I’m always grateful for the chance to write over at EmpowHER. This week I’m sharing 7 things you can say to help a friend who is struggling with infertility. Pop on over and give it a read!

This is certainly not a complete list and there are always different seasons a friend may be going through where other words of encouragement may be applicable. But I would love to hear from you! Comment below and let me know what someone has said that has helped you, or what you wish someone would say. Let’s keep the conversation going, as education is a key part of support in this journey!

Click here to read ‘7 Things Women Struggling with Infertility Wish You Would Say’.

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PS – A brief update! I am now 10 weeks pregnant, with my SCH reducing in size considerably! Praise the LORD! Both babies are looking strong and healthy. At our last ultrasound on Monday, we got to see both of them moving around and squirming! Baby B started the dance moves and our nurse practitioner said he/she woke Baby A who started dancing away too. It was beyond precious to see and I think for both Josh and I, made everything feel a little more real! PRAISE GOD!

We truly are in awe of His miracles. In the last 9 years, we hoped and prayed persistently for this day and this season, but at times, it was tough to believe it would ever really be here. I pray so much that our story brings HOPE to the hearts of those hurting and wondering if their day will ever come. Friends, we understand. And I pray that you are comforted tonight, in whatever season you are in, to know that He does see and hear your cries and requests. I wish I understood His timing more and could hand out Fast Passes to each of you aching. But please, be encouraged to know you are never alone and this tough, grueling road is not in vain. Press on dear sisters. I am praying for you each day.

Romans 12:15 has been on my heart constantly these last weeks: “Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep.” Thank you all for rejoicing with us and know that we are joining you with empathy and weeping in your days of hurting too. I am grateful to know we serve a God who is capable of gathering us in His arms in both the days of rejoicing and the days of weeping.

With love,

Chelsea

It’s hard to believe I am already over 8 weeks pregnant! Babies and Mama are both still doing great. Here’s a brief recap of our last month!

October 5^th – Beta (Results) day: I did not test before my lab appointment, and truly did not think I was pregnant. I felt too darn good. I talked with the nurses about what the timeline would be like for starting another cycle then headed off to join the crazy Gilmore Girls fans to wait in line for 2.5+ hours to grab coffee at “Luke’s”. The call came in and I sent it to voicemail. I was perfectly happy being in my little not-knowing bubble. While I got a cup of coffee,  I didn’t drink it just in case, but was fairly confident this cycle was a big fat negative (BFN).

When Josh got home from work that night we finally sat down at the kitchen table, said a prayer, put the voicemail on speaker and listened. As soon as I heard our doctors voice, I began to smile, as it was so excited. Our first beta came back at 164 and they wanted to see it above 50. I think Josh and I were both in shock. We just sat there grinning at each other, finally hugging, then praying, then laughing. It was absolutely surreal, yet we had this call before and were cautiously hopeful.

October 7^th – Repeat Beta day: Now we needed to wait and make sure our beta levels were increasing. Clinics ideally want to see numbers double in 48 hours, although the acceptable doubling time range is 48 – 72 hours. We nervously waited for our call, and when it came in, she shared our numbers went up but didn’t quite double. It was at a 60 hour doubling rate, having gone up 85% in the last 48 hours. While this news was still good, it wasn’t the solid doubling time we hoped for to feel a bit safer. We were asked to come back on the 9^th.

October 9^th – Repeat Beta day: Same results, different day. 60 hour doubling rate, having gone up 85% in the last 48 hours. She was still very positive and hopeful, going up is great and it was well within range. But I do have to say, Josh and I were a little nervous. We were asked to give it 4 more days and come back on the 13^th.

October 13^th – Repeat Beta day (and surprise ultrasound): I woke up early to go in for my lab work and didn’t feel great. I started having some sharp and random cramping on one side of my ovaries that took my breath away and began coming pretty consistently. I drove to the clinic slightly hunched over and worried. Could this be an ectopic pregnancy?

I talked to our nurse right away who confirmed this pain sounded suspiciously similar to an ectopic pregnancy. She asked questions about whether I had eaten this morning and such, then got my lab work drawn and went to grab the doctor. Within minutes I had a great team of physicians and practitioners standing around me on an ultrasound table, trying to determine if an embryo implanted outside of my uterus. While Josh was at work waiting to hear if I would need to be rushed to surgery, I was on the table praying. No one at this point knew we were pregnant and I was so worried about how this might end.

The doctor warned me that at exactly 5 weeks + 1 day, it was unlikely we would be able to see anything but fluid, however once she started looking, she quickly found a sac in my uterus – with a fetal pole and yolk sac! There were tears (me) and shrieks (them) as they oohhhed and ahhhhed about how great this baby looked. I was completely floored, the only time I had seen a sac on the screen was our second pregnancy and the sac was empty. This was a surreal moment and I wished so badly Josh could be there.

