   • a handful of quartered cherry tomatoes
   • a half of a red onion, finely diced
   • 2 ripe avocados
   • 1-1.5 cups of feta (the best salty bite – add to yous tastes. I can’t get enough!)
   • optional add in’s – diced cucumbers, fresh herbs like basil or cilantro, black beans, chick peas, nice thick shreds of Parmesan
     • Once you have your veggies prepped, mixed them together in a bowl with a nice glug of extra virgin olive oil to coat. (a least a few tablespoons). Squeeze a half of lemon (or lime!) over the whole thing to brighten it up. Don’t forget to add your salt and pepper! I love kosher salt in salts like this.

Here’s what I am currently reading: a fiction book, my book club book, and my devotional. My kiddos favorites books right now are this one and this one. We read them ALL. THE. TIME. and your guess is as good as mine as to why they are so loved. Although when I mention them to other moms, or give them as gifts, the parents say the same thing – they are so loved!

A few favorite clothing items finds lately are this Amazon kimono that ends up getting an almost uncomfortable amount of compliments, these leggings with side pockets (LIFE CHANGER), and these pj pants from Target that I want to live in.

My kiddos favorite activities recently have been coloring with these AMAZING paint stix (think our old glue sticks, but kids paint that dries in 90-seconds and washes off with water), playing “cooking” with this 50+ piece pasta set, and playing with these pom poms. (Easy clean up when wet – wring them out, throw them in a pillow case knotted up, and wash and dry as usual!)

Our life saver this summer no doubt has been the Bug Bite Thing. For under $10, I am rallying everyone to grab one (especially parents because stings and bites aren’t fun!) and keep it in your purse. It works wonderful on mosquitoes and I feel safer knowing when we do get our first bee sting, I will have this close by to eliminate some of the worry!

I’m always sharing my life over on Instagram, so you are welcome to follow along there for peeks into the sweet memories we are making, adventures in twin toddlerland, and a whole lot of keepin’ it real.

I’m wishing you all the best rest of the month … keep an eye out for next month’s note and let me know what you think of this new monthly fun!

Love always,

Chelsea

PS – Did you know we were in the New York Times last month? You can read more about my thoughts on the article + my story on this IG post. We also had a bear in our backyard, which, given the sound of my shocked voice in the video, is NOT common. We also celebrated 14-years of marriage at the beginning of the month which is a blessed-treat and took the kids to the movie theater for their first time. Fun all around!

This post contains affiliate links, which doesn’t impact my opinion at all, but offers my family a small commission if you choose to purchase something through my links. It’s at no extra cost to you and if you choose to use them, I thank you so much!

Her absence feels enormous. After over 13 years together, Cali became a part of me. My life revolved around her life. She was woven into my daily world. It’s silly to say she was more than a dog to me, but she was. She was a part of my soul, my first baby, my best friend, the child I couldn’t have for so many years.

Our sweet Cali girl crossed the rainbow bridge on April 28^th and I am painfully aware that my life with never again be the same without her presence. She brought me joy in seasons where infertility stole so much of it away. She was loyal to the end, showing us unconditional love, and quiet acceptance when her world got changed at the arrival of Kirsten and Logan. She was patient with me, put up with so many silly things we’d do, and I hope to never forget the way she smelled like nacho chips.

Our loss, although necessary as she faced the many challenges of old age, has crippled me. My world has shifted and I miss my 8 pound best friend more than words can say. Grief is exhausting, hiding it even more draining, and if I am being honest, I often wonder if it will ever stop hurting. I wish I could go back to our last day together, cuddle her longer, thank her one last time for being such a good friend. I am alone in a world without her, which for so long was my greatest fear. It’s here I feel like I should apologize for the weight of my words, as she was, as many would say, “just a dog”, but she was more than that to me, and grief is such a personal experience. You may or may not understand, but I want to honor the life she had, the love she gave, the healing she brought me, and allow myself to feel the grief as it takes me.

