randomness.

Welcome to the most random blog post. Today you will get an invitation into the questions and ramblings of my brain. Please don’t be scared.

– Why does Bruce Jenner have this awkward mullet-thing happening? Can someone let him know it just doesn’t look good?

IMG_2301

– Why did I waste time watching Bachelor in Paradise and why was it so amusing? It was like a drama filled train wreck that I couldn’t turn off. (In my defense, I worked on laundry while watching it so it was just “background noise”.) Robert getting attacked by fire ants made me laugh. Now that’s romantic.

I so wish this was a GIF.

I so wish this was a GIF.

– Why is it so easy to feel “stuck” sometimes? I had a few friends reach out to me yesterday in their own special ways and it was such a blessing. In a journey this long and slow, it’s easy to feel left behind at times. I get to stand back and wave as everyone struggles, finally succeeds, has a baby, starts working on #2, struggles, succeeds … lather, rinse, repeat. There are times I feel like everyone has forgotten that this is still really hard for me. After 5 and a half years, it almost feels like people are either completing forgetting about our struggles or just saying Oh poor Chelsea, still trying …. Doesn’t she know by now it’s probably not going to happen? Because it has been so long, do people just assume that it gets easier? More often than not lately, I have felt trapped by conversations about kids and mothering. Hi! Still here! No kids! Can we wind this convo down? It’s been a half hour since I could contribute something. Now, that sounds worse than I intend it to. I simply mean that as time goes by, it can at times feel like the sensitivity factor lessens. The time spent waiting doesn’t getting easier, it feels like a daily battle against time and dreams. Am I alone in ever feeling like this?

All of that said, I am still incredibly grateful to be stuck where I am. If nothing in my life every changed in regards to my fertility, I would still have the bomb.com kind of life. I don’t take those blessings for granted and strive to just keep praying for continued peace and reassurance that our hopes and prayers are not in vain.

– What to say when …. ? Being back at work has been busy, but fun. It’s great to see familiar faces, but every time I see some that I haven’t seen since last April, I get the question “So what have you been up to since you left!?” Well, I have enough common sense not to blurt out, “Well, let’s see. I have done 3 more IVF cycles, had another miscarriage, needed a D&C surgery, went under the knife for a laparoscopy and hysteroscopy surgery, gone gluten free, had to eliminate carbs and sugars from my diet, visit a acupuncturist weekly and oh yea, am still barren. How about you!?” But instead I mutter something about enjoying a slower pace or traveling or spending time with friends and family. Their look expresses that they don’t quite understand, but I figure it’s better than verbally vomiting on them. I promise, I am not lazy! How would you handle this? I think I just have to take one for the team and accept that I don’t need anyone’s validation on my life’s choices. Eh, still humbling.

– Does anyone have any good chicken recipes to share? Yes, something gluten and carb free preferably. I am feeling a little stuck in my meal planning rut and need to shake things up. Comment below please!

Until next time … XOXO!

 

32 thoughts on “randomness.

  1. damelapin says:

    I do have a chicken recipe but with cream :-/ you mix in a bowl 4 spoons of cream and 4 of mustard, and put it all over chicken fillets, then put them in foil paper (is it the correct word? The shiny grey cooking paper…) and in the oven for approx. 20-25 at 180 degrees

  2. damelapin says:

    I do have a chicken recipe but with cream :-/ you mix in a bowl 4 spoons of cream and 4 of mustard, and put it all over chicken fillets, then wrap them in foil paper (is it the correct word? The shiny grey cooking paper…) and in the oven for approx. 20-25 at 180 degrees. Oh and a bit of olive oil on top of the chicken once covered in cream & mustard ;)

  3. pikachu4you says:

    I love to make chicken naked tacos. I pretty much do like a taco salad, but with less lettuce. Chicken meat, taco seasoning, real cheese, tomatoes, onions, and lettuce. I’m not quite sure if that is gluten free. But is def lower carb.

    • chels819 says:

      YES! This is a great one! I love the chicken change up to traditional beef tacos. I bet its great with avocado too. Mmmm! Thanks for this suggestion, its going on the list!

  4. chon says:

    I made Thai chicken burgers the other night and they were amazing. I totally get the yes still barren – even though we have Molly it’s like they think I’m fixed so I get the but once you’ve had a baby you know your body is supposed to know what to do! I know (insert name) who did. It’s like no peeps age has made me worse not better :(

    • chels819 says:

      Thanks for sharing that burger idea! I have never tried Thai chicken burgers before! I will have to google a good recipe (or send me over one if you have a tried and true one!). And yes, I can only imagine how that would feel for you too! I am certain that no matter what, this journey and diagnosis will still carry with it many hardships, no matter what. HUGS!

  5. Melanie says:

    Hmmm…chicken…I cook chicken after marinating in Italian dressing. Chicken tortilla soup (skip the tortilla strips for GF) and also chicken and veggie kabobs too.