But the joy quickly turned to continued investigation to find out where the second embryo had implanted, if it had. After checking my tubes and ovaries, and seeing nothing, they went back to my utereus where …. Baby #2 was! Cue my messy tears at this moment! (I will forever be grateful for the kindness of the OB Intern who grabbed me Kleenex and squeezed my hand.) Baby B also looked great, showing a yolk sac and a fetal pole – both awesome signs of development, especially that early. They chalked the pain up to a growing uterus and possibly some pressure on my ovaries on my many cysts. But, I left that lab appointment that day with some BIG news – we were having TWINS!

I raced to my car to call Josh who was awaiting a call, anticipating bad news and instead, I got to share the joyous news with him! It was an unbelievably surreal phone call. PRAISE GOD!

(Oh and my lab work came back this day showing a skyrocketed beta number, number doubling in only 40 hours, even better than the optimal 48 hours. Babies were showing off at this point!).

October 15^th – sharing the news with our families: At this point, no one knew anything. We hadn’t said a word and our families were respecting our request for privacy.  But now with our beta levels at a comfortable level and our TWIN ultrasound in hand, we started popping in and surprising our families. It took a lot of sneaky coordination, especially since they were likely already suspicious, but with some good fibbing, we caught them all off guard! YAY!

(And yes, to those wondering, this PSL was indeed a PSC (Pumpkin spice crème – sans espresso since decaf is a no-no for me still).

I will have to share these stories in a more detailed blog later on, but telling my parents + sister, Josh’s parents, Josh’s brother, sister-in-law and kiddos, and Josh’s grandma in person was THE BEST. We were able to Skype surprise my grandparents and aunt and uncle and cousins back in Illinois that day as well and it was so much fun! These precious memories will stay burned in my brain forever!!

October 19^th – the great bleed: I started feeling tired very quickly, although that was my only pregnancy symptom. I spent the majority of the day in bed, napping on and off. Around dinner time, we decided that instead of making dinner, we would go out and grab a bite to eat. Around 4, I started to get ready, showering, then laid down in bed for a minute. Suddenly I felt this big gush and it felt like I wet myself. I looked down to see so much blood. I quickly called Josh and told him to come home from work, then ran to the bathroom, getting blood everywhere and was terrified. I quickly called our after-hour clinic phone and left a voicemail, which said they would call back in the next hour. The specific details of the bleeding is too much to go into, but it was awful and scary and I thought for sure we lost the babies. The only comfort I had was that I had no pain or cramping, both of which had occurred while bleeding in my past miscarriages. The blood was so heavy and red and horrible. We weren’t sure if we should go to the ER, as there would be nothing they could really do at this point. We waited for the nurse to call us back. After many questions and triaging, we decided to wait this out at home and see if it got heavier or if cramping would start. I began chugging water and lying on my left side, checking in with the nurse throughout the night. Our doctor took the phone after 9 and was on-call, ready to meet us at an ER if anything should change. Finally around 10, the bleeding seemed to be slowing down a bit. As traumatic as this night was, I truly felt like God was circling us and providing us peace that whatever happened, we would be okay. We didn’t tell anyone, as talking about it seemed too real and we didn’t want anyone else to worry. We knew people were praying for us going into our heartbeat ultrasound the next day so we prayed and prayed and prayed.

This verse played in my head on repeat: Psalm 112:7 “They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the LORD.”

October 20^th – heartbeat appointment: The next day, my bleeding had nearly tapered off, which was a relief. Josh was incredibly optimistic going into our heartbeat appointment (in his words a “8 ½ out of 10” while I was about a 2.) As I laid on the table, I closed my eyes and waited. And within the next 5 seconds we heard her say she saw our two great looking babies with heartbeats! PRAISE THE LORD! We got to see the heartbeats waves this time, not quite yet hearing them, but seeing those precious waves were amazing.

Our measurements looked perfect and the babies hearts were both right at 112 bpm. We cried and sighed tears of relief. They then showed me the bleeding was caused from a subchorionic hemorrhage (SCH) located in my uterus, right between the two babies. While this only happens in about 1% of all pregnancies, it is more common in IVF pregnancies, occurring in about 50% of cases. Our doctor and team felt hopeful that with bed rest and care, this SCH could heal itself without causing harm to the babies. We simply need it to get smaller, not bigger. There is a slight increased chance of miscarriage with an SCH (3-4%). The risk comes that if it grows, it can cause the placenta to pull away from the uterine wall and bleed out everything in the uterus. Guess what? We are claiming victory that this will not be our story! So bed rest it is. Our doctor warned us that this gushing bleeding moment might happen again so to be prepared.

October 24^th  – ultrasound appointment: After a full weekend of bedrest (think bed -> bathroom -> bed), we went back in to see if the SCH has changed in size at all. It did. It went from being more round in shape to more oval, shortening up its height but growing slightly in width. We were told to continue bed rest and come back in a week. During this appointment we got to HEAR both babies heartbeats! Praise GOD!

