pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day.

October 15, 201419 Comments

There’s a Lumpy Rug day, a No Socks day, even a Talk Like a Pirate Day. The silly and humorous days that fall on the calendars bring laughter and create conversation. Then there are other days that we hear about that bring awareness, like today, which is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Let me preface this post by saying this day is not a day where we (generally speaking of those who have suffered a loss) are looking for pity. Today is not about getting sad looks or making you feel uncomfortable because you don’t know what to say. Today is about connecting together a community – those who are grieving and those who are simply supporting those who grieve – it’s about remembering the too-short lives of lost babies and infants and spreading love.

So often we comfort widows, cancer victims, and orphans – all who are beautifully deserving of love and care. But more often than not, there is a group of people who suffer without anyone around them even knowing, ashamed to speak of the sadness that they feel, stripped of the public title of parents or saddened to have other children who will never know they had another sibling. The New York Times last year said “Unless you wear a T-shirt emblazoned with your children’s names or tattoo them on your wrist, you rarely speak their names aloud no matter how much you need or want to tell others. And for women who have struggled with pregnancy loss, there seems even less place to mention the love they feel for babies they will never have.”

One of my favorite parts about today, other than the comfort that it offers and the community it builds, is that there is a way for each one of you to offer support. Tonight from 7:00 pm – 8:00 pm, in all time zones across the world, you can light a candle to remember the babies who have been lost from miscarriages, ectopic and molar pregnancies, born stillborn or lost to infant death. The lighting of these candles creates a “wave of light” across the world and is a beautiful, touching, moving tribute to the families who have suffered. It’s not an image that will likely ever be seen, but if you are home tonight, even if it’s not at 7 pm, light a candle for those who have lost their precious babies.

Each family’s pain is unique. Each life, no matter how short, was meaningful and special. To our own babies lost, I love and remember you often. I often wonder what milestone you would be hitting, what color your eyes would have been, how your laugh would have sounded. We have treasured every embryo created, prayed for every embryo transferred, and fell head over heels in love with each pregnancy we have experienced. I can’t wait for the day our family can be reunited in heaven.

Light a candle tonight, even and especially if you have not lost a baby. The support and opportunity to spread love and care means more than you will ever know. I’d love to see any pictures you take of your candle burning – feel free to email them to me at trialsbringjoy (at) gmail (dot) com.

Today is a beautiful day of remembrance. I am so thankful this day exists.

friday favorites – october 10.

October 10, 2014October 10, 201414 Comments

I must admit, as you read this I am on vacation and the “publish at ___:____” feature of WordPress is taking over. Friday Favorites this week will be short and sweet but still up, so enjoy!

Favorite Outfit: I got to whip out these bad boys for date night last weekend since I knew my hunter hubby would love a bit of camo. They were so comfy and only cost $4 on clearance at Old Navy. Score!

Favorite Quote: I recently decided to take an opportunity to temporarily job share a position at the hospital I work at when the maternity leave I am covering is done (which it was as of last Wednesday). I have to admit, the motivating factor for taking this job is financial and I have been feeling a bit frustrated that infertility treatments cost what they do, making this decision necessary if we look to pursue anything in the future (more on that another day). It won’t be more than 6 months and only a few days a week, but still, isn’t something I am bouncing off the walls with excitement about doing (even though the company, position and colleagues are so great). It will be a change for our family and increase the busy-ness of my already busy life so I am still processing what this will look like. All in all though, I think it will be good and I love being with my old friends/colleagues again. Anyways, I was talking to my sister about it and she said these words to me: “You never know the eternal impact these few short months will have. It’s a part of your journey and story now and it won’t be wasted.”

I love that. I love how she managed to take this change and wove it into the big picture of my life. I am trying to embrace this opportunity completely. I truly am grateful for the chance to save more money for whatever lies ahead, even if the pity-party side of my brain whines that it shouldn’t be this hard or expensive to have a family.

Favorite Accessory: Right now it’s all about these little silver hair clips! I love being able to swoop my hair up with them as I style it in the morning. They are super cheap at Target/Walmart and are far more indestructible than the plastic clips that I always seem to drop and have shatter. A win!

Favorite Thing I am Looking Forward to: I am heading into the Chicagoland area the last week of October and am SO excited to visit with friends, family and attend the StoryLine Conference at Willow Creek Community Church! (Are you heading to that too? Let me know!) Okay, and I may be a little excited about the food too … Not sure how a gluten free Portillo’s trip is gonna work, but trust me, I will make it happen! This could be dangerous …

Favorite Moment: Josh and I were able to sneak off to our family’s cabin for Saturday – Sunday trip and loved spending some quality time with his parents. We played lots and lots of card games, shared some favorite childhood memories with one another and caught up on life. The sunset was beautiful on Saturday night (far more stunning than this picture does justice) and even though the weekend was extremely chilly, it was so refreshing.

Favorite Photo: This one is all about Cali’s face. I fell asleep in the car on the way up to the cabin and Cali came over to hang out on the pillow while I snoozed. She loves to balance on her back legs and Josh snapped this picture of her chilling on me. I thoroughly cracked up at her little face when I woke up and saw it. She is so adorable! (And desperately in need of a hair cut….)

Favorite Funnies: Can’t end Friday Favorites without the Funnies! Enjoy!

See you next week!

If you haven’t already signed up for the Mug Exchange and want to, make sure to have your email to me by Monday, October 13^th! See this post for all the details.

the joy comes in the morning.

October 7, 2014October 7, 201421 Comments

The summer before 11th grade, our youth group decided to take a camping trip to Tennessee. Being that I don’t like to camp and dislike all things “roughing it” in general, I thought it was a great idea to go. (No, really, I have no clue why I thought this was a good idea.) Add in some friends, a chance to do something cool away from home and the opportunity to shop for some new outdoorsy clothes and I was on the list.

Now I had done the summer camp thing loads of times before. A warm cozy cabin set a few hundred feet away from a full bathroom, pool and snack shop? I’m game. My idea of roughing it was having to use a sleeping bag for a blanket and only being able to pack 2 pillows. I was certain that this couldn’t be too different. A tent sounded fun! I bet it was a cute one too. And it was called “Confrontation Point”. That couldn’t mean anything right?

