december crushes.

December 30, 201520 Comments

Happy Wednesday friends! It’s crazy that December is almost over – whoa. Time to sneak in some December crushes for you, enjoy!

1 – The Podcast Series “When God Doesn’t Make Sense”

I love listening to podcasts and this month, Pastor Craig Groeschel from Life.Church crushed it with these 3 messages. The teaser about the series says: “Life doesn’t always go the way we expected. You pray with faith, but God doesn’t do what you asked. You seek Him, but don’t feel His presence. You’re going through pain, but your cries for relief seem to go unanswered. What do you do When God Doesn’t Make Sense?” I highly recommend downloading the audio to your phone and giving them a listen! I was encouraged and comforted by so much of what He taught.

Link to the website: http://www.life.church/watch/when-god-doesnt-make-sense/

And for those who need a little bit more to gain your interest, here are some of the Key Points:

Just because God is silent doesn’t mean God is absent.
You don’t have to understand the plan to trust God’s purpose.
God’s delays are not necessarily God’s denials.
If God always met your expectations, He’d never have the opportunity to exceed them.
With God, a waiting season is never a wasted season.
The scene of your greatest disappointment may be the setting of your greatest miracle.
True prayer isn’t about getting our way but surrendering our will.
Prayer reminds us we are not in control and keeps us close to the one who is.
Prayer isn’t just asking but trusting.
God’s grace fills the gap between our pain and His promises.
Me: “This is what I need.” God: “No, I’m what you need.”

2 – My TTC Mug Exchange Box

My partner Katie sent me such an awesome TTC Mug Exchange box! It’s been a blast watching all the boxes being exchanged over the last few weeks and I may be a little biased, but this box couldn’t have been more perfect! Included was the CUTEST “hello darling” mug; a santa dog toy for Cali (that she is obsessed with), a doggie “latte” (treats, that again, she is obsessed with); a Winter Candy Apple candle, Christmas pens and Kleenex, a little journal, the dreamiest hand lotion + hand sanitizer, planner tabs and prayer verse cards. So cute! Thank you Katie for spoiling us! We adore you! (Cue your chance to say a little prayer for Katie and her hubby as they try to grow their family!)

3 – Christmas Parties

Can we just love on all the celebrations that happen in December? I feel like I have been eating bad for a month straight (January – new goals!) but it has been so worth the laughs, smiles and memories. Here are just a few pics from my favorite gatherings! Of course I managed to not grab pictures from actual Christmas Eve or Day (figures right!?) so just use your imagination. We are celebrating with my family this weekend so the celebrations are still going! Such a great way to make the season last.

“Stuck” Christmas party

Seeing my nieces Christmas recital

Love this life group of mine!

Dinner parties with my Knickitchies <3

The In the Wait team Christmas coffee

Making gingerbread houses with our nieces + Josh’s brother and SIL

4 – Reindeer Throw pillow

This reindeer pillow from Target totally made my month. Seeing the sparkly beads + bright colors on the couch made me smile every day and also, makes me never want to put it away. (Nothing says Happy Memorial Day like reindeer right??) Want a pillow of your own? It’s on clearance and won’t be around for long! Shop here: Target Multi Color Reindeer Pillow

IMG_6245 - Copy.JPG

5 – Light of The World by Lauren Daigle

This song was so refreshing to me this Christmas season. I won’t pretend like this has been a great month for me – it’s been a bit rough and my emotions have felt all over the place. So this song, wow. It refocuses my heart on why we celebrate this December. It refills my Hope tank just a little bit more. I pray it blesses you as much as it blessed me!

The world waits for a miracle
The heart longs for a little bit of hope
Oh come, Oh come Emmanuel

The child prays for peace on earth
And she’s calling out from a sea of hurt
Oh come, Oh come Emmanuel

And can you hear
The angels singing

Glory to the light of the world
Glory the light of the world is here

The drought breaks
With the tears of a mother
A babies cry is the sound
Of love come down
Come down, Emmanuel

He is the song for the suffering
He is messiah
The Prince of Peace has come
He has come, Emmanuel

Glory to the light of the world
Glory to the light of the world
Glory to the light of the world
Glory to the light of the world
For all who wait
For all who hunger
For all who’ve prayed
For all who wander
Behold your King
Behold Messiah
Emmanuel, Emmanuel

Glory to the light of the world
Glory to the light of the world
Glory to the light of the world
Behold your King
Behold Messiah
Emmanuel, Emmanuel

The world waits for a miracle
The heart longs for a little bit of hope
O come, O come Emmanuel

6 – Triple Tie for Sixth

IMG_5369 - Copy

How cute is Cali’s specially made doggie shirt? Want one for your little human babe? Check out my friend’s Etsy shop over at: https://www.etsy.com/shop/mayberrybowtique

This sign. All the tears and feels. And yes, it has now made it’s way into my home.

41AGtgEJH9L._SY344_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg

Lastly, Louis Giglio’s Waiting Here For You: An Advent Journey Of Hope devotional. I know I shared a little bit about it in my Emmanuel post, but this devotional saved my spirit a lot this Christmas. It was hard to find and I would totally order it and set it aside for next Advent if I were you! (Or go through it in January because you are wild + crazy + can. Go you.)