October 30^th – gender reveal: Thanks to the technologies of IVF, we were able to find out the genders of our babies early! Our clinic did not know the genders prior to transfer and we were all so excited to find out! We gathered our family and a few close friends together for a great reveal! It was so nice to be around PEOPLE after being on bed rest for nearly 2 weeks, haha! While I was on my feet just a short time, we got to pop our balloons and share the news …. A BOY AND A GIRL!

October 31^st – ultrasound appointment: After another week of bed rest, we went back and saw our growing little babies! They were both the size of blueberries, measuring over a half inch, with heartbeats in the 150’s. They are starting to look more and more like babies already, and only at 7 ½ weeks! Our hearts are so full.

The bleed remained the same size – not growing, praise God! I am continuing on bed rest. Thankfully I have had no more gushing-bleeding episodes since the 19^th. However, I have spotted a bit but it’s been a great comfort knowing the why and hasn’t created any fear in my heart. As crazy as it sounds, this SCH has almost been a blessing to my scared, post-miscarriage heart. I have always associated bleeding with miscarriage, but now the source of my bleeding has this pesky like name – SCH – and it’s not as scary. God seems to really know us so personally. I no longer fear going to the bathroom in the same way I have in past pregnancies.

So now, here I sit today, 8 1/2 weeks pregnant (I graduate weeks on Wednesday) and feeling very bloated and tired, but otherwise incredibly content and happy. We have been blessed with some great friends and family who have stepped up to help us during bed rest – bringing meals, running errands, planning our gender reveal party, and such. The impact this community around me has had on our hearts can’t be expressed in words. We are SO grateful.

We still have a long ways to go but we feel such peace. Peace that God is with us, peace that these are our babies, peace that He hears prayers, sees hearts, and knows us intimately. Peace that He is greater than uterine bleeds and lab results. He is GOD.

Our next appointment is Monday and we would love your continued prayers, especially for healing for the SCH and continued development of the babies.

This blog will still remain and I promise it won’t be all about pregnancy. I’ll continue to share my favorite things, what I am learning, stories and such. Bump or no bump, I am still me and here to walk these roads of life with you. :)

Back in March of this year, I shared with you two verses God led me to claim during this cycle. These verses have echoed in my heart, mind, and mouth over and over and over again over these last 7+ months:

I sit here absolutely overwhelmed to share this news with you today … He has answered our prayers for a family, as specifically as giving us children. Yes, you read that right, we are PREGNANT … with TWINS!

I am overcome with emotion writing that. Here I sit today, 6.5 weeks pregnant, having seen both babies heart beats flickering away at 112 bpm, and I simply weep with praises for His faithfulness to answer prayers that we have prayed for nearly a decade. Not to us, but to Him be the glory!

And as joyful as the news makes us, we also want to pause with sensitivity, because we know there are so many of you today still suffering and waiting for your miracle. And friends, our hearts grieve with yours. We know all too well what it’s like to sit on your side of the computer screen today, wondering when it will be your turn, and I wish I had the words to comfort you today. This journey has taught me to find and fight for the best doctor and believe, above all else, that with God, NOTHING is impossible. Believe that, my friends. I have no idea why our prayers have been answered this time, but I know that it was not a mistake, and your timing won’t be a mistake either. Fight on, Hope on, Keep going. He is faithful in all things, even when we don’t understand His ways. Your hardship will not go to waste. He can be trusted. Truly, all things are possible.

We know we still have a long journey ahead of us but we just have to pause to celebrate HIS GOODNESS today. These babies are MIRACLES! We are in constant prayer for their little lives. We pray for their hearts to stay strong, their bodies to form perfectly, their home to stay healthy and their God to watch over them until bringing them to this earth full-term. I have had a small complication with a subchorionic hemorrhage (SCH) which has caused some scary bleeding, but our God is SO much bigger than that! For the time being, I am on low-key bed rest but you better believe I will gladly do anything it takes to keep these babies healthy! Bring on the Netflix and baby-chill!

I have so much more to share in the days and weeks to come. Stories of how we told our families and friends, the day we found out ourselves, the journey we went on with betas, and so much more. But today, today we simply celebrate! Today we shout for joy!!! Today, I AM PREGNANT. Today, we have seen the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. (Psalm 27:13) Today we thank you for your unending prayers, support, encouragement, love, kindness, and patience. The peace we have felt through this all is a significant testament to the power of prayer, one unlike any other I have experienced before. Truly, we have been surrounded by an army and it’s the most humbling and surreal gift.

Thank you Jesus.

PS – A gigantic thank you to my amazing bestie Jana for capturing these photos for us! We can’t thank you enough!

October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and specifically, October 15^th,  is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. In honor of this special month that means so much to me, I want to dedicate this post to Share’s Walk of Remembrance and the Wave of Light. It’s so important to remind everyone suffering, silently or loudly, that you are not alone. In fact, there’s a whole group of bloggers who are participating in this special month, so please check out the full list of the blog tour on Ever Upward.