For so long, through each miscarriage or failed infertility treatment, Cali was there, providing kisses and snuggles, a gentle balm to a raw and hurting heart. She matched her emotions to mimic mine and together we would pick ourselves back up and get back in the game. We walked, talked, worked, and functioned as we needed to and soon, we learned to cope and focus our energies forward, on the next IVF cycle, or at least, making a plan. And now without her here, and the grief overwhelming, it’s hard to focus on what’s ahead.

This may all sound morbid. Don’t worry, I am able to function as the mom and (fill in all other roles here) I need to be, but at the end of the night, when I close my eyes, I feel sad. I look over at the paw print the vet took after she passed, and I open and smell the tiny envelope filled with her fur clippings.

Sharing this here is scary, as I don’t want to overdo it and cause concern, however grief can be isolating and there is no shame in being sad when something sad happens.

I shared this message last week on social media:

Here’s the thing about grief. It’s an unknown beast. It sneaks up on you at the strangest times & leaves you gutted when 5 minutes earlier you were “okay”. It’s not neat. It comes it waves. It can be sorrow filled or anger laden. Sometimes you want to talk about it. Sometimes you don’t. Loss is loss. It could be a dog or a person or a dream. I’m here to remind you today it’s okay to cry. It’s okay if you feel out of control with your tears. It’s okay if you’re still in the denial phase and it’s okay if you feel grief mixed with peace. Your grief is your journey. It’s part of your story. It’s okay if what made you feel better yesterday doesn’t today. It’s okay to muddle through and it’s okay if what you’re grieving isn’t what everyone considers “grief-worthy”. I’ve found the greatest way to honor grief, whether it’s been my miscarriages, or now my best fur baby friend, is by acknowledging it. Validating it’s importance to me. Not being afraid to speak its weight and to let the tears flow when they spring up from nowhere.

This isn’t shared for sympathies or pity, but for the reminder that your grief doesn’t need to be something you’re ashamed of. Let’s carry on as the strong women we are, tears and all.

Maybe you are going through grief of some kind too. I pray you feel God’s gentle comfort and reminders of His presence as I have. I hope you also know that you can turn to Him with your tears and questions, and even if you don’t get an answer, know He has still heard you and is still with you. He is with us. And He created those we miss – whether it’s Cali, or your child, your parent or your partner. He understands love and longing.

I wanted to share just some of the most helpful and soothing things people have shared with me since her passing, in case you find yourself supporting a friend who has lost their furbaby. The key themes that stand out are validating the pain, sharing in the love and loss, and making the sympathies personal. I also feel so grateful and blessed when others acknowledge our love for her and the joy she experienced being in our family.

• I hope you know that Cali had the BEST life full of love, and that’s all because of you.
• Oh Cali Bug, you sure fulfilled your purpose.
• Your sweet Cali girl touched many hearts. I always looked forward to “her” posts.
• Cali has been loved by us all for years.
• i know she was such a steadfast friend to you and your family.
• I feel like Cali got so many of us through our infertility journeys.
• (Dog name) will eat a doggie treat in her honor tonight.
• She let you cry tears into her fur during every heartbreak you experienced and made room for two sweet babies that were prayed for and welcomed into your family.
• We all have become attached to little Cali. My heart breaks for you.
• She was so loved and had such a great life and family.
• I’m am just so SO sorry for this loss…. this little girl was your first baby…. and by your side through so much. My heart is truly broken for you guys… the pain is like no other.
• I don’t have the right words, but I’m so sorry Chelsea. That hurts the heart so deeply.
• she will be missed by everyone
• I 💗 Cali pictures!!!! Always with the little head tilt. She was with you through everything.
• She was a such a sweetheart. I’ll never forget her sitting on her back to legs next to me like a human at bible study. [such] a good laugh. She had such a sweet personality.
• I loved Cali’s cameos with your kiddos, the way she played along for special occasion photos and her classic and adorable first day of school pics. I hope you continue to post your memories with her.
• I’m going to miss seeing her photogenic face 😭 prayers that the loss lessens over time.

