Sometimes its difficult for me to blog when I have SO much going on in my head and want to talk about! I will do my best to be articulate and provide an overview. I apologize for being so delayed on an entry – I promise I won’t let 2.5 weeks lapse again!
Work. I have been amazed at all the support people have given to me/us after announcing the difficult decision to step down from my position. I can’t stress enough how called I feel to make this decision. I don’t fear what happens TO me or what life will look like post-job, because I know God is working IN me. He is preparing me for that unknown. I know that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Rom 8:28). And so this is a giant leap of faith in trusting in His plans. I have about 9 weeks left and I think having an end in sight is probably one of the hardest things! The end of working with this job at this company is very sad for me. But the end of my job also means our next IVF cycle is HERE and that is so exciting. (So sO So sO So exciting! I’m excited, can you tell?) The mixture of emotions, counting down but not, it confusing! So I am trying to take each day for what it is and praying that God reminds me to be in THIS moment today and not fast forwarding through life. I have been trying to be more intentional about seeking what He wants of me in this present moment. (Easier said than done, especially when I have an app reminding me each day of how many days are left till XXX … I enable myself! Eck!)
IVF. There isn’t too much to update here. I have an appointment at the end of the month to do some blood work and tests, and get a prescription for a medication I have to start the first of March. From there it’s really just that med (Provera) and birth control until the cycle starts. (Weird, I know right!). Josh and I will meet with the doctor at the end of March and obtain our new prescription orders, do some more blood panels, sign all the papers and make the final payment. It is only weeks away already which is exciting! (Ok, if you must know, my first shot starts 64 days from today!)
Life. I have been soaking up everything God has for me through sermons, readings, insight… wherever I can get it! I have so many great lessons learned that I am trying to apply each day. Each of these could be a blog in and of itself, but I thought I would just throw down a shmorgishborg of my most recent brain activity. Perhaps one of these thoughts will hit home with something you need to know/be reminded of/can apply:
- We need to remember 4 simple truths: 1) My God is FOR me. 2) My God is WITH me. 3) My God FORGIVES me. 4) My God can do ANYTHING. When we base on life on that, we flourish. It as simple as that – remembering God is for us, not against us. He is always with us, even when it feels like He has gone quiet. He forgives us, immediately, when we repent, and He can do ANYTHING. That doesn’t always means He WILL and even if He doesn’t but our hope needs to live in the fact that He can. (Daniel 3:16-18)
- Living under grace is that life-changing constant awareness of what we’ve been given in light of what we deserve. Being reminded daily of the Grace we have been blessed with takes the focus off of “Me! Me! Me! My wants! My needs!” and makes us life a life glorifying Him, because we don’t deserve any of this.
- The decisions we make today determine the story we tell tomorrow. Direction, not intention, determines our destination. Sometimes the best decision you can make is to go when it would be easier to stay. (Genesis 12:1 – The Lord had said to Abram, “Leave your country, your people and your father’s household and go to the land I will show you.”) It doesn’t make sense for me to GO right now, nor did it make sense for Abram to leave everything He knew to follow where God called Him. And without that step of faith, nothing would be what we know it to be today. (Hebrews 11:8 “By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.”). I wish I knew where I was going! I wish I knew what is ahead. I am confident in knowing that despite whatever outcomes are ahead, that this is still where God is leading.
- (Jesus Calling excerpt) Try saying, “I trust You, Jesus” in response to whatever happens to you. This simple practice will help you to see Me in every situation, acknowledging My sovereign control over the universe. When you view events from this perspective …fear loses its grip on you. Adverse circumstances become growth opportunities when you affirm your trust in Me no matter what. You receive blessings gratefully, realizing they flow directly from My hand of grace. Your continual assertion of trusting Me will strengthen our relationship and keep you close to Me. The fear of the unknown is a lot less scary when I know that anything that comes my way is simply an opportunity to affirm my trust in Him.
- (Jesus Calling excerpt) Do not fear what this day, or any day, may bring your way. Concentrate on trusting Me and on doing what needs to be done. Relax in My sovereignty, remembering that I go before you, as well as with you, into each day. Fear no evil, for I can bring good out of every situation you will ever encounter. Love everything about this passage.
I could keep going, really I could. I am truly just so excited to see what is ahead of us. I know things will be different and difficult. I don’t anticipate being down an income as being something “easy” to adjust to. It will be different to no longer have “HR Director!” as part of my identity and admitting to not having a job when asked – that’s an area that will continue to humble me but one that also many open up some neat conversations. I know that there is a chance this IVF round doesn’t work – and then we will need to rely on Christ even more to carry us to whatever steps may be next. (But I am thinking positively that this is OUR cycle!!!)
TTC isn’t easy. It isn’t for the weak and it certainly has tested us in ways we never imagined. But there is such a blessing in trials and hardships, reminding our proud selves of our humanity and making it easier to let go when called.