Losing a pregnancy or infant changes you. The grief can create a world of darkness around you. All encompassing. Swirling questions, feelings of hopelessness, making it difficult to see out of. If you have walked in these shoes of grief before, I am so incredibly sorry. There are no words to explain the pain and sorrow involved if you haven’t walked the path. (for more on my thoughts on the days following a miscarriage, click here) We have been there too, and our hearts ache along side of you.

While grief brings darkness, light on the other hand offers hope. Sight. A glimpse of what’s ahead. It is powerful and it breaks through the darkness, just enough to remind you what it’s like outside the darkness.

One of my favorite things about Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day (October 15^th) is the Wave of Light. It takes a community to create this wave – those who are grieving and those who are supporting those who are grieving – and it remembers the too-short lives of lost babies and infants. It offers support and compassion in helping to break the darkness of grief that surrounds moms and dads, whose arms are empty.

You have the chance to offer light, to offer hope, to share in the compassion-giving and remind grieving families there is light outside of the darkness.

On October 15^th from 7:00 pm – 8:00 pm, in all time zones across the world, you can light a candle to remember the babies who have been lost from miscarriages, ectopic and molar pregnancies, born stillborn or lost to infant death. Because of the time zone differences, the lighting of these candles creates a “wave of light” across the world. It’s a beautiful, moving, and touching tribute to the families who have suffered. It’s not an image that will likely ever be seen, but if you are home on the 15th, even if it’s not at 7 pm, I ask you to light a candle for those who have lost their precious babies.

As these candles burn brightly, they offer a flame, a fire, the chance to light another fire and to bring more light into a dark and hopeless world of grief.

Support is like that. It offers light into a world of grief. It remembers. It gives hope that light is coming. It helps suffering families realize it’s possible to see. And while this Wave of Light offers a visible light and memory, we as believers also have the light of Jesus to cling to in seasons of darkness.

Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12 (ESV)

He is our true light – our candle in the darkness – the one who helps us see, gives us hope, brightens our circumstances and soul.

To those who are grieving or have suffered a loss – we see you and we remember. Each life, no matter how short, was meaningful and special. It doesn’t matter if it was 1 year, 10 months, 10 weeks, or 3 days.

Now, to our own precious babies lost, oh darlings, I love you and remember you always. I will never forget those days when I knew I was carrying your little lives inside of me. Rarely does a day go by when I don’t think about you. I still have the onsies me and your dad picked out for you. I imagine what it would have been like to be your mama, to raise you to love Jesus and be nice to your sister Cali. Sometimes when I hear a child’s giggle, I try to imagine what your laughs might have sounded like. Would you have been logical and level headed like your daddy? Would you have been emotional and talkative like your mommy? I wish I knew all these answers, and while I don’t, I know you get to spend every single day with your Maker and Father who loves you even more than we do. (Hard to imagine!) So precious babies, know my momma heart is with you. You are never forgotten and the short lives you had are treasured. I can’t wait for the day our family is reunited in heaven and we can gather you in our arms. We love you.

So I ask you friends, light a candle on Saturday night, even and especially if you have not lost a baby. The support and opportunity to spread love and care means more than you will ever know. I’d love to see any pictures you take of your candle burning – feel free to email them to me at trialsbringjoy (at) gmail (dot) com. Or share your photos to social media using #WaveofLight and #pregnancyandinfantlossawareness. In my experience, this demonstration of support offers hope to women who likely have never shared their loss, but grieve just the same.

This month is a beautiful month of remembrance and I am so thankful it exists.

To continue on the blog tour, check out Jennifer’s blog post from last week and then continue on the tour with Brooke’s blog post tomorrow.

Hi friends!

Wow! We have sure felt the love and support flooding our hearts over this past week. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for the prayers, encouragement, and hope you have held out to us during this exciting and emotional time.

First of all, no, we don’t know anything yet! (I promise! I can’t do at home tests any more … too much PTSD.) But as the days approach in which we do find something out, I want to gently ask for some privacy. Yes, I know, we have invited you all into this journey with us with hugely open arms and are so grateful that we have. However, we do ask that you allow us to keep test results private until we are ready to reveal them. While we hope for good news, we have no idea which direction this cycle will lead us, and so we hope that you give us some time and space to find out, process them and keep them between us (just for now of course!).

The thing is, we have been here before. We have gotten the call and heard good news and bad news. Both are overwhelming. The idea of a ‘good news call’ is laced with some fear in our minds, fear that the bad news call will come in the days following. The bad news calls, well, is laced with its own sets of tears and questions. All of the emotions ahead for us will be intense and difficult to share with others right away. So please, allow us time to process without pressing us for news. We know you are anxiously excited too! :) If the news is positive, we still have many hurdles to jump through to feel confident to allow others to celebrate with us. If the news is negative, we need to cry our tears first before we gather around those hurting for us as well.

