My first blog – yikes! First of all, let me just say I have had this site sitting around waiting for a while … months even. The subject of infertility is never an easy one to talk about – and I say that because people frequently become more uncomfortable about it then even I do. The label “infertile” comes out and the sad eyes go on … the “Poor Chelsea. She can’t have a baby. She would be such a good mom.” eyes. The awkward hesitancy that always comes into their voice when they share that they are pregnant, or they know someone that is pregnant, or the wariness to invite me to a baby shower, like I might try to rip the baby from the mom-to-be’s womb or break out in hysterical crying and run out from the room. Some-days I appreciate the caution, the sensitivity is sweet and thoughtful. Other days I want to not-so-politely remind them that it’s okay to be happy and celebrate the joy of them having a child. (Granted, complain too much about your pregnancy and I will give you the “At least you are pregnant, be thankful for that.” line with a stoic look on my face.) Most of the time, talking about babies for me isn’t painful. I believe its by God’s grace that I can truly rejoice in the pregnancies of others and wait in hope that one day, our child will come. And man, when that day comes, you better believe we will be rejoicing in the joy of having the child that was so clearly chosen for our family.
Throughout this blog, I will share more of our story – but for those new to our journey, I have been diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic ovary syndrome) which prevents me from ovulating. My ovaries are filled with tons of little cysts that result in a funky hormone balance. Josh and I have wanted to start a family for a few years, have gone through fun pills and treatments like Provera, Clomid, Estrace, Progesterone, Metformin, etc, … many ultrasounds, a lot of blood work, enough ovulation predictor kits to fully keep Target in the black for a good year, negative pregnant test after negative pregnancy test, an HSG, a few other assessments and procedures – and at the end of the day, still nothing! We just teamed up with a fabulous new doctor with the Center for Reproductive Medicine and are excited to try 1-2 months of a new “cocktail” before moving onto IVF this summer. While the story above is part of our path to having a child, it does not define me/us. In fact, I feel blessed to be given this opportunity to trust God, pray nightly with my husband for our future child, and, as James 1:2 says, be joyful in this trial, knowing it produces maturity, steadfastness, and faith. (“Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.” James 1:2-4 MSG)
The intentions of this blog is to share the highs and lows. To celebrate the incredible supportive people in our life. To shamelessly solicit prayers. To give you an insight into our life. To be transparent. Wow, that’s not an easy thing to do. And to do it publicly on a blog? I don’t know why, but I truly feel that this is the next step God has called me to do. Maybe its relating to you and something you are going through, or someone you know. Or maybe its just to broaden your understanding of what it’s like to be “me”.
Whenever I am down, or having a pity party (which does happen and it typically involves potato chips or cookie dough, and a sad song like “How Can You Mend a Broken Heart” by Al Green), it amazes me at how God quietly (or loudly) whispers that it’s under control. The random verses being read on Christian radio between songs, like “He gives childless couples a family, gives them joy as the parents of children. Hallelujah! (Psalm 113:9 MSG) or a story shared at church with references to those struggling with infertility. What a great God we serve, that He can show Himself anywhere, and that He DOES.
Thanks for reading, joining with us, praying, and putting up with my scattered thoughts and grammatical errors. Stay tuned for tomorrow’s entry … “What NOT to Say to Someone Struggling with Having a Child.” : )