Click here for the link to find out more and/or purchase

There you have it! December’s crushes according to me. But of course, we can’t end a Favorites post without some funnies! Enjoy!

IMG_5484 - Copy IMG_5445 - Copy IMG_6012 - Copy IMG_5680 - Copy

I’ll see you all in 2016! XOXO.

Emmanuel.

December 11, 2015December 11, 201514 Comments

I wrote a blog post today and while editing, was surprised at how bitter I sounded. (It got erased.) It was cathartic to write but painful to read back. Because that’s not me. I am not bitter. Who stepped in and wrote these words?

I sounded sour. I was stewing over the fact that had our March miscarriage not happened, our baby would be 3 weeks old. I had just gotten off Facebook where I was reminded that I can’t take my kids to see Santa, strategically place an Elf on the Shelf every night, or cuddle with them while watching Christmas movies. I was weary about hearing about how wonderful grandchildren are and tired of listening to all the special moments “families” (read: parents with children) share in over the holidays. The whole post read “WARNING! THIS GIRL IS CRANKY.”

All of these emotions above are real. I am sure you have had them before too – sorrow, grief, anger, frustration, impatience, and bitterness. It’s hard when you don’t feel like anyone understands or tries to validate that it can be tough work to face into triggers every single day. Once a brave face goes up, everyone expects you to be fine. No relapses allowed. Let’s just talk about children.

Christmas time can be a struggle for those struggling with infertility, however, friends, let’s not live in that struggle. I know, this is hard. It’s hard for me to type this after a morning of feeling defeated and left out. But God is so faithful. He patiently reminded me that as believers, we aren’t defined by what we don’t have, we are defined by what we DO have and that’s Him.

I know you may not have expected to be spending Christmas this way (again). But we serve a good God, a God of miracles, a God who cares and sees every tear and a God who loves us so much that He sent His Son to earth for us. You see, Christmas is one of the most beautiful reminders that God can do and will do anything for His children. But so often I can forget that while waiting. I love what Louis Giglio says in Waiting Here for You:

“But Jesus didn’t arrive without a wait. While you and I simply turn the page, moving effortlessly from the end of the Old Testament promises to the opening of Matthew’s Gospel, it wasn’t quite that easy. Four hundred years of silence spanned the gap between the final prophecies spoken in Malachi (the last Old Testament book) and the birth of Christ… Imagine the agony of waiting, the struggle to keep faith in the promises given long before.”

You see, God can work and move suddenly. Because after that long gap of silence, Matthew 1 came. “The wait was over. The silence was broken. Heaven unleashed thunderous applause. And in a messy manager, Jesus was born. God in human flesh! The Son of God had become the Son of Man. Emmanuel – God with us.”

We can cling to that Good News this Christmas season. God with us. We never have to fight our emotions and longings alone. He knows them well. Whatever battle you are facing today that’s making Christmas a little tough, whether it’s singleness, illness, infertility, finances, wayward family members, or _____, take comfort knowing that we have the presence of an Almighty, Holy, caring God standing with us.

I don’t know about you, but my heart needed to be reminded today that Christmas is much more than Santa coming or a Christmas card with a pregnancy announcement. Christmas celebrates something far more eternal than our earthly minds can process – it celebrates His faithfulness to fulfill what He promised. It reminds us that God has never abandoned His children and He won’t start now. Let’s not grieve this season as if we have no Hope. JESUS offers us REAL Hope born out of His great love for us.

Let’s savor the ability to make Christmas special just as we are. Let’s celebrate what we do have instead of mourning only over what we don’t. Let’s praise the One who gave His Son for us. To Him be the glory!

Truly, I have so much to be thankful for. I love this little family of mine more than words can say! Photo by: Gina Zeidler

the beauty in the hard.

November 26, 2015November 23, 201513 Comments

Happy Thanksgiving friends! Today’s entry is an edited repost of one I wrote back in 2013. While we have gone through so much between then and now, every word still rings true. So, regardless of your own season of wait or hardship, I pray that today you can soak in the highlights, the blessings, and the beautiful parts of the pain. Crazy, I know, but read on to see what I’m talking about … (then get offline and go enjoy your Thanksgiving, hehe!).

(i’m thankful for …)

Happy Thanksgiving to my friends in the USA and Happy Thursday to my friends around the world. : ) There is something so fun about today. I love gratitude and having a whole day where the entire country is focused on it is pretty neat. Some favorite holiday traditions of mine include watching the Macy’s day parade, listening my husband riffle through the Black Friday newspaper and sharing every good deal in it with me (“No, really though, isn’t that a great deal? I wish we needed a scooter.”), and of course, all the food to be feasted on. And of course, the relaxing time with the family, creating new memories and enjoying laughter is great too.

But one thing I wanted to share with you all today is this simple fact: I am thankful for my infertility.

No that wasn’t a typo. This Thanksgiving I’ve decided to forgo the traditional gratitude list (all of which are valid and are things I really am thankful for) and instead, share with you this reality.

I am thankful for my infertility.