All of this to say, the news will come and as soon as we are ready, you will know! It’s so important to us to make sure our families are the first to know though, and even sharing with them will take time, as the blood level tests take time and help determine initial viability. Every time you wonder if we know yet, take it as a sign to say a prayer for us. J

Also, can I politely ask you to refrain from the “How are you feeling!?!” and “Any news yet!?!” questions for a bit as we continue to march forward? Keep the prayers rolling in, as we will need them regardless of what’s ahead. I’m doing my very best to remain confident in God’s timing and abilities, but if I am being honest, am scared. I don’t know if I can do this all again. My heart feels weak and I am desperately trying to cling to His Word, strength and truth. So your prayers, well, they mean so much.

Thank you for your support and understanding, we are incredibly grateful for you all.

With love,

Josh and Chelsea

Our first family picture!  (Minus Cali who was too busy burying her bone to join us. Rude. Ha!) We are SO HAPPY to share that everything went wonderfully today! PRAISE GOD! I’m now officially a PUPO. (Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise)
It’s been 1,075 days since our last transfer and to say my emotions were high would be an understatement. (I’m so thankful for Josh’s calm and positive spirit!) We felt your prayers surrounding us in volumes and the transfer was smooth and a surreal, God-given moment. Our 2 babies thawed perfectly, in fact the embryo that looks like 2, is actually just 1, just incredibly advanced and fully hatching out of its shell and ready to snuggle in! I’m now back home on strict bedrest for the next few days. We’re praying 1 or 2 of these peanuts get cozy and implant for the next 40 weeks! 

Thank you to everyone who reached out or were praying for us today. It was incredibly emotional, in the best way, to see how God has provided us with such a incredible community to carry us through and celebrate such an exciting day with us. We feel so loved! (Responding at the moment is emotional and I have to slow down the overwhelmed tears! Please forgive me if I don’t reply right away. Each one means sooo much.)

We are trusting God in whatever lies ahead and know He is standing right next to us. These days ahead are long and we continue to ask for prayers for peace, hope, trust, and comfort for our spirits. We believe in the God who does the impossible! 💛

Lots of love,

Josh and Chelsea 

“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭15:13‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Guess whhhaaattttttt!?!?!

Remember that new protocol I am on? The one CCRM – Minneapolis cleverly concocted based on our past cycles and their brilliancy? Well, I am THRILLED to share that its working wonderfully. So wonderfully in fact, that our transfer date has been moved up!

YES!!!

So that October 3^rd date that has been burned into your brain? Erase that. Update your calendars my friends …. Our new date is …

THIS MONDAY! YES! September 26^th!

Whoa baby! (Or babies!)

We got the call this afternoon that everything is looking perfect and things are being escalated because this typically faulty body of mine, is FINALLY doing what it’s supposed to do, ahead of schedule at that!

*CUE THE TROMBONES! PRAISE HANDS!*

Friends, GOD IS JUST SO GOOD! Despite the date change, everything has lined up perfectly, from our acupuncturist working us in to her schedule, to my meds being ordered and ready to change up. These prayers are being answered one by one! Prayers we didn’t even know to lift up. Friends, we can’t thank you enough for your prayers.

So, going into our transfer next week, we would love to share some specific prayer requests with you. We are calling it them TOP FIVE.

1 – that the transportation of our embryos tomorrow (Wednesday – Thursday) would go smoothly. We want these precious babies of ours to arrive safely and will feel incredibly relieved once they are at our clinic.

2 – that the new medications work, as we are adding in new ones starting tomorrow. And specifically, that my lining, estradiol and progesterone will be perfectly where God wants it to be so that pregnancy is possible and sustainable;

3 – that our embryos would thaw perfectly on Monday morning. (We won’t find out their status until we arrive to the clinic.)

4 – that the transfer goes well on Monday, exactly according to God’s will. Our exact transfer time is 11:30 am CST. (If you want to make a quick note of that on your calendar, feel free! J). Also, that the hands of our embryologist, doctor, and nurses would be blessed and allow for the transfer to be as smooth and pain-free as possible. (I will be completely alert during transfer, thanks to a mighty pill called Valium, which relaxes the uterus during transfer but allows me to be present.)

and finally,

5 – that our hearts would be filled with joy, peace, encouragement, hope, and trust as we step into this emotionally overwhelming, but exciting path again. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t anxious about the days to follow post transfer and am praying hard that we can walk away with excitement and hope.

I wrote these words in 2013 and reflect back on them tonight:

I am constantly re-reminded of the words in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NLT) “Always be joyful. Always keep on praying. No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ.” I am sure we can all reflect back on the troubles in life, the hardships and the frustrations. But the words of Christ have never been more true – Always be joyful. It can seem so hard to find that joy sometimes but I learn and experience more and more each day that our joy is not to be rooted in our wants or desires, our successes and our victories. They are simply to be rooted in Him. Joyful always. No particular circumstances required.

