Happy Wednesday friends!

I share this little update on Instagram the other day and thought it would be helpful to share it here too:

Hey y’all! Chelsea here! Okay, so real talk: you guys all know my story… 9+ years of infertility, 3 miscarriages, a PCOS diagnosis, Factor V Leiden, tons of medicated cycles and IUI’s and 5 IVF cycles. And then you see me above, and you know that we are expecting boy / girl twins this May, a true miracle and something we are so thankful for!

So here’s the thing … I’ve been a bit convicted lately that I’ve allowed the whole “infertility” thing to mask this true pregnancy joy out of sensitivity to so many of you who are still waiting. And while I absolutely still want to remain sensitive and loving, I feel sad knowing you could easily glance at my feed and not even realize I am pregnant with two miracles, when for the last 5 years, so much of my feed was about infertility. And while I want to shout my love for these little ones from the mountains and celebrate every baby step, I tend to hold back and I think in doing so, it’s holds my story back a bit … tucking away the glory that God deserves to be getting every week we check off the list.

So here’s my resolution – I want to do a little better at balancing it all out. Celebrating this miracle, remaining sensitive to those still waiting for theirs, sharing my every day life and cute pup, and giving encouragement whenever and wherever I can. This pregnancy doesn’t define me, just as infertility didn’t define me! As a daughter of Christ, that’s the only title I really bear.
That said, I probably will be posting a *few* more celebratory baby pics, so if that gets too hard for you, I GET IT! You are under no obligation to follow me just because you’ve been a part of our story thus far. However, I care about each of you so dearly, read all your comments multiple times, and savor the relationships we’ve formed. Thank you for inviting me into your stories and lives!
All that said, here’s me and babies at 23+2 days pregnant. I have an aversion to eggs and pizza sauce and am savoring and treasuring every single stinking moment of this blessing, because it’s not taken for granted and I’ve waited far too long for these stretch marks and sleepless nights! Thank you for loving me so well.

I wanted to share here as well because I do want to start incorporating a little more “baby stuff” here, only because I have very little paper trail of this miracle! I hope to share pregnancy updates every 2-3 weeks, especially as we creep closer to our due date. I COMPLETELY understand if you need to take a massive time out from the blog!

But, with that said, we are now 98 days from our babies-will-come-no-later-than-this-no-matter-what due date! 98 DAYS! Considering I have been pregnant for 169 days, this seems like a tiny number! YAHOO!

How far along? 24 weeks – also known as “viability week”, meaning even though a baby born at this point would still require a lot of intervention, a baby is considered viable to survive outside of the womb. Every day here on out is a wonderful bonus!

Gender: Boy / Girl

Weight Gain? 7-8 pounds

Maternity Clothes?  Basically only now. I am starting to struggle to find tops that are long enough to cover my chest, longer torso, and bump! Eeeeek! But seriously, slip on pants are wonderful.

Stretch Marks? A couple new ones higher up – not that I am complaining! Stretch marks = BABIES!

Belly button in or out?  Stretching out but still in.

Sleep:  I typically have one rougher night a week, but have been getting a good 7-8 hours a night with about 2 bathroom breaks. I have been told this is a sweet spot of sleep in a pregnancy and I am savoring it! I took my first heavy, solid, felt-like-I-was-drugged nap this past Monday and don’t think I will be doing that again. I was so groggy all day!

Best moment this week: We had a great doctor’s appointment at our high-risk clinic last Friday and got to spend nearly two hours looking at our babes in detail. Baby boy was described as “slightly chaotic” (he is always moving!) and baby girl was said to be “calm”. I am feeling baby boy almost hourly, and little girl moves less often but usually more dramatically. I LOVE that I am feeling them more regularly.

Symptoms:  Back pain. Don’t take this as complaining! I am grateful to be couch-bound if needed. Some days are better than others, but my muscular skeletal frame is struggling a bit to the point of debilitating pain. But you know what, massages, heating pads, Tylenol and laying down helps, so on bad days, that’s what I’ll do! Otherwise no symptoms and I am so grateful!

Miss Anything?  Nothing comes to mind!

Cravings?  No specific cravings. Although my mom’s homemade French fries sound good right about now … J

Food aversions? Eggs and pizza sauce. No changes there!

Queasy or sick?  Nope!

Looking forward to?  Josh being able to feel the babies moving from the outside. We are allegedly getting closer to that being able to happen. I think he is going to get a kick out of it. Ohhh and our first baby shower is on Sunday the 5^th and I am so excited! I am unsure if I will be completely dazed the whole time, or a hot crying mess. Either way, it will be incredibly surreal! God is good!