Dealing with infertility has taught me so many things and given me so much. It has been difficult. There has been tremendous heartache. Many tears. Physical suffering and emotional agony. Moments of desperation and periods of heavy sadness and grief. Yet I wouldn’t trade this journey in for anything.

Infertility has taught me to learn how to choose joy in tough situations. It has changed my heart to be one that sees the glass as half full instead of half empty. It has made my “joy muscles” work out and as a result, there are days I feel like I could bench press a truck. And admittedly, days I ignore the joy gym, but at least I still feel convicted about it. It has reminded me that we are to give thanks in EVERY situation, not just the ones that make us feel warm and fuzzy.

Infertility has strengthened my marriage. I truly can’t imagine walking down this path with anyone other than Josh. It has brought us to our knees in prayer, together as a unit. It has made us realize what God meant when He said we will cleave to our spouse. It has made me appreciate his optimism and positivity more than ever. It has given us reasons to laugh together, cry together, and learn to love deeply and unconditionally. It has made us depend on one another in unique ways and Josh’s example has taught me what it is like to have a servants heart.

Infertility has brought me closer to friends, family and strangers. It has caused me to seek support from unlikely places and communicate in ways I hadn’t imagined. Because of it, my heart has swelled and overflowed due to the incredible kindness of others. I have made new friends thanks to Instagram and this blog – friendships that I don’t doubt will last a lifetime. It has made me more vulnerable with my family and friends – people I see in real life, that have been given an insiders pass to my heart and emotions. It has resulted in beautiful conversations, meaningful prayers prayed, and many tears and hugs given.

Infertility has helped me to look past my own situation and into the lives of others. It has made me more aware that everyone is suffering from a Thing. It has helped me to assume the best about people’s dispositions and taught me to extend grace since I have no idea what path others are walking on. It has sharpened my spiritual gift of encouragement and made me fine tune reading people’s hearts and needs, and prayerfully, helping to say the right words at the right times.

Infertility has made me stronger than I ever imagined possible. It has forced me to deal with difficult tasks – whether it’s giving myself shots or learning patience during a two week wait. It has given me reasons to be sad, cry and learn how to lean on a strength that’s not my own. It has made me pick myself up off the ground, brush the dirt off my shoulders, and keep walking forward. It has taught me the fine art of persistence. It has reminded me that we are to “ask, seek, and knock.” (Matthew 7:7-8). It has taught me to keep knocking and to trust that the door will be opened.

Infertility has taught me that God will equip me where He calls me. Never did I ever imagine having a blog. Never did I imagine writing routinely. Never did I imagine sharing our small story with all of you. Yet each time I sit down, He fills my heart with words and allows my fingers to type in a way that, thankfully, many of you understand. I am not a writer – yet somehow, I write.

Infertility has taught me that I don’t always know best. I have recited Proverbs 3:5 to myself more times in the last few years than any other verse in the Bible. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.” It has reminded me that my own logic, my own decisions, my own will and my own knowledge are nothing compared to His will and plans. It has resulted in me trusting where He leads us more than what makes sense in my head. (For the math folks out there, that means His plan > My understanding.)

Infertility will make me a more graceful pregnant woman and hopefully, a better mother. It will allow me to experience pregnancy (God willing) with a spirit of thanksgiving, knowing what a wonderful gift I will be given. (Or at least teach me to know my audience on tough days.) It will allow me to embrace the challenges, remembering how strongly I desired them. It has allowed me to pray for my children and their lives many years in advance. I don’t think I would have been a lucrative mother, but it sure has given me time to prepare my heart as much as possible for what may be ahead.

Infertility has made me enjoy this season of my life. The quiet. The calm. The ability to walk out of the door and run to Target when I want. The ability to have spontaneous date nights with Josh and the ability to go to bed at 8:30 if we so choose. I appreciate sleeping in, taking long baths and watching shows other than Nick Jr. I can’t wait for the time to come when all of that changes, but for this time, right now, I am grateful for what I can experience.

Infertility has taught me that life doesn’t always have to make sense for us to be content. It has helped me realize that if God answered every prayer we all prayed, we would be living in heaven. It has helped me remember that we live in a fallen world, with human bodies that are less than perfect. We are in a world of sadness and death, with more and more dysfunction every day. It certainly isn’t ideal but I serve a Lord that “causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God…” (Romans 8:28).

Infertility has made me realize that I don’t always need to come up with the right words to pray in order for Him to be near. “Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves…” (Romans 8:26-27a MSG) It has taught me a greater appreciation for His Spirit.

And lastly, and most importantly, infertility has caused me to fall deeper in love with my Father. It has caused me to seek Him with all of my heart. It has made me turn to Him for comfort and it has made me realize that nothing on this earth is more valuable than my relationship with Him. God, in return, has drawn intimately close to me and His daily presence in every moment of my life brings utter joy to the surface. It has taught me that denying myself and following Him (Luke 9:23) is to trust in His plan and walk with Him regardless of my own desires. It has made me dive deeper into His love letter to us, made me seek Him through podcasts and music, and transformed a stagnant prayer life into a daily conversation with Him. Infertility has taught me that my eternal Hope has already overcome it all. That this world, these moments, this life, is brief compared to what is ahead.

