Back in March of this year, I shared with you two verses God led me to claim during this cycle. These verses have echoed in my heart, mind, and mouth over and over and over again over these last 7+ months:

I sit here absolutely overwhelmed to share this news with you today … He has answered our prayers for a family, as specifically as giving us children. Yes, you read that right, we are PREGNANT … with TWINS!

I am overcome with emotion writing that. Here I sit today, 6.5 weeks pregnant, having seen both babies heart beats flickering away at 112 bpm, and I simply weep with praises for His faithfulness to answer prayers that we have prayed for nearly a decade. Not to us, but to Him be the glory!

And as joyful as the news makes us, we also want to pause with sensitivity, because we know there are so many of you today still suffering and waiting for your miracle. And friends, our hearts grieve with yours. We know all too well what it’s like to sit on your side of the computer screen today, wondering when it will be your turn, and I wish I had the words to comfort you today. This journey has taught me to find and fight for the best doctor and believe, above all else, that with God, NOTHING is impossible. Believe that, my friends. I have no idea why our prayers have been answered this time, but I know that it was not a mistake, and your timing won’t be a mistake either. Fight on, Hope on, Keep going. He is faithful in all things, even when we don’t understand His ways. Your hardship will not go to waste. He can be trusted. Truly, all things are possible.

We know we still have a long journey ahead of us but we just have to pause to celebrate HIS GOODNESS today. These babies are MIRACLES! We are in constant prayer for their little lives. We pray for their hearts to stay strong, their bodies to form perfectly, their home to stay healthy and their God to watch over them until bringing them to this earth full-term. I have had a small complication with a subchorionic hemorrhage (SCH) which has caused some scary bleeding, but our God is SO much bigger than that! For the time being, I am on low-key bed rest but you better believe I will gladly do anything it takes to keep these babies healthy! Bring on the Netflix and baby-chill!

I have so much more to share in the days and weeks to come. Stories of how we told our families and friends, the day we found out ourselves, the journey we went on with betas, and so much more. But today, today we simply celebrate! Today we shout for joy!!! Today, I AM PREGNANT. Today, we have seen the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. (Psalm 27:13) Today we thank you for your unending prayers, support, encouragement, love, kindness, and patience. The peace we have felt through this all is a significant testament to the power of prayer, one unlike any other I have experienced before. Truly, we have been surrounded by an army and it’s the most humbling and surreal gift.

Thank you Jesus.

PS – A gigantic thank you to my amazing bestie Jana for capturing these photos for us! We can’t thank you enough!

October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and specifically, October 15^th,  is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. In honor of this special month that means so much to me, I want to dedicate this post to Share’s Walk of Remembrance and the Wave of Light. It’s so important to remind everyone suffering, silently or loudly, that you are not alone. In fact, there’s a whole group of bloggers who are participating in this special month, so please check out the full list of the blog tour on Ever Upward.

Losing a pregnancy or infant changes you. The grief can create a world of darkness around you. All encompassing. Swirling questions, feelings of hopelessness, making it difficult to see out of. If you have walked in these shoes of grief before, I am so incredibly sorry. There are no words to explain the pain and sorrow involved if you haven’t walked the path. (for more on my thoughts on the days following a miscarriage, click here) We have been there too, and our hearts ache along side of you.

While grief brings darkness, light on the other hand offers hope. Sight. A glimpse of what’s ahead. It is powerful and it breaks through the darkness, just enough to remind you what it’s like outside the darkness.

One of my favorite things about Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day (October 15^th) is the Wave of Light. It takes a community to create this wave – those who are grieving and those who are supporting those who are grieving – and it remembers the too-short lives of lost babies and infants. It offers support and compassion in helping to break the darkness of grief that surrounds moms and dads, whose arms are empty.

You have the chance to offer light, to offer hope, to share in the compassion-giving and remind grieving families there is light outside of the darkness.

On October 15^th from 7:00 pm – 8:00 pm, in all time zones across the world, you can light a candle to remember the babies who have been lost from miscarriages, ectopic and molar pregnancies, born stillborn or lost to infant death. Because of the time zone differences, the lighting of these candles creates a “wave of light” across the world. It’s a beautiful, moving, and touching tribute to the families who have suffered. It’s not an image that will likely ever be seen, but if you are home on the 15th, even if it’s not at 7 pm, I ask you to light a candle for those who have lost their precious babies.