Cali girl, Bugsy, Littlest, Teeny Tiny, Puppy, Cali O’Malley, Ms. Otis, Baby Bear … you, my dear first baby, taught me about unconditional love, the importance of afternoon naps, and the beauty of how God provides for us in ways we least expect it. I love you and miss you sweet girl. Run those fields of heaven, chase those squirrels, hide those Dingos, and Momma will see you again soon.

This is TWO.

Two is realizing how fast time is going.

Two is watching with amazement at how fast Kirsten and Logan can learn something new.

Two is investigating different things and trying to do everything “faster”.

Two is “luv you”s with genuine joy when they look into our eyes and say it.

Two is tears. A whole lot of them. It’s learning to share, finding out about patience, and practicing what it means to be kind.

Two is splashing in the bath and a whole lot of giggles.

Two is snuggles. Tiny arms wrapped around my neck, squishy fingers touching my cheeks.

Two is learning what they like. Buzz Lightyear. Babies. Veggie Tales. Books. Stacking things and knocking them down. It’s also learning what they don’t like. Carrots. Long car rides. Having to sit down in a cart. Kiwis.

Two is not likely to say goodbye to mom or dad. It’s hearing “mom” 4,502 times a day and even when I am tired, it still makes me melt.

Two is learning to love each other. It’s Logan calling out – “Sis! Come here.” and Kirsten rubbing his back when he’s sad.

Two is learning to bicker and fine tune what drives the other crazy. A stolen pacifier or toy swiped sends one set of feet running in the opposite direction and chaos and hysteria ensues.

Two is fiercely craving independence. Climbing up to their toddler chair with no help wanted. It’s picking out the plate they want to eat lunch on and having a specific opinion on what fork they will (or won’t) use.

Two is singing songs. Itsy Bitsy Spider, Wheels on the Bus, I Had a Little Turtle, and Praise Ye the Lord (Hallelujah) are among your favorites. Two is thinking Hickory Dickory Dock (Simple Songs version) is hilarious and listening to it over and over and over again.

Two is saying “bye bye” to everything. A leaf blowing away, a goose flying overhead, a flushed toilet.

Two is joy. It’s being so proud of how smart they are. It’s being in awe of how little brains learn and adapt so quickly. It’s thinking they are the cutest beings in the whole wide world.

Two is high highs and low lows. It’s adjusting. It’s exhausting, but wonderfully so. It’s a whole lot of asking for forgiveness, saying “I’m sorry”, and kissing boo-boos.

Two is folded hands and asking to “prayers”. It’s listing out our days and thanking God for our blessings, including Shrek, Sully, and Mikey. It’s tightly clinched eyes and erupting in giggles before we get to “amen”. It’s making sure we never forget to pray for our brother or sister.

Two is still trying to find myself as a mom, tightly walking the line of serving my family and taking care of myself.

Two is filled with “no thank you”, “all done”, “’excuse me”, and “mine”.

Sweet littles, I cannot believe you are two. You are the biggest and best joys in your dad and my lives.

Kirsten, you are the most precious little girl we have ever set our eyes on. We chuckle every time you run somewhere, because you love to swing your arms wildly and giggle most of the way.  You love to “get dizzy”, spinning in circles and cackling like you are doing the most adventurous thing in the world. You love to gasp at things you consider shocking, like a book page with a kitty cat near a bath tub. You love watching my reaction to things and always are making sure I am watching you and dad in case you are doing something funny. You thrive on compliments, are brave in new situations, and find yourself comfortable around big groups of people and unknown activities. You love projects. You would sort things all day if you could. You love to unload my grocery bags and hand me each item to put away. You take pride in emptying the dishwasher with me and you find joy in pouring things from one cup to another. You are a caretaker – loving to give your cousin Elijah a bottle or cereal, and will take off running to grab anything he may need, no matter where it is or how awkward it is to carry. You love pizza, so much, just like your daddy. You are spunky, sweet, full of Sissy spice, and I burst when I think about how much I love you.