When I started this blog in 2012 and was asked the gigantic task of creating a web address for the page, I chose “trials bring joy”. It stemmed from James 1:2-4 which says: “Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.” Oh Lord, I am finally getting it. It took a while – but reflecting on this trial placed in front of me, and all the lessons learned from it, I can’t help but understand the phrase “trials bring joy” even more so now. It ispossible for our most difficult times in life to be an opportunity to bring great joy.

I wouldn’t wish infertility on anyone. But I do wish that everyone had the opportunity to go through a challenge, a trial, a journey, which results in building endurance. For when we go through fiery times in life, like silver being melted and transformed, we WILL come out more refined and polished. And for that I am thankful. I am thankful for this time of fire. I am thankful for a God who never leaves my side. I am thankful for YOU – for caring as deeply as you do. For the prayers of many and for the joy that is to come. I am FAR from perfect. I have good days and bad days. But what I have learned thus far has made an everlasting impact on my life.

So on that note, we wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving (and/or Thursday). Enjoy the day!

“Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory He will reveal to us later.” (Romans 8:18)

listening.

November 23, 201511 Comments

You know what’s hard for a talkative gal like myself? Listening. Shutting up. Not being so excited to share what my thoughts are on the topic and just listening. While I continue to work on this in my friendships (and thank God for friends with so much grace), I’ve been even more challenged with it lately in my relationship with God.

This time of year tends to be filled with lots of to-do lists and hustling. I try to make my daily quiet time more than just a check list item. I try to intentionally invest in quality time set apart from the craziness of what the day holds. But more often than I would care to admit, by the time I close out that time with prayer, this is what happens:

Dear God, thank you for this time together today. I am not sure next with (FILL IN A SEASON OF UNCERTAINTY). Make your path known to me. Please make the roads clear. Help me hear you. Amen

Then, I immediately jump up, tuck away my devotional items and move on to the next activity.

The other night I was lying in bed, trying to fall asleep but it wasn’t happening. Typically in those moments I pray but for some reason that night I thought “Well, He already knows what’s in my mind and on my heart so I don’t really need to do that right now.”

Then this next thought popped into my head so fast that my eyes widened in deep conviction:

Yes daughter, but you didn’t know what I had to say in response to what’s on your heart, nor are you giving us a chance to grow the intimacy of our relationship. I want the chance to engage with you. Talk to me so that you can listen to me. And be cautious not to filter the answers I am giving you with the answers you want to hear.

Whoa.

I sat with those thoughts for a long time and have continued to think about them a lot over the last week. Can I process my takeaways with you today?

God doesn’t call us to have an unbalanced relationship with Him. Relationships aren’t meant to be one-sided conversations. If we aren’t spending time being quiet, how are we supposed to give Him a chance to reply? When He’s not whispering thoughts that aren’t mine into my head at midnight , I usually grab a pen and journal and just start to write the words that fill my head from Him. It’s not a big booming voice; it’s just my voice in my head with words and a tone that aren’t my own. And it usually only flows well when I am truly being quiet.

Secondly, we need to stop asking for answers while only looking for affirmations that are in line with what we want. Gulp. If I am going to tell Him I am open to whatever the future holds, I need to stop dismissing answers I don’t want to hear. And I need to stop funneling everything through my will instead of His.

The next day this image from Lysa Terkeurst popped up on social media. So good right?

IMG_4751 (1)

Today, I am passing along this challenge – will you join me in paying attention to Him? Join me in prioritizing time with Him that includes doing nothing but listening. Let’s calm our hearts, giving Him a chance to share His heart with us, a chance to engage back. Don’t get caught up in the excuse, as I did, that “He already knows so I don’t need to share it”; remember that relationships go both ways. Grab your Bible, read His Word, engage in a book or devotional that helps you connect with His truths, and journal out your prayers (if it helps you stay on track). Be curious about what a 2-way relationship looks like to Him.

Let’s walk into these busy weeks ahead with a softened heart willing to hear Him no matter what the reply is. Who’s with me???

tumblr_mbht1y2hZh1ror6v2

fur mama giveaway.

October 5, 20151 Comment

Oh I am SO excited for this one friends! If you know me at alllllll, you know that my fur baby, Cali, is insanely precious to me (bordering obsessive) and that I love being her fur mama. Another thing I love is mail and encouragement. So imagine my DELIGHT when I saw that Fertile Box’s October TTC Care Package was made SPECIFICALLY with Fur Mama’s in mind! ALL THE FEELS. (And it can be made for a cat or dog mom too!)

Crystal sent me and Cali this AMAZING Fur Mama Care Package and we couldn’t love it more! So, I couldn’t let the day pass without sharing this awesome box with you AND of course, inviting you to win one for FREE! (More details on that later!)

(Side note: If you aren’t trying to conceive and still want this box, you can! When you order it, simply add a note that you aren’t trying to conceive and she will omit the TTC-related items, as well as allow you to add an extra quote print of your choosing. HURRAY!)

Let me walk you through this awesome box. Gah, you’re going to love it!

My box arrived and was packaged so cute and carefully. Take a peek!

Cali was immediately interested and of course came over to help open it! First we opened the Fur Mama Survival Kit.