  6. Mel @ there is a higher hope says:

    Okay, so what is up with Bruce Jenners hair AND face lately? The poor guy. I’m sorry you’ve been feeling left behind. I cant imagine what you are going through and I pray that God will bless you as you deserve to be blessed. You are going to make a wonderful mommy! XO.

    • chels819 says:

      That whole Jenner package is a bit scary! I agree! And thanks for your encouragement and thoughts and love. I am thankful for people like you who understand and care for us! XOXO!

  7. Caroline says:

    I love that God takes those ‘stuck places’ or ‘dead ends’ and breaths life into them!!! He is resurrection life! Believing that over both of our wombs xoxo

  8. catlin8704 says:

    Being left behind is such an awful feeling, I completely understand all too well. I was having those very same feelings last night. I’m always here for you! You’re such an amazing woman. Love you!

    Oh & I have a chicken recipe we love that I’ll get to you soon!

    • chels819 says:

      I am thankful for you Catlin! I know we can keep fighting through this with perseverance and grace! Love you! Don’t forget to send over that chicken recipe!!! :)

  9. TheWordofANerd says:

    Aww my sweet friend! I totally know how you feel, I’ve often felt left behind. Still do sometimes. My best friend who started the journey with me has had 3 children since we started ttc. My Godson is now age 7 and I always thought my babies would grow along side of him. I felt stuck so many times, forgotten and cast to the side. It was hard and when your baby is in the womb I hate to say those feeling never go away. But the best thing about it is the relationship we form with our creator who we know hasn’t and never will forget us. Though earlier in my faith sometimes I felt he had forgotten me too! Infertility is a wound that even when it scabs over it never goes away. Bleh! I hope to always remain sensitive to my friends who are still in the trenches. I am so sorry I have been a little disconnected but this move took a lot more out of me than I could have known. I want you to know I pray for you on my knees every morning. I can’t say how long I’ll be able to get down on the floor but even after that I’ll still continue to intercede on your behalf! Love you!

    • chels819 says:

      Charity, your comment meant so much to me. You have been SUCH a faithful friend and supporter of ours for so long and I am blessed to be on the receiving end of your prayers. I look at stories like yours though and am encouraged and hopeful for the answered prayers to come – for both of us!!! I think you have always acted with sensitivity and grace during this pregnancy and it is an HONOR to call you my friend and prayer warrior. Love you!!

  10. Jaimee says:

    I need to DVR the Bachelor/ette drama! I love it and I’m not ashamed. : ) How is your no carb/no sugar diet going? I’m doing the same thing right now…along with a lot of other “nos”. I’d really like a piece of chocolate. Or cheese for that matter. Thinking of you and praying for you often!

    • chels819 says:

      Jaimee, thanks for the thoughts and prayers! The diet thing has actually been going really well for us. We have a cheat meal a week and I do allow myself some fruit in the morning (it’s watermelon and cherry season, come on!). I have noticed a big improvement in how I feel. I don’t limit the dairy though and if I cut that out, I would struggle for sure!! And yes, tape the Bachelor show, you will laugh and cringe!

  11. Jennifer T. says:

    You are not alone in feeling the way you do. We are going on six years now, and yes you definitely get left behind. Some people do lose sensitivity. My SIL once told me that I eventually have to get over it. Who is she to tell me what I can get over?
    Great post! Thank you!

  12. Nat says:

    Oh wow I knew you have been trying for several years but when I read 5.5 years my heart broke :( It can’t be easy and now I am on the other side I have moments when I forget the pain that was so real to me only a couple of years ago.

    Some of my favorite chicken recipes are GF and sugar free (SO HARD!):
    * butter chicken (http://www.taste.com.au/recipes/9741/butter+chicken)
    * Thai green curry (http://foodfriendslove.wordpress.com/2010/04/28/fragrant-thai-green-curry/) – I don’t use egg plant in mine but add green beans oh and what Aussies call corriander is American cilantro
    * Chicken Tikka Masala (I haven’t made this but it popped up when looking for my other curry recipe and it looks yum!) (http://foodfriendslove.wordpress.com/2010/04/28/fragrant-thai-green-curry/)

  13. hollye7916 says:

    asparagus and mozz stuffed chicken!!! Take 1 large chicken breast and pound that sucker flat, season with salt/pepper and a little garlic. Place one thin slice of mozz chese, about 4 thin asparagus spears and then another thin slice of cheese, roll or fold, secure with toothpicks and bake at 350 for about 20-25 mins. You can top with gluten free bread crumbs for a little extra on the top or leave that off :)

    • chels819 says:

      Um, YUM! This sounds so great! I always am a little nervous to stuff chicken because I am fearful that it won’t cook enough, but man, this looks gooooood and easy! I will be trying it for sure! Thanks for sharing!

      • hollye7916 says:

        It’s one of my faves and a go-to in our house because it’s sooo easy!! I’ve also used two tenderloins length wise in a pinch instead of a single breast :)

      • chels819 says:

        So helpful to know! I am so excited to try this one! I mean, you can’t go wrong with any of the ingredients! Sounds delish! Thanks again for the tips!

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