Wrong.

We pulled up to the campgrounds, er, well, basically a forest. As we trotted our way through the weaves of the trails, our leader finally called out “We are here!”. Here? Wait what? Where were the cute tents? The bathrooms? I thought the whole ‘bring your bio-degradable shampoo’ thing was just a 2001-attempt to start a “go green” trend. Huh?

Before I knew it, everyone around me started dropping their backpacks on the ground (wait, I don’t want to get mine dirty!) and pulling out tarps. What is going on!?! I shouldn’t have talked and passed notes during all of the pre-trip meetings! Before I knew it, tarps were being tied to two close trees, with the bottom corners staked to the ground. Where were the tents? We were sleeping on a tarp on the ground with another tarp loosely tied overhead? I wanted to faint. What about the bugs?

Time out. For those of you who don’t know me well, you now need to know that I am terrified of spiders. Like, shriek, dance, shake and cry. The spotting of a spider across the house can typically cause the neighbors to be concerned. I shudder just writing the word spider. Ughhhh. (I have never even watched the Harry Potter scenes with any spiders. My eyes have always remained closed. Even fake spiders freak me out.)

Okay, time in. Campsite is set up, fire is built, everyone around me seems to be frolicking with joy about this whole nature thing, and I wanted to cry. No new clothes, time with friends, or summer adventure was worth being this outside my comfort zone.

Ugh, why did my hair keep tickling my arms? I kept brushing my shoulders off absent-mindedly. What was I going to do? Tickle, tickle. Again? As I glanced down to pull my hair back, I saw it. IT. A gigantic daddy-long legs spider that was about the size of a baseball, crawling up my arm. (Granted, my memory could be playing tricks on me but this is what I remember. HUGE HUGE spiders.)

Well, you can only imagine the scene from there. I was horrified, terrified, crying, screaming, you name it. And that’s when a few other people commented that they had spiders on them too. No one seemed to be hyperventilating like me though. “Oh don’t worry about those! They are completely harmless.” Our guide told me, “They actually just live in the trees and fall out of them. Just brush them off.”

I actually don’t think a paragraph is needed to try to articulate my horrified reaction. The next thing I know, I am talking (okay, sobbing) to our youth group leader that I need to find a payphone. I ran back up the trails to the shelter and with shakey hands, found my 35 cents to call my mom.

Chelsea (me): (wailing) “Mom, you have to come and get meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.”

Mom: What are you saying honey?

C: Youuuuuu hhhaaaaavveeeeeeee to come and get meeeeeeeeee. Spiidddeeerrrrrrssssssss.

M: Take a deep breath, I can’t understand you.

Well, it took some time and another 50 cents but I eventually was able to explain to her the horror that was my youth group “retreat” and the urgent need for her to drive from Chicago to Tennessee to pick me up. Imagine my surprise when she lovingly said that wasn’t possible.

Plan B. Find a hotel.

Well, my youth group leader didn’t agree with that idea OR with my idea to let me sleep in the van the whole time. Yada yada yada, not safe to be alone in the van a few miles from the campgrounds. Either way, it was clear and evident that this would be my week to die. Confrontation Point had to do with confronting your fears? Oh boy ….

To be honest, it’s hard for me to explain how truly terrified I was that first night sleeping on the ground knowing that the tiny tinks I was hearing on the tarp above was likely light, fluttery, can’t-really-feel-them spiders falling down on me. Someone from my group gave me a little stuffed animal, a Junior Asparagus Veggie Tales toy, that when you squeezed him would sing “God is bigger than the boogey man, He’s bigger than Godzilla or the monsters on TV, Oh God is bigger than the boogey man and He’s watching out for you and me. So are you frightened (no not really), are you worried (not a bit!). I know whatever’s gonna happen, that God can handle it …” Squeeze. Repeat. Squeeze. Repeat. I am certain that the entire group heard that song over and over and over again all night long, along with my muffled sobs.

But then the next day came and we were off to our next adventure. White water rafting, repelling, hiking, there was enough distractions until dusk set in. Then the fear kicked in and the long, long nights.

I just went and pulled out my old journals that I had on that trip and found several entries scribbled in there – this one kind of made me giggle.

(Dated August 6, 2001 – age 16)

(At least I apologized for disliking His creation, HA!)

Every time morning would come, I would repeat this verse in my head.

(Apparently I brought markers with to this camp.)

Now hear me out – how many times in life have we been faced with something we just don’t want to go through? A situation where you need to confront someone else? A trial with a boss or friend? Facing your fears with something or carrying the heaviness of something like infertility, a broken marriage, looming debt, the death of someone we loved, a terrifying diagnosis or an addiction? The weight of the night rests on us and we just want out.

God, please, take this away from me. Can you come pick me up? I don’t want to face this. No? Then can I have an easy way out? Sleep in the van? Find a hotel? Do anything but face my fears?

The night seems to never end.

But at some point my friends, it ends. The sun rises. And perhaps it only rises briefly. Maybe there is another night you have to spend in the tent, facing your fears, fighting your obstacles, crying as you pray. But then there is a break – and the joy comes in the morning.

You know what? That week in Tennessee was really hard for me. I can’t tell you how many times the words “SPIDERS” appeared in my journal, how many times I squeezed Junior Asparagus and how many times I slapped my body, certain there was a spider crawling on me. But somehow, somehow, I made it through that trip. And you know what I wrote in my journal at the end?

“THIS IS AWESOME….it’s cool that .. I’m toughing it out.”

Pride. A sense of gratitude for His presence that went with me into what felt like the scariest and darkest of nights. A strength that I could get through my biggest fears and a spiritual growth that I wouldn’t have had if I hadn’t been forced to stay.

Sometimes we have to stay through the nights. I beg, routinely, to be “picked up” from the infertility camp. And for some reason, I’m still here. But you know what, I am learning so much. About God, about myself, about my marriage and about compassion. I know one day, I will look back on all of it and say “THIS IS AWESOME.”, I really do believe that.

Oceans by Hillsong doesn’t say “Spirit lead me where I am comfortable. Let me walk upon the waters wherever its convenient…” How can we expect to gain trust without borders if we are constantly asking to stay in our little cabin, away from anything that would challenge us?