Inside was: 2 flower and bow collar attachments, a package of homemade dog treats (which has been Cali-approved!), an adorable Snoopy halloween toy (with a squeaker, which we have been hearing all weekend in the most adorable way), and some fall doggy bags.This bag was a home run!!!!!

Next we opened this box:

Inside was this PRECIOUS paw print necklace in silver. I’m swooning!

Next we opened this Trick or Treat bag.

Inside was some special treats for me – a face mask, a KIND bar (my favorite kind too!), some Kettle Pop gourmet gum, and of course, you can’t do fall without some pumpkin spice! I can’t wait to try this Tazo Chai tea!

Next up, unwrapping this:

It held this ADORABLE Fur Mama tee shirt! The shirt is so soft! They offer sizes S – 2XL. I can’t wait to iron mine and rock it! You can count on seeing a selfie on Instagram this week for sure. (Just realized this image is a little blurry but you get the picture!)

Next up – this 5 x 7 quote print out. I love how she adhered it to the box so that it shipped safely. Just love it!

Last up was the TTC part of the package, which again, can be omitted if you aren’t TTC and replaced with an extra quote print out:

The front of the package looks like this:

And it’s filled with 5 ovulation tests, 2 pregnancy tests, and of course, baby dust!

Seriously – you guys. This will put a smile on ANY Fur Mama’s face! The card in the box says it all: “For many of us … the only thing keeping us sane on this difficult journey to parenthood is the unconditional love of our fur babies….We may not be human mommies yet, but we’re wonderful loving Fur Mama’s!”

If you are supporting someone who is struggling to start a family and know that they would love this Fur Mama package, order them one. Seriously. It brings tears to my eyes thinking about someone going out of their way to acknowledge how much of a mom you can be to a pet.

Every month has a different theme for the Monthly TTC Care Packages and this is the only month to order the Fur Mama collection and they will sell out, so don’t delay! Head over to http://www.myfertilebox.com to place an order! There are two versions of the box, this FULL version ($36) which includes everything pictured, and the MINI version ($26) which has everything except the t-shirt. Seriously, for everything inside, it’s a DEAL!

BUT WAIT! Because I love you guys so much, and Crystal over at Fertile Box is so amazing, we are offering my readers a special promotional code for a FREE “Refuse to Sink” silver cuff! All you have to do is enter the Promo Code FALLBONUS when checking out.

Every month there is a different theme to the packages so if you aren’t a fur mama, or if you want to spread some love next month or over the holidays, keep checking out http://www.myfertilebox.com for updates. There is always something new and it makes this journey so much more bearable.

Now, the GIVEAWAY!!!!!

This giveaway is being conducted entirely through Instagram, so head on over to my account @chels819 to enter. Rules to enter:

Follow @FertileBox and @Chels819
Like the Giveaway Picture
Tag 3 friends that you think might be interested!

That’s it! But for an extra 3 entries, repost the Instagram picture (pictured below for an easy save and repost) and use the hashtags #fertilebox #FurMamaGiveaway. (if you are set to private, direct message me a screenshot of the post.)

So easy! We are drawing the winner at the end of the day FRIDAY, OCTOBER 9TH so don’t let time get away from you! This honestly is the funnest giveaway EVER and I can’t wait to spoil a special fur mama with this package. (By the way, we are giving away the FULL version! Whoop whoop!).

Okay, what are you waiting for? Go enter and/order! Before they are all gone!

Use this Image on Instagram to repost

(Also, congratulations to Amy L. who won the In Due Time book giveaway! It’s not too late to buy a copy for yourself – head on over HERE to purchase one for yourself in paperback or for your Kindle! Thanks again Jen for sponsoring that giveaway!

10 things and summer in a nutshell.

August 3, 201518 Comments

Excited to share a featured story over on EmpowHER today! The response from the community has been so well received and you are to thank! Thank you for sharing articles like this which foster awareness, education and help guide relationships and conversations. Keep the warm, open, honest and loving conversations going … your words make a difference!

10 Things I Want Other Women to Know About Infertility

“Infertility is a path that can be lonely, long and bumpy, filled with good and bad days. Throughout the battle, I’ve connected with other women, women who understand how it feels to be on this rollercoaster. Our emotions, feelings and thoughts are often similar and below is a compilation of our voice to share what we want others to know about infertility. Welcome to our world.”

Click here to continue reading 10 Things I Want Other Women to Know About Infertility

And with this post comes AUGUST! Whaaaaattttt?!

A few peeks into my month ahead:

1) I turn 30 on the 19th. I am all like:

Birthdays are a favorite of mine as I am a words of affirmations and receiving gifts love languages gal. Birthday cards, notes, and “thinking of you”‘s make me giddy and fill my tank for a long long time. I LOVE IT!

2) Global Leadership Summit! I am hitting up the satellite conference here in Minnesota … anyone else attending? Can’t wait to hear some great speakers!

3) New York City baby! Each year my mother-in-law, sister-in-law and me take in a long weekend in a new place and this year, its New York City. I have never been to the Big Apple and am pumped! Do you have any must-do’s while traveling the city? Food? Shops? Must-Stops? Taking suggestions here!