Logan, you are my sensitive and darling baby boy. We are in awe of how much you like “typical” boy activities, so different than your sister. She builds and you love to wipe it out. You love to show everyone how fast you run. Around and around the kitchen island you go. “Choo choo! FASTER!” you yell, and you wait for everyone to compliment and ohhh-and-ahhhhh your speed. You love to hide and you think jumping out to scare someone is a real hoot. You are the definition of a mommy’s boy and we have to say “Mommy will always come back” together before being separated for a short time. You will always tell me what snacks you ate as the primary news whenever you are at BSF, MOPS, Sunday School, or gramma’s. You are a gentle spirit, caring and always ready to give hugs. You are cautious, usually watching your sister try something first, and then warming your way into something new. You are funny – so silly – and you think your Daddy is the funniest thing in the world. “Daaadddddy!” you squeal in an exasperated voice every time he does something goofy. You beg me at night to snuggle, and you point to the rocking chair and mold yourself into my neck. You’d live on snacks if you could and every time you drink water, which is often, you act like you’ve been in a desert for a year, gasping for air as you finish the glass. You have a sweet tooth just like your daddy. You are precious, spirited, careful and active and I melt when I think about how sweet you are.

You two have us wrapped around your fingers. We are buried in love and will never have this parenthood thing all figured out. We are growing and adjusting, settling in and learning to balance the chaos. We love you two so much.

Happy 2^ND birthday my loves.

As I sit here the house is quiet. It’s 6 am. Josh is at the gym and here I sit, December 1^st, the beginning of the advent season.

The Christmas lights on the tree are twinkling next to me. Everything around me is silent, aside from the gentle murmur of the video monitor and Cali’s breathy snores under foot. Moments like these are precious, magical even, as the calm sets in and I pause for a moment to think about what’s to come this month.

Welcome to the advent season friends. I have to be honest, for ages I wasn’t entirely sure what this season was all about, other than knowing it was a time to get ready for Christmas. Ah, that means 24 days to bake the cookies, wrap the gifts, do the shopping, throw the party, and cram in 104 Hallmark Christmas movies, right?

Ummmm, a little off girlfriend.

As I grew older, and particularly over the last decade as Josh and I were consumed by a waiting season of our own, I learned more about what advent truly means, and now, it represents 24 days that are incredibly sacred in my heart.

Advent is about longing. It’s a time we prepare to celebrate His birth and acknowledge that we are still waiting for His second coming, when broken will be made new and every tear will be wiped from our eyes. It’s such a beautiful season in our faith because it takes intentional time to pause and focus on the waiting. Advent is tender, hopeful, and builds on anticipation. You see, from the end of the Old Testament until the start of the New Testament, there was 400 years of silence. Every year I share that and it never gets old, because I cannot fathom the anticipation, wondering, silence, and waiting the occurred in those FOUR HUNDRED years.

Ummmm is this Jesus ever really coming?

Did we mishear something?

Did God abandon us?

Okay, well, I am about to die, so make sure to tell the future generation to keep waiting well.

And then, the anguish of waiting was over. When the time was right, the answer came.

Louis Giglio writes “The wait was over. The silence was broken. Heaven unleashed thunderous applause. And in a messy manger, Jesus was born. God to human flesh! The Son of God had become the Son of Man – Emmanuel – God with us!”

The advent season gives us time to prepare for that celebration. To focus on the upcoming arrival. To sit in the wait.

Yet, for those who are in their own waiting season, whether it’s infertility, illness, a heavenly reunion with a child or spouse who’s passed, awaiting adoption placement, financial instability, marital strife, singleness, a wayward child – the holiday season can mix in unanticipated grief. It feels you are barely holding it all together as it is; now you’re being told you have to focus on more waiting? And do so joyfully?