The joy comes with the morning … and so we patiently (and not-so-patiently) wait for morning to come. Because we are not alone, and because if we are willing, we have so much to learn during the nights.

friday favorites – october 3.

October 3, 2014October 3, 201423 Comments

Another Friday on the books! Is it mind boggling to anyone else that somehow it’s OCTOBER already? I feel like this entire year has slipped through my fingertips. Excluding today, we have 12 Fridays left in 2014. Gulp. Let’s make the most of them! Okay, without further ado ….

Favorite Honor: Guess who is the Featured Blogger for the month over on FertileThoughts.com!? This girl! For those who aren’t familiar with Fertile Thoughts, get familiar. This site is the world’s largest social networking site focusing on fertility and infertility and provides education, support and resources for people building their families. If you could support me and check out this link to see my feature (plus a mini post) and their page, that would be awesome. A big welcome to anyone checking out my blog as a result of this feature as well, thanks for stopping by! (Feel free to share it too using the link: http://www.fertilethoughts.com/fertile-thoughts-blogger-month-chelsea) Jump into the forum boards and connect with me too!

Favorite Celebration: Josh’s grandma turned 80 this Saturday and I loved that we were able to gather as a family and celebrate her! She is one of the strongest, toughest grandma’s around and when she says a book made her cry, you know you better plan a trip to Costco for Kleenex before you open the first page. We love you Grandma Jones! Here’s to many, many more birthdays!

birthday tierras are a must at a party, right?

Favorite Thing I’m Looking Forward to: My trip to Savannah with Josh’s mom and sister-in-law is finally almost here! I can’t wait to peruse the south with my fake southern accent and take in all of the history and beauty Georgia has to offer. (I also get to sneak in a lunch date with a dear friend and I can’t wait for that!). Any last Savannah must-see’s? Make sure to send them my way!

Favorite Quote: “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” -Charles R. Swindoll

I heard this quote during a podcast by Craig Groeschel (Part 1 – Contentment) this week and loved how true it is. I often find myself wanting to blame my circumstances on my attitude – I’m tired/stressed/hungry/pms-ing/acting this way because … you get the excuses. However it’s our reactions that alter how our day goes. When I respond short and snippy with Josh long enough, his attitude begins to match mine and then we waste an evening where we are just off kilter and quiet. I hate those kinds of nights! (And this totally happened last week so I am preaching to myself here!)

I usually have really good excuses too. I mean, trials and hardships make it sooooo easy as a back-up reason, but I have to remind myself that life is made up of the up’s and down’s. There’s a quote that says all of us are either in a storm, just coming out of a storm, or headed for a storm. Comforting, right? But because we live a world that’s messy and imperfect and can’t always be a highlight reel, it’s our choices, our attitudes and our decisions to embrace what comes our way and make the best of it that alters our daily realities. Yea, we may shed tears along the way and fail at trying, (me!), but we are still trying and I believe that the more we flex that muscle, the better we will get at managing our reactions.

Favorite Launch: Our next infertility exchange launched last Sunday (see all the details here!) and the response has been overwhelmingly exciting! In the last few days we have had almost 200 women sign-up and I anticipate many more to come until it closes on the 13^th. I love this community! (And yes, anyone who is in any stage of infertility, including those waiting for a baby, pregnant with a baby, holding a baby, adopting a baby, (you get the point), is invited and welcome to participate. Check out the post for everything you need to know.)

Favorite Hallmark Moment: No, really, this is a moment that actually happened AT Hallmark. I was browsing cards on Tuesday when the word ‘infertility’ caught my eye. Hallmark actually has a card – okay, just one card, but still, a card – that offers words of encouragement for those suffering with infertility. I felt like fist pumping in the aisle but Kenny G was playing overhead and it just didn’t seem appropriate. But in all seriousness, it’s encouragement that keeps us going and the thought that Hallmark recognizes this as ‘card worthy’ makes me happy.

Favorite “First”: The Starbucks a mile from my house just opened this week! *insert flashing caution signals here* It is dangerously en route to nearly all of my commitments and even has a drive thru. Cheers to endless caffeinated possibilities! Hehe!

Favorite Flashback: Okay, so you all know I love Harry Potter, right? Well the movie theater nearby is rerunning ALL of the Harry Potter movies in their reserved theaters for $5 a ticket. SCORE! Courtney and I had a sister-date this week and saw Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone on the big screen. We relived the 2001 acting skills and movie quality and loved every minute of it.

Favorite Funnies: Gah, I love all of these and nearly cried from laughing while saving them. Enjoy and hope that this dose of laughter brightens your Friday.

Have a great weekend! Until next time …

mug exchange.

September 28, 2014September 28, 201436 Comments

Since April 2013 I have been coordinating different quarterlyish package exchanges for the TTC (trying to conceive) Instagram community. We typically have a theme – lucky socks, stationary, ornaments, local love, nail polish, scarves, favorite things – and it’s SUCH a fun time to put together package for someone who knows about the season you are in. We don’t just cut if off to the people who are struggling to conceive, we welcome women for all phases of infertility (pregnant, adopting, new mom, etc… more details on this below!) I absolutely LOVE how all of these women come together to support one another and spread positive energy and love.

And guess what – it’s time for the next one! Typically I don’t use my blog to spread the word about this, but this time I want to invite bloggers, instagrammers and all of social media to participate (plus have a place to answer lots of questions in an easier forum than a tiny IG comment section). Our theme has been suggested to me from several past participants and I am SO excited for it. Drumroll please ….

The next exchange theme is A MUG EXCHANGE! Woooohooooooo!

Before I share how to sign up participate, let me answer a few commonly asked questions about these exchanges:

Who can participate?

Anyone who is currently trying to get pregnant, including those suffering from secondary infertility; those who have recently adopted, are in the process of adopting or searching for their new family member; anyone who is currently pregnant after dealing with infertility or recently having had a baby after a struggle and lastly, anyone who is using a gestational carrier, egg donor, sperm donor or surrogate.

