God continues to remind me to be still before Him and wait (again, the same message…I get it God). “Be still, and know that I am God!” (Psalm 46:10a) God doesn’t tell me to be busy and know that He is God. Or be anxious and know that He is God. Or get all worked up and know that He is God. The message is simple. Be still. “Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to act.” (Psalm 37:7) It’s easy for our souls to be restlessness. And it’s easy for us to make excuses about the lack of time or energy that it takes to be still. Here is what I continue to learn – I don’t have time not to be still.
Next week I get to take a pregnancy test. I feel such peace about whatever the outcome is of that test, truly. I won’t post anything on here for about 2 weeks, simply because whatever the outcome is, I want to be able to share with close family and friends personally (and not in response to a text message) and in our own time. If at the end of next week, I am not pregnant, I am going to be rejoicing in the fact that for the first time in ages, I will be able to start a new cycle without the use of a 10-day hormone pill (Provera) that induces a cycle. I hate those pills and literally break into a big goofy grin when I think about the fact that I don’t have to take them this month. Secondly, if I am pregnant, I want to be able to do my best at sharing that news 1-1 with as many close friends and family as possible (and maybe still leave room for some sort of creative surprise?).
Some people have asked me about the fact that people typically wait 12 weeks before sharing pregnancy news with others and that this blog will likely result in people knowing much much sooner. Here’s the thing – when the time comes that I am pregnant, I am going to need the continued coating of prayers and encouragement as I do now! It is known statistically that the miscarriage rate appears to be higher for women with PCOS and some studies suggest that the rate could be 45% or more. I don’t share this fact to evoke fear because I trust that God is in control, but taking that into consideration, that is no way I can wait 12 weeks before sharing because I will need all the prayers I can get!
Here is the next point I want to STRONGLY emphasize. In the instance that I am not pregnant (and let’s face it my friends, that is very possible – still praying expectantly but thinking logically), I do not want ANYONE to say “I’m sorry” to me. Or try to sympathize or feel bad for me. I am in such an opposite place of that right now. There is nothing wrong with the fact that this may not be our month. It’s not in our control! I won’t feel bad – again, I am just excited at the prospect of starting another month with a medication that works – that is a huge answer to prayers!! “What? I don’t get that.” You might be saying “Of course you feel bad. Of course you want to mourn.” Hey, guess what – I don’t! I have nothing to mourn. I have a God on my side who is working in His timing. Who is in control. Who has everything alllllll figured out already. You being sad for me will only make me feel bad that you feel bad. And we don’t want that.
Think I am weird? I am just blessed with “the peace of God, which transcends all understanding.” (Phil. 4:7a).
Have a great Memorial Day weekend my friends … I will check in here soon – likely in June. Keep the prayers coming! :)