(I may have binge watched Gossip Girl in preparation.)

4) The In the Wait devotional pre-sale open on the 19th as well! I shared this tidbit on Instagram earlier this week: “I {l o v e} how God takes our lives and weaves them together in a way only He can. Over the years He’s brought this lovely group of women into my life – all walking different stories, yet all understanding that there are lessons to be learned in trials and seasons of wait. We’ve all been there – wondering what the future holds, navigating how do we get over “t h i s” hurdle in life, figuring out what His peace and power look like in action. He started stirring our hearts and the #InTheWaitStudy began. It’s with these strong, godly, beautiful women that a 6-week devotional began to form, all of us taking what He’s teaching us in our own very different and unique seasons of wait and putting it down on paper … FOR YOU! { h u r r a y ! } I can’t wait (hehe, punny!) to share more with you in the upcoming weeks! Preorders for this devotional start on August 19th …. Who’s ready to dive into with us?!” Don’t worry, I will keep you ALL posted as more details unfold. For now, pop on over to the website to learn more and sign up for special offers and sneak peeks!

The lovely “In the Wait” gals! Beauties arent they!?

Otherwise, to catch up on life quickly, here’s what I’ve been up to:

Spending time at the cabin with family and friends.

Dinner dates with lovely friends.

Observing my sister attempt to groom Cali. It sort of worked.

Spending time at the golf course with this stud. I even golfed my first golf game yesterday! :)

Reading, sunning and enjoying the cabin lake breeze.

Teaching Cali about patriotic pride.

Meeting friends new babes.

So many happy hours and coffee dates. Love! Satisfying to my heart, soul, and belly.

Watching Shawn win the Bachelorette … and realizing he looks like Alf.

Antiquing, garage sales, rummage sales, thrift stores … you name it, I went there. And probably bought it. Gulp. #changepurse

Learning and playing new games – Sequence is my current crush! I need to find it at a garage sale! Keep your eyes peeled MN friends …

Attending one of my moms infamous themed dinners with my aunt, uncle, grandparents, cousins and family! SO. MUCH. FUN.

Eating. So much eating.

One thing that’s not on the top of my list – doctors appointments and fertility discussions. And can I just say, for now, PHEW. It is SO nice to have a break, one where the dates aren’t catching up to me and my brain isn’t foggy with medicines to align my cycle. Taking the summer off was the best idea ever, Yes, fall will come at some point and with it some significant time of prayer for direction, but for now I am just living and boy, is it nice! (Plus its SO refreshing to not be talking about it all the time too! FREEEEEDOM!)

Thanks for reading this obnoxiously long post. Check out the link above if you haven’t already. Otherwise, I look forward to connecting again SOON! For now, I’ll leave you with this stinking adorable snap of Cali sunbathing today. It just cracks me up!

little life update.

July 1, 201510 Comments

How’s your summer going? Can you believe it’s JULY already? I can’t! I haven’t been posting as much frequently but not without good reason! There’s been some exciting things happening over in our house!

Writing. So many of you have encouraged me by sharing your dreams of me writing something in print. God has been so good in blessing me with an opportunity to do just that! I am excited to share that I have been part of an exciting collaboration with some amazing Godly women to create a 6-week devotional based on finding God in the wait. It’s an all encompassing devotional (not just infertility driven) and I think if you are breathing and a woman, will find it an incredible blessing. My time has been pulled away recently as I work on pouring my heart and soul into that project and can’t wait for the time to share more with you! More information will come out later this month, followed by pre-sale hitting the online world mid August. Thank you to those who have pushed and encouraged me to seek how God wants to use me in this time. I hope and pray that if you check it out, you will be blessed. God is good!
Living. I have been working on living intentionally, embracing the moments and enjoying summer. Often times, that’s away from my keyboard as I have been working on getting my head out of the clouds. It’s working! Slowly but surely.
Celebrating. Tomorrow is Josh and my 10 year wedding anniversary and I can’t help but feel incredibly blessed. Marriages have ups and downs and require significant investment, forgiveness, communication and unconditional love. I am beyond grateful to have partnered up with Josh over the last decade to do all of that. We are also celebrating Josh’s birthday next week (33!) and so the days have been filled with a little extra sparkle as these fun days approach.
Reading. I love the fact that summers can be a little lazier and slower and have appreciated all the reading I have been able to do. Right now I am reading “Every Bitter Thing is Sweet: Tasting the Goodness of God in All Things” by Sara Hagerty. All I can say is “yes”. All of it. It’s so good and I know that you will be hearing many more thoughts of mine tied into this in the coming weeks.
Healing. The road of infertility is never easy. I love the reminders that people share with me that infertility doesn’t define me and I would be the first to agree with that. However, infertility can influence every part of our lives and it is hard to separate ME from my disease. I’m tired of it getting in the way of my goals, dreams, plans, future. I am tired of the unknowns, the what-next, the why’s? I am so thankful that God hasn’t left my side as I have brought all these questions to His feet and asked for direction. But healing takes time. He works through it with us and I am grateful that this particular season of self-care and healing can happen when the air is warm and the sun is shining. That being said, my engagement with others has been less than ideal and I have been a little withdrawn and guarded. I am working to reconnect, be better at texting, emailing and calling you back, set up those coffee dates we talked about and bringing a me to the table that has enough energy and cheer to really listen and engage. Thank you for your grace and know that I am making a rebound.