Please note that you may be given anyone to purchase for, not necessarily someone who is on the exact same journey as you. As this exchange grows, it has become increasingly more difficult to ensure that you get an equally appropriate match. Just try to remember that you are encouraging another TTC sister no matter what their story is!

How does it work?

Once you sign up and get the name of the person you are sending to (more details below), you will work to put together an exchange box for them, including a coffee/tea cup/mug. You will be given a “send-by” date and I ask that you respect that date unless there are extreme circumstances. You will send a box to someone and receive one from someone else!

How much is this going to cost me?

Typically the suggested amount per box is $20 plus shipping. I don’t advise that you spend more than $20 but we definitely do have some generous women who put together a box worth more. Since not all mugs cost $20, you are able to fill the package with ANYTHING else that might make someone smile! Lucky socks, a special treat, a fun lipgloss or nail polish …. You can’t go wrong (unless you break the law) – this is definitely a situation where it’s the thought that counts.

I do ask that you invest in a lot of bubble wrap and a good box. It helps tremendously to ship it US Priority and get a tracking number just in case anything should happen during transit. (Plus it comes with $50 insurance!) No one wants to receive a shattered mug due to poor packaging!

Besides a mug, is there anything else I HAVE to include?

A note! Please include a card inside with a special word of encouragement for your new friend. Many will include a way for their person to get in touch with them – a twitter handle, blog or email address or IG account – it’s really helpful for me if you include your name so that my inbox isn’t inundated with “who should I thank!?” emails.

I live in the US/Canada/UK/Australia/etc, can I participate?

Yep! We always have women from all over the world participate and I think that is what makes it so much fun! HOWEVER, you will only be assigned an overseas person if you agree to be open to shipping internationally. (More about that below). I do ask that if you live outside of the US, that you be open to shipping internationally, as many of the participants are located in the United States, however I know that sometimes that’s not an option and that’s okay too.

So am I exchanging with the same person I am sending one to?

Nope! The fun part is that who you are sending to will be a completely different person than who you receive one from.

Does that mean I should keep my person a secret?

It certainly does make it fun when that happens but it’s not necessary. If you are too excited to hold it in, feel free to share. You will be getting their social media information so feel free to friend them, follow them or look them up!

What kind of mug do I need to send?

You can get ANY kind of mug. Travel, big, small, delicate, clunky. It could be a cute mug from your local coffee shop, something you ordered on Etsy, bought at Walmart, or purchased from a garage sale (just make sure it’s clean). There are SO many adorable mugs out there – be creative! Don’t put too much pressure on yourself – this can be a mug that you adore or that you think someone else would love.

Because shipping a mug can be tricky, there may be some women who just want to order a mug online and have it shipped directly to their person and then they can send a separate little box of surprises if they didn’t spend $20. (If you do this, take advantage of the “gift card” section in a order to let them know that’s what you are doing).

How many women participate? Is this a legit exchange?

The first exchange I coordinated started as 30 women putting together a package and has now grown to a couple hundred. And I have a feeling now that we are opening this up to more of the social media world, it’s just going to grow bigger and bigger! Yeah support team!!!!

What happens if I send a package but never get one back?

Ugh, guys, it does happen, I have to be honest. It doesn’t happen often but there are definitely a small handful of women each exchange that are subjected to a lost box, a flakey partner, or some other sort of weird circumstance. I will do my best to reach out to your sender once or twice but sometimes due to the sheer volume of participants, it just becomes impossible to make sure everything gets straightened out. From the very beginning of the exchanges I have warned participants that you have to come into this exchange with the understanding that you may not get a box. It stinks that there are some people that might taint this experience but I do promise that it is far and few between. I am a firm believer that it is a blessing to give and if you are one of the few unfortunate few that receives a shattered mug or nothing at all, just know that your gift has blessed someone else. So please understand the risks involved but know that you likely won’t have a problem! In exchange for my time coordinating this, I just ask that you follow through with your commitment to send a package, sound good? :)

Can I share this on my blog/with my instagram followers/on facebook/twitter/etc?

Of course! We LOVE new participants and their friends. They don’t need to be a follower of my blog or instagram account (chels819) to participate. Anyone in the infertility community is welcome to join in. We will be using the hashtag #TTCmugexchange2014 so feel free to share and let’s spread the love! (Also, if you want a live link, you can send them to this one: https://trialsbringjoy.com/mug-exchange-2014/

What are the dates I need to know in order to participate?

You will need to sign up no later than Monday, October 13^th. That’s a FULL 2 weeks of time to sign up, spread the message and start brainstorming. You will then receive your exchange partner from me via email on either October 16 or 17. (Because of the hours it takes to coordinate, I am not always able to get ALL the emails out on the same day. So if you see someone post that they got their person and you have not yet heard from me, it’s likely due to the amount of time it’s taking me to email everyone back individually. Do not panic!) Once you receive your person, you will have until Friday, October 31^st to put together your package and mail it out. Please make sure if you sign up that you are able to get your box out on time.

What happens when I get my package?

This is the fun part! I LOVE seeing all of the posts where people show off their package! Post your mug to social media and tag it with #ttcmugexchange2014 so we can all peruse the pictures. Send a shout out to your person, blog about it, tweet about it, do whatever you want to celebrate this fun exchange! I do understand too that there are many women who are not publicly sharing their infertility journey with others so know that you don’t have to share it publicly in order to participate. The key thing is that we offer encouragement and support to one another, even if that circle stays small.

Enough FAQ’s! HOW DO I SIGN UP!!?!

Alright, here is how you sign up!

1. Email me the following info to ttcexchange@gmail.com NO LATER THAN Monday, October 13th:

Your full name
Your full mailing address (please remember to include your zip code so I don’t have to google! Also if you are in the USA, please type your address on one line (ie: 123 Notebook Lane, Janesville, LA 45698. This makes it a lot easier for me with the system I use). If you are from outside the USA, you can use multiple lines.
Your blog/twitter handle/IG name (be specific which is which)
Your willingness to ship internationally (just write YES if you are willing and NO if you are not)

I will close the exchange at midnight on the 13^th (central time) and will not be able to accept stragglers after that.