I read this quote from a book tonight: “Today we suffer. Today we don’t understand….Someday all the scattered, broken pieces will fall into place, and we will suddenly understand the hand of God has been upon us all the time. All the tragedy – all the darkness – will instantly be swallowed up by triumph. What a perfect ending to our imperfect stories!”

I love that. He wipes every tear from our eyes, He holds us so close. I have to choose to believe that if I knew everything He knew, that I would choose this exact same journey for us. We are more than conquers in Christ Jesus.

Tonight we are thanking Him for His blessings in this cycle so far and are choosing joy for whatever lies ahead. We pray, that this is our time, a time when all the broken pieces fall into place and we see the darkness swallowed up by triumph. Ultimately, He is the one who writes our stories and can I be honest friends? I am so very thankful He is the author and not me. His endings are always better.

If you are looking for a GREAT message on waiting and the timing of answered prayers, specifically wondering why certain doors open and others feel closed, I encourage you to listen to this message our pastor gave last weekend. My heart was incredibly encouraged by the reminder that God is a BIG PICTURE God. We look in front and all we see is the traffic jam, but God has the helicopter watching over the city, seeing it all. We can trust Him. (I am preaching to myself here because, boy, the nerves are there!)

https://vimeo.com/183152377

We are so blessed to call you our friends and supporters. He has placed you in our lives for a reason and we are ever so thankful for that! I will do my best to keep you posted in the coming days!!

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PS –

1) Despite the change in dates, I am still heading to San Francisco on Thursday for the FertilityIQ Basecamp! If you haven’t read up on it yet, click here to do so! I have to say – the agenda is PHENOMENAL! A few trip highlights ahead:

• Talking about what you’ve shared for what you would like to see more support with, specifically affordability, finding support groups and getting reliable information.
• Meeting with and touring Instagram to discuss building online communities. (Shout out to my TTC Sisters!!!! Whoop whoop!)
• Meeting with Stanford Medicine, a top RE and Urologist, to look at and discuss the GREAT topics you have asked about, like unexplained infertility, technology progression, lifestyle and BMI, recurrent pregnancy loss, male factor infertility, PCOS and endometriosis.
• Meeting with a RESOLVE Support Group therapist to talk about how infertility affects couples and how you can be supported in the challenges.
• Meeting with Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine to learn about saving money when getting ready for and going through treatment (YES!).
• How to navigate 3rd party reproduction with the founder of Donor Concierge.

and then …

• Working on getting ALL this information back out to you – to offer you support, knowledge and insight!

Want to follow along? Keep an eye on my Instagram page @chels819 for updates and info about some fun Facebook Live activities and also, choosing a $150 Amazon gift card winner based on the survey you filled out! (Not yet entered? Click here to do so!)

2) The TTC Mug Exchange closes at 11:59 CST TONIGHT. (No late entries allowed). I wasn’t planning on doing this during my transfer week so I am going to work HARD to get as much ready as possible. I am hoping the timeline still will fall as planned on when you will receive your partners (9/28). If it doesn’t, I will let you know immediately!

Scratch, scratch, scratch.

I looked up from my book to see Cali standing at the back patio door, begging to go outside to watch for squirrels, her usual daily activity. I grabbed my book and walked over to the patio door, opening it and watching her dart down the stairs, ready to cozy herself into the blades of the grass and snoop. As I walked over to the top of the stairs to sit, I realized my feet were wet.

“Did it rained?”  I asked myself.

It was then I realized it was raining, so lightly, so mist-like, that I didn’t even realize it. I stood there for a while, watching Cali scout out which squirrels to keep an eye on, realizing with a towel, I could stay out there too, as that mist was that gentle.

A few minutes in, I realized while I could handle the gentle mist, my book pages could not, and so I called Cali back to the top of the steps and ducked inside my house door to watch her from within.

It was then I realized how quiet it was.

It was if the world had turned off its noise. The birds, who usually sing and chirp and call loudly in the field and forest next to our house, were silent. The normally noisy neighborhood filled with children’s laughter and parents calling out, were gone. There were no sounds of lawn mowers running, bonfires crackling, car horns blaring or airplanes flying overhead. It was if the whole world came to a halt, all because of this mist.

I sat there, inside my house, observing how wet everything was getting, even though the mist was so fine. I was awe struck at the silence, the beauty of the quiet. The air was still. I couldn’t help but feel God in that moment.

It reminded me of 1 Kings 19:11-12:

“Go out and stand before me on the mountain,” the Lord told him. And as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper.”

If you are anything like me, sometimes you look for God in the big places. We expect Him to be loud and forceful, shouting at us what to do next or shaking us so greatly we simply know. But that moment profoundly reminded me of the gift, the importance, the peacefulness of silence and stillness. And how, when things are quiet, our souls tend to notice more. The sounds of nature began to pick up as the mist died down, and I noticed the deep ribbeting of the frogs start first. Then there was a brave bird, who popped out of the bird house in our yard and made the first call out to his friends. I noticed the squirrels began to kuk and soon over it all, I heard a voice begin to perform sporadic, loud, beautiful, African tribal calls. I had no idea what neighbor it was, someone calling out from inside an open window, but paired with the gentle silence, the voice, the sound, the abstractness to my ears, it paired so well with the world around me.