As these candles burn brightly, they offer a flame, a fire, the chance to light another fire and to bring more light into a dark and hopeless world of grief.

Support is like that. It offers light into a world of grief. It remembers. It gives hope that light is coming. It helps suffering families realize it’s possible to see. And while this Wave of Light offers a visible light and memory, we as believers also have the light of Jesus to cling to in seasons of darkness.

Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12 (ESV)

He is our true light – our candle in the darkness – the one who helps us see, gives us hope, brightens our circumstances and soul.

To those who are grieving or have suffered a loss – we see you and we remember. Each life, no matter how short, was meaningful and special. It doesn’t matter if it was 1 year, 10 months, 10 weeks, or 3 days.

Now, to our own precious babies lost, oh darlings, I love you and remember you always. I will never forget those days when I knew I was carrying your little lives inside of me. Rarely does a day go by when I don’t think about you. I still have the onsies me and your dad picked out for you. I imagine what it would have been like to be your mama, to raise you to love Jesus and be nice to your sister Cali. Sometimes when I hear a child’s giggle, I try to imagine what your laughs might have sounded like. Would you have been logical and level headed like your daddy? Would you have been emotional and talkative like your mommy? I wish I knew all these answers, and while I don’t, I know you get to spend every single day with your Maker and Father who loves you even more than we do. (Hard to imagine!) So precious babies, know my momma heart is with you. You are never forgotten and the short lives you had are treasured. I can’t wait for the day our family is reunited in heaven and we can gather you in our arms. We love you.

So I ask you friends, light a candle on Saturday night, even and especially if you have not lost a baby. The support and opportunity to spread love and care means more than you will ever know. I’d love to see any pictures you take of your candle burning – feel free to email them to me at trialsbringjoy (at) gmail (dot) com. Or share your photos to social media using #WaveofLight and #pregnancyandinfantlossawareness. In my experience, this demonstration of support offers hope to women who likely have never shared their loss, but grieve just the same.

This month is a beautiful month of remembrance and I am so thankful it exists.

To continue on the blog tour, check out Jennifer’s blog post from last week and then continue on the tour with Brooke’s blog post tomorrow.

Hi friends!

Wow! We have sure felt the love and support flooding our hearts over this past week. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for the prayers, encouragement, and hope you have held out to us during this exciting and emotional time.

First of all, no, we don’t know anything yet! (I promise! I can’t do at home tests any more … too much PTSD.) But as the days approach in which we do find something out, I want to gently ask for some privacy. Yes, I know, we have invited you all into this journey with us with hugely open arms and are so grateful that we have. However, we do ask that you allow us to keep test results private until we are ready to reveal them. While we hope for good news, we have no idea which direction this cycle will lead us, and so we hope that you give us some time and space to find out, process them and keep them between us (just for now of course!).

The thing is, we have been here before. We have gotten the call and heard good news and bad news. Both are overwhelming. The idea of a ‘good news call’ is laced with some fear in our minds, fear that the bad news call will come in the days following. The bad news calls, well, is laced with its own sets of tears and questions. All of the emotions ahead for us will be intense and difficult to share with others right away. So please, allow us time to process without pressing us for news. We know you are anxiously excited too! :) If the news is positive, we still have many hurdles to jump through to feel confident to allow others to celebrate with us. If the news is negative, we need to cry our tears first before we gather around those hurting for us as well.

All of this to say, the news will come and as soon as we are ready, you will know! It’s so important to us to make sure our families are the first to know though, and even sharing with them will take time, as the blood level tests take time and help determine initial viability. Every time you wonder if we know yet, take it as a sign to say a prayer for us. J

Also, can I politely ask you to refrain from the “How are you feeling!?!” and “Any news yet!?!” questions for a bit as we continue to march forward? Keep the prayers rolling in, as we will need them regardless of what’s ahead. I’m doing my very best to remain confident in God’s timing and abilities, but if I am being honest, am scared. I don’t know if I can do this all again. My heart feels weak and I am desperately trying to cling to His Word, strength and truth. So your prayers, well, they mean so much.

Thank you for your support and understanding, we are incredibly grateful for you all.

With love,

Josh and Chelsea