2. Wait to hear back from me! I WILL CONFIRM THAT I HAVE RECEIVED YOUR SIGN-UP EMAIL. If you do not hear from me within 24 hours, please check the email address you send it to and resend. (Also, check your spam filter to make sure my reply didn’t go there). If you have emailed and still haven’t heard back from me, leave a comment below with your email and I will connect with you.

3. Share! Let your friends know about the exchange! You can share my blog or instagram account so that they can find out more information. I feel awful when someone finds out “too late” and can’t participate so help me make sure no one gets left out. Again, use #ttcmugexchange2014 to share – the more the merrier!

4. Shop, write, smile and sip! Once assignments go out, shop and send out your package with an encouraging note. Then wait patiently and enjoy your mug once it arrives. Share the thoughtfulness of your new friend! I have seen so many amazing friendships form as a result of this exchange. Cell numbers are swapped, emails are exchanged – I have even seen friends plan trips to visit one another due to the friendship formed over a simple package! I LOVE THIS PART!

That’s it guys! I am so excited for this. These exchanges are among the highlight of my year and I am pumped to open this up outside of Instagram. YIPPEE!!!!

Ready, set, GO!

friday favorites – september 26.

September 26, 2014September 26, 201410 Comments

Happy Friday! Man, I didn’t post Friday Favorites last week due to the Community Post (which received so much awesome feedback – I am so glad you loved it too!) and now my Friday Favorite list is 16 pages long. Well, not really, but close. I will try to trim and be as succinct as possible. You know how well that works for me, HA!

Favorite Accomplishment and Proud Wife Moment: Josh and I, along with my sister and one of my best friends Jana signed up for a 10-week fitness challenge last July through a local workout center (FXB) and finished our 10-weeks this last Saturday. Not only did we all accomplish it and feel great about our results, but my hubby ended up WINNING the challenge for the men and took home the $1,000 prize and champ title! Way to go Josh! Between the two of us we lost 37 pounds, 36 inches in our chest, waist, hips, arms and legs and crushed our sit-up and push-up per-minute challenges. (This man did 73 push-ups in a minute! And somehow I went from 0 push-ups – yes, zero – to 45. I’ll take it!) I managed to not only run a mile (twice) but shaved over 2 minutes off of my time. (Okay so it was 2 minutes and 2 seconds, but still …). Either way, I am super proud of Josh and us girls and am excited to continue the 6 days a week program and build on our results. So of course, let us take some selfies.

these are all post-workouts so ignore the sweat.

Favorite Starbucks Drink: I miss lattes, wahhhhh. But that being said, I LOVE getting an unsweetened iced coffee and adding a splash of half and half and then tons of cinnamon. Yes, powdered cinnamon! (Don’t get this confused and ask for their cinnamon syrup, which is delicious, but defeats the point.) Powdered cinnamon doesn’t dissolve and beware, it does take a few minutes of stirring before you can get it to disperse throughout, but it adds a delicious flavor and has great health benefits. It regulates blood sugar, slows the rate at which the stomach empties after meals, reduces LDL cholesterol, is highly anti-inflammatory and reduces cytokines linked to arthritic pain, reduces chronic inflammation linked with neurological disorders, reduces the proliferation of cancer cells, improves brain activity AND it contains a natural chemical called cinnamaldehyde, which studies show increases the hormone progesterone in woman. Oh goodness, I could continue but I won’t. But seriously, just adding a teaspoon to your drink is a great thing! Delicious!

Favorite Quote: I was in a bit of a funk the other day and my friend Jana sent me this. So perfect.

Favorite Dramatic Moment: For once it doesn’t involve me. HA! We have been having some strange weather here in Minnesota lately – 50 degrees one day and then this weekend, back to the 80’s. I flipped on my fireplace a week or two ago briefly and my dramatic dog wandered over to her bed and passed out. It made me laugh and goodness, doesn’t she look so comfy and cozy?

Favorite TV Moment: Um, 2 of them. 1) DERRICK WINNING BIG BROTHER!! (And Frankie not placing in the top 3 for America’s Favorite Player) and 2) alllllll of the fall tv shows which are making their way back to my DVR box. Parenthood, Grey’s, Vampire Diaries? I’m a happy girl.

Favorite Selfies: Can I even have this section? Well, I am anyways. Here are some of my favorite pictures with my hubby and sister.

Favorite Funnies: Here we go!!

What happens on a humid day

Hope you have a fabulous weekend friends!

community post.

September 19, 2014September 19, 201435 Comments

What happens when you join forces with some of the best bloggers around? This post! A few months ago I was reading some of my favorite blogs and felt selfish keeping their words, perspectives and stories to myself. So instead of just sharing their links, I decided to invite them over to my page and team up to create a post. Lucky for me (and you!) they said yes!

Anyone going through life knows about the difficulties of mental attacks and the way that lies can be so easy to believe at times. This fact got us thinking, as women who have struggled or are struggling with infertility, what are some of the lies that we have faced on this journey? And how are we dealing with them? Believing lies and feeding those negative thoughts are one way that we stumble, pick our scabs and dig ourselves into an even deeper hole that can be tough to get out of. Some days it’s simply recognizing that what we are bemoaning is a lie – other days it’s just finding the strength to keep fighting what we know isn’t true. I’ve asked these ladies to share with you today one of the great lies that they have defeated (or continue to battle) and I hope and pray that these encourage you as much as they have me. These women are in all different phases of their TTC journey – some pregnant, some adopting, some still trying to conceive – yet I believe that their stories will bless each of you. Be sure to give them some love too and check out their blogs (linked throughout) and walk along with them. So without further adore, please enjoy reading the words of my amazing friends!

1. “The lie that I am broken.” By Chelsea (me!) at Starbucks, Peace and the Pursuit of a Baby

Recently I was asked in a study to list out words that I associate with myself – labels that define me. I was surprised at how quickly the first word came – broken. If you read my last post on PCOS and what I deal with, you may understand how I got to that word. It came so quickly that it seemed like my subconscious had been stewing on it for a while. And as I scribbled in my notebook, the word broken just made so much sense. My body doesn’t work right. It doesn’t do what is supposed to be natural for so many women. Verses in the Bible about how we (women) are supposed to be ‘fruitful and multiply’ make me want to cry. “I can’t! I’m trying!” I fight shame constantly over the fact that my body isn’t doing what it’s supposed to do. It’s broken.

