1 day until I start taking my birth control pills. 15 business days left of work. 12 days until we obtain our new meds, finish blood work, and sign all the exciting papers. 32 days till I pull back on a tiny syringe and start my shots. Approximately 51 days till I go into my egg retrieval surgery. AH! This is coming up fast! And slow. 51 days!? I finished my other prescription earlier this week without any significant issues and am glad to have that behind me.
Is anyone sick and tired of talking about infertility, IVF, waiting and wanting yet? I AM! I seriously sit down in front of the computer and feel like a broken record. It’s been almost a year since I started this blog and I feel like I could copy and paste last year’s postings for this year’s postings and call it a day.
WHAT ARE YOU TEACHING ME GOD!?
I have learned that when ready, God is waiting to use our testimony to change lives.
I continue to grow as a person, as a wife, as a friend. I have learned about patience, endurance, strength and grief. I have gained courage to tell our story as one that hopefully spotlights Christ, even though the story is not finished yet. I don’t think I would have chosen this life for us, but now that it’s here, I willingly and joyfully embrace it, excited to see where God will bring us next.
Early today I laid on a table as an Esthetician painfully ripped out leg hairs from their little follicle homes on my thighs. As I winced, she started up with pleasant conversation to distract from the feeling of the firey tingle.
“So, do you have any kids?”
(Whatever happened to “What do you do for a living?” or “How was your week?”)
“No, no kid. (awkward pause). I actually struggle with infertility.”
At this point I am sure I widened my eyes in a “I’m sorry I just spit that out” sort of way. But instead, was enthusiastically embraced with a “Ohmygosh! I struggled with that too!”
Ah, the sweet relief in not having “infertility” be a unmentionable word.
She carried on to tell me about her and her husband’s struggles to have their 2 kids, their multiple miscarriages and their recent decision to stop trying for a third. It was refreshing to hear someone talk so enthusiastically about a battle that I face and to do so with such positivity.
“You WILL get pregnant in May. You will. I just know it. Don’t even think that you won’t. Oh I am so excited for you.” (RIPPPPPPP – KELLY CLARKSON!)
We had the chance to talk about what keeps me going (Faith. Support.) and even though she didn’t acknowledge that we shared the common denominator of Christ, she hugged me at the end and I loved walking away knowing that even though that could been an awkward polite conversation with someone who had no idea what to say, it wasn’t. And I was even able to share a little bit about what keeps me strong and how trials really do bring joy. Unexpected blessings. Deepened faith.
Infertility is becoming talked about more and more and embraced with an empathetic compassion that I appreciate. More and more people are reaching out to a TTC community and sharing their struggles with people, some even blogging about it (gasp!). The support and love I have felt as a result of that has been incredible.
So, as we continue to wait for the next step, I will take this time to embrace the testimony God is creating in us. I love hearing that many of you are sharing our story and this blog with those you know who are struggling with infertility as well. Thanks for passing along your kind words and for continuing with us in this journey. Like I said in the beginning, I feel like a broken record, so when you remind me you are still tagging along, it’s reassuring knowing you still care.
I have to laugh at how many TTC Acronyms we have. I have gotten a few texts recently about people asking “WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!?” in response to a posting or Instagram response. So in closing, here are some of the most commonly used acronyms – enjoy learning my language! : )
- 2WW: Two-week wait (hopefully you guys know this one by now!
- AF: Aunt Flow, that lovely visitor
- BD: Baby dance (bluntly put, having sex)
- BFN: Big fat negative (pregnancy test result)
- BFP: Big fat positive (pregnancy test result)
- CB: Cycle buddy (someone who is sharing the same cycle as you, working towards a BFP!)
- CD: Cycle day
- CM: Cervical mucus (This is so gross to even blog about, but its so commonly used in the TTC world that I had to include it!)
- DH: Dear Husband (darling husband, depending on when – dumb husband. KIDDING! I love you Josh.)
- DPO: Days past ovulation
- EW: Eggwhite (re: consistency of cervical mucus – gross, again I know, but …)
- FMU: First morning urine (what you are supposed to use to test for a pregnancy test)
- HPT: Home pregnancy test
- IF: Infertility
- IUI: Intrauterine Insemination
- IVF: In Vitro Fertilization (I really hope you know this one by now too!)
- OPK: Ovulation predictor kit (this helps women measure specifically when they are going to ovulate … so they can BD!)
- PCOS: Polycystic ovarian syndrome
- TTC: Trying to conceive
Now … to put it into a fake Message Board post that literally, I swear I have seen before – “Ugh, I am on CD20 and yesterday I had EWCM but I didn’t get a positive on my OPK. We will still BD and hopefully my DH and I don’t go crazy during the 2WW! AF better not show her ugly face. I will NOT take a HPT before 14DPO because I don’t want to get my hopes up. Anyone else in the wait and want to be CB?”
And that, my friends, is my language. : ) Thanks for reading along and hope you have a great weekend!