Here’s a promise friend – no matter what your heart is carrying this advent season, God will be with you. He will slow our pace, shift our eyes, and remind us how much He loves us. I truly believe He will replace the whirling anxiety and remind us that He will come through on His promises. 400 years of silence was not in vain. He will lift our eyes to see Him. He will gently soothe our aching, bleeding, writhing hearts and tell us how loved we are, how seen we are, how faithful He is, how capable He is, and how we can trust in His hope and promises.

My friend Marissa sent me a beautiful blog post on advent last week, written by a woman who faced infertility and pregnancy loss, which included this snippet:

“As I learned in particular through our lost babies, one after another after another, the joy born out of suffering and longing is more beautiful for its very complexity. I am learning it again in these days in particular when so many are grieving and angry, sad and wounded from the pain of living in this world as it stands right now. The joy doesn’t erase the longing and the sadness that came before but it does redeem it, it may even stain backwards changing how we look at those days or years. But the joy is made more real, richer and deeper perhaps, because we longed for it with all our hearts for so many days.” (emphasis my own)

So good. So true. So rich.

Now, a note to those who are attempting to navigate the holidays while carrying the heavy burden of infertility, I see you. I see how you are being bombarded with images of young children under the tree with their family, and social media hitting you day after day with the joy others are experiencing, not to mention the dreaded Christmas card opening where it seems like everyone you know is announcing a “surprise!” pregnancy. Friend, I know how hard this is and I know that your deepest longing is for a child of your own. The reminders are constant, and you are heavy with sorrow that had you not miscarried, or had your sweet baby girl not been born a week before viability, that this Christmas would look so different. I see you and God sees your pain too.

And now here we go – into Christmas – a season where we are focused entirely about a miraculous birth. And it can be oh so hard. We think about the fact that a virgin got pregnant, and instead of being filled with awe, we think “Well, of course she did! Everyone but me can get pregnant!” (Been there!)

First of all, sweet friend, know that’s okay to come to God’s feet and pray for peace and patience. It’s okay to ask Him honestly why your child isn’t here yet. He’s big enough to handle these questions. It’s okay to tell Him this cross of infertility feels too heavy. These are difficult emotions and feelings to wrestle too, so don’t try to wrestle with them alone. Carry them to Him and maintain open and honest conversation, even if you feel like you are met with silence. His silence does not mean He is absent, I have learned this many times over the years, so hang on tight and be reminded this holiday that God comes through on His promises. It may take what feels like 400 years, but the waiting is not in vain.

My prayer for you this holiday season is that you know how deeply loved you are, that you know you are not forgotten, that you know your grief is valid and real. I pray that you give yourself grace this season to take care of yourself, whether that’s declining an invitation to an event, or starting a new tradition instead of pressing pause on all celebrations until your family grows. I pray that your grief doesn’t stop you from living and being present in the wonder of this season. It’s okay to bake cookies, take a walk to look at Christmas lights, snuggle up and watch some of your favorite Christmas movies, and deck those halls. And I pray fervently, that in this season of waiting and hope, even in the midst of your brokenness, grief and infertility, that your heart can connect with what Christmas is truly about.

For God so loved the world, that He sent His only Son. He looked at the brokenness of the world, and instead of responding with justice, he responded with tender mercy and grace. God took human flesh, His own Son, and Jesus humbled Himself to take on the form of a human and it all began at Christmas.

Paul David Tripp writes: “He would suffer every single day of his life so that he could, with his life, give grace to rebels, extend love to those who would deny his existence, impart wisdom to those who think they know better, and extend forgiveness to everyone who seeks Him.

The love of Jesus didn’t end 2000+ years ago. It is still alive and offered. I pray that as you wait and long this Christmas season, that you remain close to the One who can carry you through this and allow yourself to be held by His gentle peace and comfort.