But then I remembered these simple verses – and it changes everything: “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it… How precious are your thoughts about me, O God…” (Psalm 139:13, 14, 17a).

These verses reminded me of these truths – one, He made me. Insulting my body is insulting His work. Does anyone remember that old bumper sticker from the 90’s that said “God doesn’t make junk!” It’s true! Two, we are complex – wonderfully complex. There are so many moving parts in our bodies and just because something isn’t working correctly doesn’t mean the product is broken. It doesn’t define me – I am not broken. Third, His workmanship is marvelous, therefore I am marvelous. (I will withhold from inserting a picture of me in a princess crown, pretending to be marvelous.) But all joking aside, I am not anything less than His perfect daughter, created in His image and crafted to be me. Insulting His creation is insulting Him. Lastly, He thinks precious, beautiful thoughts about me – a Creator who is proud of His creation, not ashamed.

2. “The lie that I am not worthy.” By Wynne at Gloriously Ruined – Living His Story

The past five years have been quite the journey of ups and downs with our struggle with infertility. At times, I am on top of the world knowing and believing the truth that God is good, and He is trustworthy and He is able to do immeasurably more than all I could ask or imagine. Then there are times I doubt my healing and restoration will ever come. I didn’t realize until a few weeks ago actually, that I didn’t feel worthy of healing or good gifts from God.

How could that be? The Bible says, that “every good and perfect gift is from above” and I know that God is the giver of good gifts. He loves me, and He is working all things together for my good and His glory. I believed this lie that because of sins in my past, that I wasn’t “good enough” to receive good gifts from God. I have been praying and believing that God is ABLE to heal me, but I don’t think I’ve really believed He will. The Word also says, “nothing is impossible with God”, and “God is ABLE to do immeasurably more than all we could ask or imagine”.

God is the great physician, and in this season I feel He’s asking me to stop my striving, and know that HE is God. While I can’t expect God to respond in a certain way to my faith, knowing there is no “formula” for healing and restoration, I can chose to believe that God is who He says He is, and He is GOOD! He is about the ultimate good and glory of His name and His story. He doesn’t have to prove that He’s good by doing what we want Him to – we just chose to believe He is trustworthy! He is the giver of all good gifts, and I am enough [so are you!].

3. “The lie that I was all alone in this struggle.” By Jessah at Dreaming of Dimples

In my first few years of infertility, I believed that I was alone. I believed that I was surrounded by pregnant women who got knocked up easily. But it wasn’t true. It was a lie that I was telling myself. There are so many of us who are suffering or have suffered varying degrees of heartbreak on the road to parenthood. Some silently and some wearing it all on their sleeves. If 1 in 6 couples have trouble growing their families, we are really never alone on this journey.

Now that I am finally pregnant, I realized something that I will never forget and remind myself often using the phrase “you don’t know her story”. What do I mean by that? Well, a woman in the depths of infertility despair could look at my growing baby bump and think negative thoughts about how she is the only one in the world who can’t get pregnant. That everyone around her can have a baby with such little effort yet it’s so hard for her.

But she doesn’t know my story.

That woman would have no way of knowing that I am just like her. That this pregnancy didn’t come easily or without a fight. That I shed my share of tears. That I tried to conceive for almost 6 years before finally seeing a BFP. That I had to endure three failed IUIs and three failed IVF attempts before finally using an egg donor to conceive my miracle baby.

This woman could feel pain and alienation. But she just doesn’t know my story. I wonder how many pregnant women I saw when I was trying to conceive that made me feel sad. How would I have felt if I had known that they had just got done fighting their own hard battles? Would I have felt connectedness? Camaraderie? Compassion? Hope? If I had just reminded myself that I am not alone and that I don’t know her story.

4. “The lie that God is punishing me for something I have done.” By Caroline at In Due Time

How many times have you heard someone say that they feel God is punishing them for something they have done? Many people have the thought that the reason they are going through a trial or suffering is because of something they did to cause it and therefore Jesus is punishing them.

That is a lie.

Are there consequences to our actions? Absolutely. Often times when we suffer, it’s because of our own mistakes. However, God does not punish us. God loves us. When you feel like you are being punished, recognize that your punishment was already bought. Romans 5:8 – “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Jesus already paid for our sins. HE is the one who was punished for our sins, not us. HE is the one who received the repercussions, not us. He doesn’t give you what you deserve (punishment and death), because He already paid the price. “He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.” Psalm 103:10

We know God doesn’t punish us, but does He discipline us? Yes. Just as a parent disciplines their child to correct and train them to be more mature, that is what our father does with us. He does it out of love. He does it because He cares for us.

If you ever think that you are being punished, I encourage you to reflect on God’s character. When you have fresh revelations of who He is, you will never doubt that all of His actions towards you are out of love.

5. “The lie that adoption is ‘Plan B’.” By Kailey at Cheers to Plan A

The lie that adoption is ‘plan b’ is a lie that I’ve continually had to lay at Jesus’ feet. It is very easy for me to think, “Oh because we couldn’t get pregnant, adoption is what we had to do so we could become parents.” The truth is that my God is not surprised by our journey to adoption, which was His best plan all along. THAT eases my soul. It gives me peace and allows me to praise Him because His plan is far better than I could ever imagine.

My husband and I have played this silly game called “what is the truth?” I will tell him all these things that are going on in my head from the enemy and he will call it a truth or lie. It sounds super silly, but it works. It helps me match up my thoughts with the Word of God.

The truth is that infertility is how we got to adoption. It is OUR story. And I accept that with joy in my heart. I have no idea what our future looks like, but I know the Heart of my Savior. His heart is turned towards His children and He wants nothing but the very best for you and for me.

I hope that this has encouraged you to make your journey, just that, YOURS. No one else has it. Take ownership, be thankful. It is a privilege to have your own story and live it out. Much love to each of you and know that “Plan A” is what God has had planned for you since the beginning of time AND it is the absolute best!