So often, I think we walk into our day and we simply hear noise. The world throws so much at us, blending together phone calls, text notifications, car horns, chatter, phones ringing, minds running, radios playing, tv’s turning on, birds chirping, coffee brewing, dogs barking …. And we simply become accustom to trying to do life over the noise. We cry out for answers to God –

Should we list our house?

What school should we send out kids to?

Are we supposed to be considering adoption?

Do I take this promotion knowing it will be more hours away from home?

Is it time to start volunteering?

Should I marry him?

What do we do if this next fertility treatment doesn’t work?

And then, because we have so much noise in our life, we can’t find His voice. We assume He isn’t willing to get involved or nudge us. Maybe we aren’t spiritual enough. And so we live in a world with a conflicted spirit, searching for guidance, desiring to hear Him, but we get nothing.

Ah, sweet sister, we have forgotten about the value of stillness. Silence. Stripping away all the other noises in our hearts and lives so that we can hear the sound of His gentle whisper. It may take some work, but our God is SO ready to respond. We have just desensitized our souls so much to His nudging that we have forgotten what silence is like.

That misty, rainy Monday reminded me so much. It was a gift.

In Shauna Niequist’s new book Present Over Perfect, she says “He has all the time in the world to sit with me and sift through my fears and feelings and failings. That’s what prayer is. That’s what love is … He is love itself, grace embodied, holding the fullness of who we are – strong, weak, good, bad, wild, fearful, brave, silly – in his hands. He can be trusted with every part of it, the silly and the enormous.”

I want to encourage you today to find some silence. It’s hard in this swirling world. But make the time. Perhaps it’s as simple as driving with your radio off. You don’t even need to pray or think. Just get comfortable with the silence – the buzzing of the cars next to you, the occasional horn honk, the squeal of your breaks. Tune out the big stuff and quiet your soul.

“This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In returning to me and resting in me will you be saved. In quietness and confidence is your strength….” (Isaiah 30:15)

Breathe deeply. He is there.

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FET Update: YOU GUYS. This is crazy! I shared with you last month that we have a plan and it is well underway! I am thrilled to share that I am officially weaned off of birth control pills, which make me crazy, and have transitioned to Lupron and the full lining-building regime. A mini summary of everything so far:

• My baseline ultrasound went great. Lining is nice and thin and my labs are where they need to be.
• I have lowered my dose of Lupron to 5 units, where it will stay till we approach transfer.
• In addition to the Lupron, medications this cycle include: Metformin, Estrace 2 mg (estrogen), Del Estrogen 5mg injections (more estrogen), Vitamin E (800 IU daily), baby aspirin till transfer – Lovenox injections after, Viagra vaginally 4×25 mg day (this is SO weird for me, but apparently it produces a rapid and profound improvement in uterine blood flow, which in cases of implantation failure in the past, enhances endometrial development – we will see!), Endometrium (vaginal progesterone), and Progesterone in Oil injections. As we approach transfer, we will be adding in steroids like Medrol and Prednisone, Tetracycline (antibiotic), Pepcid and Claritin (antihistamine protocol). Yes, I do have a daily chart with what to take when, since most of these are administered anywhere from 1 – 4 times daily. My brain forcibly needs to stick to this schedule!
• What all this medicine is doing: Essentially we need to shut down my ovaries from producing any eggs (known as suppression) while making my uterus think I am producing eggs so that it’s thickens my lining for possible embryo implantation. All these meds work hand in hand to put my body in an immediate menopausal mode (no eggs), while getting my uterus ready for our babes. (Hence the immense amount of progesterone and estrogen). The other medications treat my Factor V (blood clotting disorder) and the steroids/allergy meds will help me body from rejecting the embryos once transferred. (This is a new protocol for me).
• How I’m feeling: overall okay/good! I started back up at acupuncture since that seems to help with the terrible Lupron headaches. My lethargy has been through the roof, but it seems my body has gotten used to a slightly slower pace and I am learning in this season that rest is a good thing. I’ve slowed down on intense cardio and have been enjoying daily walks with Cali. My ovary area is very tender and I feel uncomfortable sitting at times. Basically other than occasional headaches, I am mainly just super tired.
• Diet changes: no caffeine (occasional chocolate still okay right now). Drinking coconut water daily to maintain hydration and electrolytes and drinking 1 cup of Pomegranate juice a day (for lining).
• Our next appointment is on the 20^th to see how my lining is doing. Prayers are always appreciated!
• And lastly, I just need to give one giant THANK YOU for those of you who faithfully and routinely check in on me. It’s incredibly kind and overwhelming to see different people message me each day offering their prayers and seeing how my body is doing adjusting to these new meds. It means more than you know. You demonstrate regularly that you don’t need to be going through infertility to support someone who is. You don’t need the “perfect” words to say in order to say “I care, I am praying.” This means the world to me, so thank you. <3
• As of now, we are still set for a transfer in the next couple of weeks! While our transfer day continues to be calendar set for October 3^rd, my doctor has informed me that as soon as they can see everything is ready, it’s time! So if that day changes at all, you will be among the first to know. :)

 

Thank you for caring as much as you do!