Happy Advent my dear friends. The weary world rejoices!

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I just started a wonderful Advent book this morning, a 24 days devotional called Come Let Us Adore Him. It’s not too late to Amazon Prime one to you if you’d like to do it along with me! Depending on where you are in the USA, it appears same day delivery is available!

We have a tradition in my groups of friends to give gifts called “Favorite Things”. We wrap up a box filled with some of our favorite things from the last year. Everyone has different budgets for different people, so I wanted to share with you a roundup of some of MY favorite things for the year! I hope you find this fun and also, inspirational! As I started to pull link + images, I was SHOCKED at how marked down some of it is – well below the listed price below as we approach the holidays. Scoop things up fast – they won’t stay on the shelves long!

PS – I wrote this before Black Friday deals were going on, so the prices you can snag these for will be even BETTER! Whoooohooooo!

Happy shopping!

Under $15

Pottery Barn Plaid Alphabet Mug ($8)

Kate Spade Initial Notebook ($12)

Pop Socket for iPhone ($10)

Everyday Baking Dish $10

One Line a Day Memory Book ($10)

Anthrolopologie Voluspa Macaron Mini Candle ($13)

Gilmore Girls tee-shirt on sale! ($8)

Urban Decay Travel Size Eye Shadow Primer ($13)

Crate and Barrel Ruffle Dip Bowl ($8)

Under $30

Blinc Mascara ($29)

Madewell Gemline Stud Earrings ($18)

New Morning Mercies Devotional ($23)

90 Degree By Reflex – High Waist Power Flex Legging – Tummy Control

Sephora Favorites Lashstash To Go Set ($28)

Mellanni Bed Sheet Set ($29)

Old Navy Canvas Tote Bag ($30)

Hope in the Dark book ($20)

Tarte Shape Tape Concealer ($27)

Native Travel Sample Pack (5 scents) $24

Oribe Dry Texturizing Spray ($22)

Exposed Spine Cloth Journal ($18)

Under $50

Hanna Andersson pajama pants ($30-43)

Plaid Electric Blanket ($40)

ESV Study Bible ($43)

BaBylissPRO Nano Titanium Travel Dryer ($34)

Loft Open Pocket Cardigan ($50)

Clinique Pretty Brow Palette ($34.50) 

Under $100

Ugg Slippers ($100)

Day Designer 2019 Planner ($64)

Earth Zane Slip on Sneaker ($87 sale price)

Kate Spade Initial Necklace ($60)

Down Comforter ($110)  – OKAY, I know this is over but this blanket was the best gift I received this year and I LOVE IT.

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This post contains affiliate links that help support this blog and our family if you choose to use them for your purchases. I send you a GIGANTIC thank you if you do! 

This post is sponsored by Opendoor.

Pssst….. can I tell you something?

We are moving.

Eeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkk!

Stick with me here, this is a fun story laced with different ways we saw God in the small stuff.

So, when we moved into our current home, it was supposed to be the home we stayed in forever and ever. And then we had kids and realized there were a few tweaks that we’d like which would make life easier, like not having vaulted ceilings from the living room to the kid’s bedroom door and this little thing called MORE STORAGE.

I digress.

We imagined we would move when the kids were older, in school, when things like showings and packing would be “easier” and our home wouldn’t be so littered with toddler stuff.

But then it all started with a sentence, the one when your husband looks a little nervous to say what he’s about to say because he has no clue what your reaction will be.

“Hey honey, I have been praying about maybe us moving a little sooner than we planned.”

“No.” (Clearly I gave it a lot of thought.)

My reasons were limitless: we are entering into the quieter real estate season, the thought of packing up for showing was exhausting, the concept of keeping a house clean with 2 18-month old twins – impossible. Besides, just the mere consideration of actually selling the house and having to do all of the random tasks (carpet cleaning, wall patching, etc.) was just too much for this momma to think about.