6. “The lie that I am not healed … at least not yet.” By Elisha at Waiting for Baby Bird

I sat on the edge of my bed taking my blood pressure and as I waited for the reading, I remember thinking to myself that if it is within normal range than I am finally healed of this symptom resulting from PCOS. However as the numbers appeared and I saw 160/92, I heard a whisper that said, “Not healed yet.” Each morning when I would pluck out 15 dark coarse hairs from my chin, I would hear the same voice whispering, “Not healed today.” As my menstrual cycle would go past 50 days for the fourth time in a row, I could hear it again quietly reminding me that I was still not healed.

It wasn’t until I looked in the mirror one day, wondering when I would be healed of this dreaded illness that consumes my entire being, that I heard a different voice…a different whisper. This one said, “By His wounds you ARE healed.” I laughed! If I am healed, then why do I still see the evidence of PCOS? Why do I still have high blood pressure, excess facial hair, insulin resistance, lack of ovulation and long cycles? I am not healed…at least not yet. It wasn’t long after thinking those thoughts that I realized the voice I had been listening to…the one telling me I wasn’t healed yet, was the enemy. He was feeding me the lie that my healing of PCOS was a work to be completed rather than already finished. Isaiah 53:5 says that by His wounds we ARE healed. It doesn’t say we might be…will be…could be…but ARE. God wants you and me to know that what we desperately need Him to do for us has already been done.

Jesus’ finished work at the cross satisfied the Father’s heart that from heaven’s throne came the pronouncement, “It is done!” in response to Jesus’ cry, “It is finished!” on earth. I no longer worry about what I see or feel, or the presence of contradicting reports. These are just lies from the enemy and though they are very real, I know that they are temporal and not the truth. God’s Word is the truth and when you start believing that only what God’s Word says about your situation is true, all the lying symptoms will eventually have to line up with His Word. I am living proof as I can testify that once I began ignoring the voice of the enemy and believing the truth that by His stripes I am already healed, my cycles suddenly became much shorter and ovulation started occurring naturally. I give all the honor, glory and praise to God.

My question to you today is what do you see when it comes to your healing? Do you see a finished work or a work that is yet to be completed? God the Father says, “It is done!” Jesus says, “It is finished!” What do you say?

7. “The lie that God’s gift is actually a curse.” By Charity at The Word of a Nerd

Sixteen weeks along – this milestone was filled with excitement – if we chose to, we could know the sexes of our babies, see how big they’d gotten, and watch them squirm on the ultrasound screen. Instead I laid down for what seemed like hours as the ultrasound technician scanned over and over on my belly. Her excitement waned and she was no longer as chatty as before. I wasn’t worried until she brought the doctor in – a doctor who couldn’t be any worst at delivering bad news. The news about one of my baby’s health was accompanied by the fiery arrows of the devil. They pierced into me and I began to question all of what I thought I knew.

My babies are a miracle! GOD himself directed our path to pregnancy, He orchestrated every single step and I knew that. In that moment I wasn’t sure I knew anything and I was positive that I didn’t hear God correctly. I was sure that I had been disobedient and that God was punishing me by stunting the growth of my baby.

Since then my mind has drastically changed. I am not allowing the words of death to penetrate my heart or my womb. I am reminded that I am loved deeply by the GOD who sent His Son to die for my sins. I am reminded that GOD knew my babies before I did and He loves them much more than I can. His love is what I have hope in and His ability to heal is where my faith lies – not in doctors and not in a diagnosis. The enemy seeks to take the joy that God has given to me by making me believe his gift is a curse. I don’t believe it anymore, I know my God – He operates in love not fear. 1 John 4:18

I hope this post has blessed you as much as it has blessed me! We love touching others as well, so feel free to share with your friends or readers! I’d love to hear what lie you are debunking and how you are doing it too, so please, join in the conversation and share your heart with us in the comments!

Until next time … XOXO!

PS – For those regular readers of my blog, Friday Favorites will be postponed a few days — check back Monday or Tuesday for a special edition. :)

pcos awareness.

September 14, 201417 Comments

September is PCOS Awareness month and I can’t let it slip away without bringing attention to the disease I suffer from – Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Now if medical-related blogs aren’t really your thing, which is TOTALLY okay, now would be a great time to say ‘peace out’ for today. But for others who are interested, I would love to share with you a little bit more about what PCOS is and how it affects the body, how its controlled, how to treat it and then share some great resources with you.

What is PCOS? Polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS for short) is the most common hormonal endocrine disorders in women. Most women with PCOS (but not all) grow many small cysts on their ovaries. We are who lucky enough to have said cysts (insert sarcastic tone here) typically call these cysts a “pearl necklace”. No, this isn’t the pretty kind of jewelry Audrey Hepburn wears around her neck, instead they are tiny cysts strung in a row around the lining of our ovaries (seen on an ultrasound). These cysts aren’t typically harmful and will mainly cause hormone imbalances (unless they burst, which is very serious unless treated immediately.)

What are the symptoms of PCOS? PCOS can be so tricky to diagnose because there are a wide variety of signs and symptoms that a woman might experience. Unfortunately there isn’t one stand-alone test that can be done. Most of the time it is a combination of tests that will lead your physician to diagnose you with PCOS. Sometimes women only have a few of these symptoms that may be mild or severe or perhaps many of the symptoms are non-existent. Common symptoms are listed below with the percentage of women with PCOS who are affected with said issue:

Irregular periods (75-80%) (in fact 25% of women with PCOS have regular cycles)
Excessive hair growth on the face and body (60-80%)
Thinning hair (40-70%)
Acne (40-60%)
Excess weight, sugar cravings and the inability to lose weight (75-80%)
Insulin resistance (55-80%)
Abnormal blood lipid levels and a tendency to have an apple shape (55-80%)
Darkening of skin areas, particularly on the nape of the neck (known as acanthosis nigricans) (10%)
Skin tags (unknown %)
Gray-white breast discharge (8-10%)
Sleep apnea and sleep disturbances (8%)
Pelvic pain (unknown %)
Depression, anxiety and other emotional disorders (unknown %)

Unfortunately PCOS does tend to run in families, so there is an increase in diagnosis if women in your family have PCOS, symptoms of excess male hormones, weight problems, irregular periods and/or infertility.