Reminder: Check out this post for a chance to win a $150 Amazon Gift card! #FertilityIQBasecamp

Don’t forget to sign up for the TTC Mug Exchange if you haven’t already! Sign ups close 9/20 and we already have over 500 women signed up! Whoa!

 

The update is in!

For those who have been following our infertility story (Trilogy? Series? Volumes?), you know that thanks to our April egg retrieval with Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine – Minneapolis, we have SEVEN embryos frozen and awaiting their eventual transfers. You’ve been patiently waiting for an update and I am thrilled to share that WE HAVE A PLAN!

That’s right, the date has been penciled in and as of tomorrow, our Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) will officially be underway!

Here’s the deets:

Friday, August 12^th (tomorrow!): Hysteroscopy and endometrial scratch procedures

The hysteroscopy is where the doctor will go into my uterus and make sure everything looks okay for transfer. It’s done with a thin, lighted tube that is inserted to examine the cervix and inside of the uterus. Pretty amazing what technology can do!

The endometrial scratch is a bit more uncomfortable (said with a tense smile). Here my doctor will scratch or “scrape” the inside my uterus. Why? Well, there’s some solid research that suggests that scratching the uterine lining causes the body to go into a “repair mode”. The natural repair process in the weeks to come releases different hormones and chemicals that are said to assist with implantation. Also, the new lining that’s created after it “scabs” is thought to be more receptive to an implanting embryo.

Hey, when you have done all we have done … Scratch away.

(But feel free to send some extra prayers my way tomorrow afternoon during the procedures.)

Friday, August 26^th: Hardcore IVF drugs and injections begin.

Bring on the crazy. Or more crazy. If that’s possible. I don’t know, either way, pray for Josh. ;) I’m on just a few basics right now and it’s been brutal.

September: Drugs, drugs, more drugs, ultrasounds, acupuncture, blood work, drugs, drugs, cupping, drugs.

Oh, and a quick trip to San Francisco for the FertilityIQ Basecamp. (SO PUMPED.) Consider this your reminder to go leave us some question feedback for your chance to win a $150 Amazon giftcard.

ANDDDDDDDD…

*DRUM ROLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL*

Monday, October 3^rd: TRANSFER DATE!

That’s right friends; we will be transferring 2 baby Ritchie’s on Monday, October 3^rd assuming all goes well with my cycle prep. We are SO excited for this to finally be on the calendar and to be taking steps forward to bring our babies home.

So, here are a few ways you can be praying in the weeks to come:

1) For the safe transportation of our embryos from their storage in Florida to Minnesota late September.

2) For all of the preparation that need to go smoothly, from ordering medications to my body’s physical readiness to receive these babes.

3) That the changes we have made to our protocol would be successful and smooth, ultimately leading to success.

(For those wondering, things we are doing differently this FET are: a Del Estrogen FET protocol, the endometrial scratch, and an Antihistamine Protocol prior to transfer, and also, will be treating my Factor V with Lovenox injections post transfer. All of these are modifications made from prior transfers and we feel incredibly positive about them.)

and lastly, and most importantly,

4) That ultimately we would get (and stay) pregnant and that God would be glorified in it all.

So, get excited my friends, this is happening! We can’t wait!!!!!

PS: Thank you all for so many wonderful comments, emails, and messages on my post “messy emotions“. I’m happy to report I have felt your prayers and appreciated your kindness so much. Your responses reminded me of a post I wrote a few years back called “do something“. The simple act of letting someone know you care carries with it such a significant weight. God gave us community for a reason and I am so blessed to be a part of yours. Truly, from the bottom of my heart THANK YOU! I hope to get another good update up SOON, however, you know how summer goes …

In the meantime, we have been enjoying spending time with our grandparents who are in town, watching the Olympics, finishing edits on our In the Wait Leaders Guide, and starting celebrations for my birthday, which is next Friday (the 19th), (you know me, I LOVE a good birthday celebration!). I’m heading to Seattle, WA very soon with my mother-in-law and sister-in-law for a little girls trip which will be fun and relaxing too. (Send any must-do’s our way, particularly good restaurants!) Plus, there’s the Minnesota State Fair which is THE BEST and I have a growing stack of amazing books to dive in to, like Present Over Perfect. (YES!!!!!!!!!!) All in all, this month holds some great things, as does the months to come! YAY! So thanks for patiently sticking with me and praying for us, encouraging my heart and letting us know you care. It means so very much. Love you all!