Prayer Requests? Nothing major! 1) Baby girl has a placenta that is connected to the membrane, meaning she is growing a little smaller rate than her brother. It’s nothing concerning (yet) and she’s in the 15^th percentile and a few days behind. They are monitoring her closely to make sure the gap doesn’t increase and that she continues to still get the nourishments she needs. We were told this happens in about 1-3% of pregnancies, but of those pregnancies, most of the time it is a non-issue. We are pray that’s the case! And 2) for comfort for my back pain. I have had to pull over on the side of the road at times when it hits quickly and painfully, and it’s a helpless feeling.

Nursery Update: AH! The room has been painted, the cribs and dresser are set up and in there and Josh is finishing up the final pieces! Mama still have a lot of decorating to do, but we are making significant progress! YAHOOOOO! I will share pictures at the very end when it’s all done.

That’s all! Have a great rest of your week!

Did you know twice a year we offer an online Bible study community to journey through In the Wait together with women all over the world? And spots are open for our Spring 2017 group! In fact, the group is kicking off THIS SUNDAY, February 26th! Whoohooo!

The purpose of this group is to build community, help create accountability, encourage you right where you’re at today, and provide you with a safe place to process through what God is teaching you. All women, in all different seasons of waiting, of all ages, who have the book, are invited to join! And the timing of this study is perfect. It will usher in some daily quiet time prior to advent and what always becomes a busy holiday season. I truly believe God is going to move and stir in your heart as you continue to press forward into His.

If this is the first time you’re reading about the In the Wait devotional, check out this page on my blog to learn more, check out study details here, or look us up on Amazon. Between these three spots, you’ll a great idea of what this study is all about!

Our goal for this study is to show that we can take these seasons of waiting – exciting, easy, hard and painful ones – and grow closer to God in them. It is possible to live life FULLY while being in an unknown season.

There’s some awesome features to this online study, including:

– Each week will be author-led, full of videos and unique engagement on the stories and words shared that week;
– Tons of NEW downloads, lock screens, prints, resources and SNAIL MAIL;
– A members directory will be available immediately, giving you the chance to connect with people in a similar season and build on the friendships that begin;
– New daily questions, polls, community-building interactions and a solid, strong prayer group;
– And that’s just to name a few!

Membership is $5 (less than $1 a week!) and will give us the chance to provide you lots of extras.

***To purchase access to the online small group and learn more, click here: http://www.hollyholtdesign.com/shop/online-bible-study-access***

Our purpose for this online small group is threefold:
1) to build a safe community with others who are also in a season of waiting;
2) to create accountability to have daily quiet time; and
3) to encourage each of us, right where we are, to process what God is teaching us all.

So maybe you have a friend that comes to mind that may want to join you … INVITE THEM! Or maybe you’d love to help act as God’s hands + feet and share a little about your journey with ‘In the Wait’ on social media … we’d adore that! Tag us on Instagram at @IntheWaitStudy and #IntheWaitStudy!!

Can’t wait to see what God has in store for this next group of women!

Click here for the full lyrics 

We sung this song at church a few weeks ago and the lyrics were still as powerful as the time I first heard it. Yet, it was so interesting to see how God can take a song we have heard time and time again, and breathe fresh life into it. Let me explain:

While we were knee-deep in our battle with infertility, the phrases that stuck out to me were these: 

• From this darkness, you will lead us: Waiting seasons feel so dark. They surround you. They feel like they will never break, like the light will never come in. Because you are waiting, you don’t know what the future holds. You can’t see ahead – what will the next 6 months look like? Wait, 6 months? I mean 6 weeks…6 days … 6 hours … The lack of vision of what’s ahead is blindingly dark. And so because of that darkness, the promise of God leading us is so encouraging. The prayers laced into this became “Lord, lead us.”
• Our provision through the desert: Waiting seasons feel like one big desert. You are thirsty for answers, you are uncomfortable, you are aching and you feel like you just keep roaming. When will the break come? Will there be shade or water ahead? Will the desert ever make way to a place of rest, relaxation? Or are we destined to just keep wandering around aimlessly forever? Yet, as we wonder, He is our provision. He provides our hearts with peace, our aching bodies with rest, our wandering minds with His Word, filled with words of reassurance that we aren’t alone.
• In the silence, in the waiting, still we can know you are good: Waiting seasons can feel like silent seasons. Sometimes, they are truly silent. And other times God is speaking to us, but it’s not what we want to hear, so we assume there is silence. All we want is direction, but sometimes it doesn’t come. Not on our timetables anyways. Where are my answers to prayers God? Where are we supposed to go next? But even when our heads scream “there’s no direction!”, His word reminds us of who God is. He is good. He has NEVER let His people down. He is not going to start with you. What does that mean? It means we can trust Him.