One of the significant symptoms that I struggle with is insulin resistance, leading to weight issues as well as increased male hormones. Because I, like many women, are insulin resistant, it puts us in a category of being “pre-diabetic” and more likely to be diagnosed with diabetes down the line if not properly managed.

How is PCOS controlled? Simply put, one of the easiest ways to control PCOS is through diet and exercise. I read it that ”put very simply”, this is how it works:

Weight loss –> Reduced Insulin resistance –> Lowered insulin blood levels –> lessened secretion of male hormones by ovaries

Guys, I wish I could convey to you how difficult it is for women with PCOS to lose weight though if being overweight is a struggle. (And not all women with PCOS are overweight.) It can be extremely tough but not impossible. Managing PCOS with diet means having to follow a low-glycemic and low-carbohydrate plan. Food plays a crucial part in minimizing PCOS symptoms and even when someone is nearly perfect on their diet, they can see little to no changes in weight. It can be incredibly frustrating and women with PCOS can also gain weight at a rapid rate due to the hormones imbalances and insulin resistance. Our blood levels constantly fluctuate which leads to storing our calories as fat and then hanging on to it tightly. However, weight management is known to be one of the most powerful ways to control PCOS. In fact, one of the books I read claims that “losing 7-10% of your body weight causes more than two-thirds of women to resume ovulating, even with some long histories of infertility”. (Annnnnd unfortunately for me, I was not one of those two-thirds ladies, oh boo.)

How do you diagnose PCOS? This is pretty tricky but the doctor will take into consideration a number of factors, including two common symptoms, irregular periods and a lack of ovulation. They will also run several labs tests, for example checking your levels of male hormones, your luteinizing hormone (LH), and follicle-stimulating hormones (FSH). Many but not all doctors will do an ultrasound to look at your ovaries to see if there are multiple cysts evident and then lastly, they will rule out any other issues that may lead to similar symptoms, like thyroid issues. PCOS affects 5-10% of the female population.

How is PCOS treated? Like I mentioned above, diet is a key component to managing PCOS, however, there are times when that just isn’t enough. In women who are not actively trying to conceive, an oral contraceptive is typically one of the first things that a doctor will try, simply because it helps to steady your hormones levels. However obviously with women who are trying to start a family, being on birth control is, well, counterproductive. J Many women are started on a drug called Metformin which is commonly used in the management of type 2 diabetes. (It lowers your blood sugar levels which can reduce your insulin resistance.) Its works for many patients, but unfortunately not everyone. (Again, like me, hmmm, apparently I stick out like a bad statistic.) Many women just live with the symptoms of PCOS and treat them best they can, perhaps using an acne medicine for their acne or sleeping pills for sleep disorders or waxing for excess hair growth.

What are other conditions that may go with PCOS? There are some other diseases and conditions that are increased in women with PCOS and I don’t share any of this to make you nervous if you have PCOS yourself, but instead, share it so that you can be aware and proactive to minimize the risks. Some of these diseases are: type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease due to imbalanced cholesterol levels (another symptom), heart disease, endometrial hyperplasia and uterine cancer. Unfortunately women with PCOS are several times more likely than other women to develop uterine cancer due to the increased level of hormones and a lack of ovulation. (Since we don’t ovulate as often, our uterine lining doesn’t shed as often, which then affects our endometrium. If you have prolonged absences in your menstrual cycles (90+ days) work with your physician, as there are drugs that can trigger a period, such as Provera or a natural progesterone cream.)

Also, unfortunately staying pregnant is tougher for women with PCOS. Data shares that sadly, women with PCOS have three times the normal risk for miscarriage (which is 10-15% in normal women). Four out of five women with repeated miscarriages have been reported to have PCOS. There are ways to prevent this and drugs that help significantly reduce the miscarriage rate however, so again, make sure you are working closely with your doctor. There are MANY MANY MANY healthy babies born from a mommy with PCOS.

But I wanna have a baby!!!! Finally, some good news! The likelihood of having a baby with PCOS is great. PCOS is complex, yes, and perhaps I am not the best person to be writing about how pregnancy and deliveries are possible, but data shows that they are. Whenever possible, weight loss is the best place to start, but from there, there are many prescribed fertility drugs that can assist. While PCOS can never be cured, it can be controlled and that’s what we are aiming to do. ;)

Whoa! I hope I didn’t overwhelm you with too much info! PCOS certainly doesn’t make life more fun, however, it’s important to keep in mind that this isn’t just about me or you. There are many people around us who are struggling with a disease or condition. Like many diseases, education is an important tool and I hope that in reading this, you understand a little bit more about the disease you have been diagnosed with or someone you care about has. Due to its complexity, the associated hormonal imbalances, and the pure frustration of not being able to do what seems so natural to many, depression and anxiety are common in women with PCOS. It’s important to seek help when managing it on your own becomes too overwhelming. (A depressed mood, sleep disturbances, a loss of interest in things that you used to enjoy, feeling hopeless, constantly fatigued, changes in your appetite and/or suicidal thinking are all signs that it’s time to seek help.) Support groups can help tremendously. And always remember that seeking help does not mean that you are weak or less than others – professional help is there to help you cope with the hardships. Don’t be afraid to take advantage of that.

If you have made it to the end – congratulations! Thanks for taking the time to read this and I hope that I have been able to shed some light on PCOS. If you are a fellow believer, always, always, always remember that we serve a God much greater than PCOS, much more powerful than its symptoms and able to do much more than we can ask or imagine.

Reading Resources: There are two books I highly recommend if you are struggling with PCOS. The first is A Patient’s Guide to PCOS: Understanding and Reversing Polycistyc Ovary Syndrome by Walter Futterweit, M.D. with George Ryan and the second is The Ultimate PCOS Handbook: Lose Weight, Boost Fertility, Clear Skin and Restore Self Esteem by Collete Harris and Theresa Cheung. (Both books are linked here to Amazon, however, I do not receive compensation for these links. These links will simply provide you with more information on the books.)

Please note, this post is not intended to replace the medical advice of your doctor or health care provider. Please consult your health care provider for advice about PCOS or any other health concern.