With all of that said, I am still here! I am excited to be entering into final edits and drafts for the devotional, freelancing some articles, and embracing today. I hope to hit the ground running mid July with new posts, thoughts, and updates!

Have a wonderful 4^th of July weekend friends!

june giveaway.

June 4, 2015June 5, 20158 Comments

You know what I love? Reading something that makes you feel a little less crazy, a whole lot understood and helps you through the messy journey of infertility. A few months ago I shared a book during a Q & A series that did all of that for me while also encouraging my faith and validating the fact that you can be a Christian and still wonder “why”. The book is called Every Drunken Cheerleader … Why Not Me: Wit, Wisdom & Warmth from Your Fertility Challenged Friend by Kristine Ireland Waits. First of all, can we just giggle at the title? I think it just goes to show you the humor she has, which is laced throughout the pages. Anyways, I am sharing this with you because Kristine has graciously offered a signed copy of her book to the readers of this blog in a giveaway that I am so excited to host! If it was possible to place this book in each of your hands I would, but at least I can make one lucky person’s dream come true!

To enter, all you have to do is leave your name and email (so I can contact you if you win) through Rafflecopter. You can earn more entries by sharing or following, but if you simply just want to throw you name in the hat, it’s super easy! Oh and because reading also requires a good cup of coffee or tea, I am throwing in a $5 Starbucks gift card for the winner too! A free signed book + Starbucks? What’s not to love!?

Enter now by clicking this link: a Rafflecopter giveaway

I will be drawing the winner and announcing on Tuesday, June 9th so don’t miss out! This contest is limited to those in the USA mailing area however for those who are interested in purchasing this book directly, head over to her website, Barnes and Nobles,or Amazon to order a copy (it’s print to order so don’t let the “temporarily out” scare you off) or download it on your Kindle today. If you enjoy reading my blog, you’ll click immediately with Kristine! Good luck and happy reading! :)

costco lessons.

June 2, 201541 Comments

A few weeks ago I went to Costco. On a Sunday. At 11:30 am. Yes, I see my mistake here, especially after driving around the crowded parking lot for 10 minutes trying to find a spot that wouldn’t require me to pull out my walking shoes. (Ha, kidding, I don’t own walking shoes.) But I was in a good mood and ready to handle the crowds so I could grab a few things.

Well, the place was a zoo, like, even zoo-ier than normal. (I was reminded quickly of my brilliant idea to suggest a ‘sample lane’ for those who wanted to snack and linger and a FAST PASS lane for those who didn’t. Great idea isn’t it?!) But as I bumped carts and grabbed my items, I was amused watching the chaos go on around me.

And so, with my 5-6 items, I headed to the checkout, where it appears that on this particular Sunday, Costco was attempting to compete with Black Friday lines. After glancing at lines 10+ people deep, I picked my lane and got ready to wait.

And wait.

It was clear there was an issue with the registers on all the lanes. The beeping and error messages were ringing loudly and the people around me were getting exasperated. I putzed on my phone, determined to wait this out. (After all, organic eggs and a lifetime supply of cottage cheese can’t be purchased anywhere, ha.) I started to eavesdrop on the conversation behind me. It was a dad with his two daughters, likely about 7 and 4. The youngest daughter was nestled in the cart half asleep, while the older daughter gabbed away.

Daughter: Hey dad, guess what?

Dad: What?

Daughter: I love you

Dad: I love you too.

Daughter: Let’s play the armpit game.

Dad: Okay.

Giggling, squeals, I got bumped. (I did look behind me to see what this game entailed. It appeared to be her raising her arms as he would try to sneak his hands under them in order to lift her up before she could put them back down. It was cute.)

A few minutes passed.

Daughter: Ugh, this is taking forever.

Dad: It sure is taking longer than we expected isn’t it? What a good time to practice our patience!

Daughter: Well, I have been really patient Dad.

Dad: I know you have, you’re doing a great job. It looks like it’s going to be a little bit longer but that’s okay. There’s nothing we can do about it, is there?

Daughter: We could tell them to get some more registers and then maybe it would go faster.

Dad: That’s a great idea, we could tell them that. But how would we want to say it?

Daughter: In a nice voice.

Dad: You’re right. I am sure that the people who are working right now are feeling really tired because they are so busy. But when we leave, if you feel like it still, you could make a suggestion to them.

Daughter: (pause) They probably already thought of that idea.

Dad: Sometimes there is nothing that we can do to fix things and so we just have to be patient, huh? We can make a suggestion if we say it nicely, but sometimes the suggestion doesn’t fix things right away. So then we just have to wait, knowing it’s out of our control.

Daughter: (longer pause) We will get there eventually.

Dad: Exactly. I’m really proud of you for waiting calmly. Let’s just focus on having a fun time in line, okay?

Daughter: Okay! Let’s play the arm pit game!