These lines brought my heart hope, comfort, and reassurance. The feelings I was experiencing – darkness, desert-like confusion, silence – they were normal. I wasn’t a “bad” Christian because I had these questions. And it reminded me to go back to the truth of who God is. Our feelings can’t be trusted simply because we are human and He is God.

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9 NLT)

Now, as I sat back and listened to it again, feeling the little thumping legs of our baby girl and boy inside me, new phrases popped out and caused my heart to sigh in His goodness. Words like:

• The Lord our God is ever faithful: the word faithful means loyal, continual, long-dedicated, firm and not changing. The God who stood with me in the hardest days of my life is the same God who is standing with me on this side. He brings the same peace, hope, comfort, and goodness as He did when my heart ached. He did not give up on me, even when my anger and frustration seemed toxic. And because of His faithfulness, we got to experience a miracle with Him by our sides.
• Promise maker, promise keeper, You finish what You begin … You see it through ‘til the end: Years and years ago, He started a fire in us to become parents and by continual prayer, we asked Him to either change our hearts, close doors, or allow the promise that we would become parents to grow and continue. And when our hearts didn’t change, we took His promise at face value and believed that one day, He would bring His stirrings into fruition. 9 years was a long time to wait on a promise. I felt silly at times, like others were talking behind my back about that naive girl who still believed her God would come through. And yet, here we are – 9 years later – experiencing the fulfillment of the promise that we would become parents. He truly does see His promises through to the end. We just have to be faithful in the waiting and believe that His timing is better than ours. (Hard stuff!)
• All Your plans are for Your glory: When things go “easy”, and there is no hardship, it’s so easy for our human minds to assume it was coincidence, or chance, or just what was supposed to happen. Yet, when there are obstacles to overcome, significant obstacles, obstacles so great that no one really believes it will ever happen, and then it DOES, well, what a beautiful platform to show the Lord’s hand at work! To know that our miracle has brought Him praise, fills my heart SO much and makes every single day in our 9 year wait worth it. My prayer has always been Psalm 115:1 – “Not to us, Lord, not to us, but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness.” and I believe that He answered both our prayers for a family and our prayers for His name to be glorified with these two miracles.

Here’s the point – and it’s not to say in a belittling way “just wait till you get to the other side and then you will understand …”, because man, there are still days I wonder if He could have taken a shortcut and had the same results – no, the point is that God will always meet you and encourage you where you are at. If for you right now, it’s the silence, the waiting, the darkness and the desert – He is right beside you. He is walking WITH you. He is waiting WITH you. He is weeping WITH you. He is urging you to allow Him to be your provision, your leader and to believe He is good. He is asking you to turn your eyes and heart to Him daily and to trust that He is still in this waiting season of yours. WHATEVER the waiting season is.

Perhaps today you want a child so bad your heart breaks. Or perhaps you wonder when you will ever get to a place of thriving with your household finances. Maybe you desire for the city you live in to feel like home, or the homesickness to go away, or to find a friend who truly just gets you. Perhaps you wonder if you will ever regain a healthy weight or lifestyle, or meet a spouse, or be freed from the work stresses that plague you every single day. Or maybe, you just want to be freed from the NICU life, to be able to hold your child without fear of the wires getting in the way or perhaps you are wondering if you will ever sleep through the night again, if the crying will end, if the colic will subside. Or it could be the wondering if your daughter, the one you loved and raised, who turned her back on your family in devastating way, will ever come home again. Regardless of your waiting season, your desert, He is there. He’ll see it through to the end. Don’t believe your current state is your ending until He says it is. 

Or perhaps you are on the other side of a painful waiting season, and you can now see how God’s fingerprints were all over your story the whole time. You have experienced His faithfulness, you have seen Him glorified, you have felt the richness of answered prayers. You, friend, have a beautiful platform to share your experience. Allow Him to use you and your story for GOOD. Don’t turn your back on the experiences that brought you here. Turn back and reach out a hand to someone still struggling and let them know they are not alone. Use this time to pen out notes to your future self, who will inevitably go through another waiting season, with your exact feelings and emotions right now. Allow God to work with your future self!

Don’t give up hope. Keep trusting the One who has been faithful through all the ages. He loves you so much.