He explained that it was a nudging put in his heart a few weeks ago and he decided to just start praying about it and in return, felt like God was beginning to encourage his heart that this was a good thing.

Gah, how do you argue with God?

I told him I still felt like this wasn’t the right time, but would join him and prayer and we’d regroup in a week.

And of courseeeeee, God started dropping us small and big signs in ways only He can do and it quickly became apparent that this really was His timing and my stubborn fear of all of the what-ifs would be handled by Him. I won’t go into all the ways and reasons, but let’s just say after a week of us praying together about it, God gave us both not only peace, but excitement for this change for our family. We found the most perfect lot, just a few miles away, with land for the kiddos to explore as they grow up, and after putting money down, learned our new neighborhood is filled with families we know and love who just moved in. It makes me smile as I type this because He just reassured us so much and I love how personal He is.

Okay, now the part that makes this momma SOOOOO HAPPY.

Let’s talk selling our house.

Isn’t that always the overwhelming part? Josh came home one day and asked if I had heard about Opendoor. I hadn’t and he filled me in.

Basically, he explained, you contact Opendoor and request an offer on your house. There’s no commitment, you simply give them unique information about your house and then they look at market data to put together an offer . So Josh did just that, he contacted them and a day later, we had an offer. An offer we were really excited about. But it seemed too good to be true?!

We did our own research and once we felt confident their offer was really fair, we signed the contract locking in the offer. After that, Opendoor sent out an awesome team of people to our house and while we were home and playing with the kids, they went through and did an assessment. It was super chill and our home advisor was like “Don’t worry about cleaning and making everything perfect! This is the real Opendoor experience. So just let them come do their thing and don’t sweat it.”

So. Much. Freedom.

There were a couple things they said they would want to do after the house closed, like patch a couple dents our stair gate caused, and switching out this HVAC tubing that was needed due to a code change. They told us how much it would be (a few hundred dollars in our case), and then deducted that from our final offer. It’s all stuff we would have had to do anyways if we sold traditionally so the fact that they were offering to do it themselves made me a happy momma.

Josh and I keep looking at each other because it all seems too good to be true! You guys, we signed the offer and got to pick our closing date, and because we are building, they give us flexibility in changing the closing date as it gets closer if the new house isn’t ready yet. Also, at any point we have the freedom to cancel the deal, however, they are locked in, which alleviates SO MUCH STRESS about a buyer falling out at the last minute of a traditional home sale.

Best part?

No showings.

No cleanings.

No staging.

No strangers running through our house while we park down the street during naptime.

Because Opendoor is buying the house, they handle getting it list-ready once we move out (paint touch ups, carpets cleaning, a deep clean, etc.) and we just get to ENJOY the process of moving. They aren’t flippers, they are just making the process so much easier for families like ours.

Say what!?

Opendoor is new to the Minneapolis area and the timing clearly has been perfect for our family. Not only that, but I seriously think we are saving so much money doing it this way. (They also have markets in across the country in Phoenix, AZ, Dallas-Fort Worth, TX, San Antonio, TX, Las Vegas, NV, Atlanta, GA, Nashville, TN, Charlotte, NC, Raleigh, NC, Orlando, FL, Tampa, FL, Houston, TX, Sacramento, CA, Riverside, CA, Denver, CO, Portland, OR, and Austin, TX.

(I know they also work with buyers but haven’t lived through that experience, but it’s worth checking out if you are looking to buy a home in the New Year!)

So, I couldn’t help but share with you how God answered another prayer for us in making this move a more simple experience than we could have ever imagined AND giving me the chance to focus on what’s to come with the new digs!

Now, framing on our new house begins this weekend (eeeekkkk!) and of course I have to share a few pictures of the process thus far! The kids are SO excited to have some woods to explore and we can’t wait for what’s next! Stay tuned to the blog for more updates in the weeks to come.