And just like that, the moment was over and the arm pit game began again. We all went back to waiting and I wish I could tell you the line picked up. (It probably took about 45 minutes) But the conversation between that dad and daughter has stuck with me.

Sometimes we have to wait. Situations are out of control and there is nothing we can do to fix it. Those are the times when it’s really easy to whine, complain, make irritated comments and melt down. But that dad reminded me that sometimes all we can do is stay patient.

I wish I would have turned to that dad and told him thank you and also complimented the way he patiently and lovingly parented his daughters. It would have been really easy for him to let out exasperated sighs and spout off less-than-kind comments to the workers. But instead, he used it to teach his kids (and me) the importance of waiting things out, simply because we can’t do anything else, understanding that we will eventually “get there”.

Galatians 6:9 says it so well – “So let us not become tired of doing good; for if we do not give up, the time will come when we will reap the harvest.”

My encouragement to you today dear friend, is don’t give up. I am preaching this to myself today too. Let’s not tire of being patient, of doing good, of monitoring our attitude and continue to push on. We will reap a harvest when God’s timing is perfect. His Word is reliable and so we strive on, we push forward, we practice patience and we trust Him to come through for us. He will, I know He will.

To the dad in that Costco line, thank you.

PS – I am incredibly behind on comment replies and email correspondence. The embarrassment of being so behind has kept me offline for too many days now and I am SO sorry. I am finishing up a few exciting projects and wrapping up a work contract and then have BIG goals to get back to you. Please know I read every comment, email and pray for you often, even if my typed replies are lacking. It means NOTHING about my deeply grateful heart! XO!

butterfly wings.

May 12, 20154 Comments

“Settle down.”

Those words have been echoing in my mind lately.

“Settle down.”

I am not awesome at settling. In fact, those who know me best wouldn’t describe me as a “settled” person. Calm down doesn’t always sit well with me. I like to go. Be in control. Keep the pace moving. Know the schedule. Neatly check off my to-do list and manage my ever so busy and growing schedule. So when someone tells me to “settle down”, I kind of click my elbows together in a very Ross and Monica secret message way (fans of the show Friends will likely get that.) But seriously, don’t tell me to settle down, I’m fine thank you very much.

So, just when I feel like I have everything under control – the next cycle plans have been made and my endometrial scratch is complete, these words hit me.

Settle down.

And the more I thought about those slightly repulsive words, I realized that I need to settle, not down, but INTO this time of yearning, searching and waiting. Sometimes, planning isn’t the best thing. While there are certainly seasons to plan, it also can take me away from living in the present. It can make me want to push away the season of waiting, wishing, hoping and praying and make me only look ahead. And when I only look ahead, it makes me think that God isn’t in this moment, that maybe this “detour” to starting a family isn’t as intrinsic and critical as it perhaps God is intending it to be.

I am learning that in times of completely “lostness”, in the times where my journey has more questions that answers, than God is teaching me a huge lesson. What’s that lesson? That I need to have total dependence on Him.

Sometimes when it feels like everything else is stripped away from us, we learn that it’s NEEDED to have everything provided for by God. After all we have gone through, we continue to realize how desperately we need Him.

Aren’t those the ugly moments where some of the best learning comes from? If you are anything like me, every part of me wants to push all of that away and scream “NO MORE! No more pain, no more failed attempts, no more positive tests just to be followed by bad news and awful bathroom trips. STOP!”

When I am totally waiting on Him, my heart is stripped down to its rawest form. When I was little, my mom would never let me catch a butterfly or moth because she said as soon as you touched its wings, they lost the ability to fly, the special dust that held their magic was wiped off. If I am being honest, which I try to be, some days it feels like my magic flying dust has been wiped off. I don’t feel like I can fly as well, but you know what? I do feel like God is keep me company as I heal and instead of being restored with my own magic dust, He is filling my wings with His strength.

What if THIS is the most significant season of growth you will ever experience? What if what you are pushing back on so heavily and so angrily, is building the muscles, strength and endurance that you will need for the rest of your life? Muscle growth is painful. Sometimes it feels like it is too much but you know what, the next day, if you show back up at that gym with determination, more muscles will develop. Your response will become a little more seasoned and you can handle a little more that comes your way.

I am learning, and have not perfected in any means, that we do have a choice. We can choose to make an active decision to take advantage of this hard, painful, frustrating, difficult season and choose joy. It would be sooooo easy to become bitter and I certainly fall into that temptation at times. But is that what we really want? I don’t want to waste this life being known as the bitter infertile who you can’t talk to and who won’t rejoice with your joys.

Laurie Short writes (modified): “We cannot side step the importance of the time we will spend in (waiting), but we can live in hope that God will meet you in (that season) and eventually call us out.”

This struggle, as HARD as it is, isn’t necessarily something that God caused, but may be something He has permitting so that we can grow in this present moment. He is great, mighty, powerful, and has yet to fail His people. Do we really think we are going to be the first? God does respond when we call on Him, turn to Him, and desire Him more than anything else. And then, well, it’s been my experience that He brings beautiful blessings and opportunities into our lives when we least expect it.

So here’s to developing these butterfly wings, as ragged as they feel, because I don’t want to lose the lessons of precious, present moment.