Nailpolish. Notecards. Real Coke (the soda that is). Starbucks. Josh’s jokes. Bookstores. Writing utensils. Coffee mugs. Fuzzy socks. Gilmore Girls. My dog.
All things that I love.
Waiting. Glass half-empty people. Waiting. Not having a baby. Waiting. Medicine that makes me feel icky. Waiting. People that don’t acknowledge your kindness in traffic. Waiting. Breaking a tea bag and flooding your cup with grounds. Waiting.
All things I don’t love.
I started a medication on Saturday that is the first step in prepping for this IVF cycle. YAHOO! It’s been annoying but manageable. I have been on it in the past and my side effects have been similar to those experiences – a headache, some nausea (mainly in the morning), and tiredness. I am 3/10 pills in and know what to expect so I am not too worried – this too shall pass – but am excited for the 10th day to be here too.
In the meantime, I had some bloodwork done last Thursday to test my hormone levels and make sure my baselines were all within appropriate ranges in order to start the medicine – which clearly they were. A HUGE praise! We meet with our IVF consultant team at the end of March (whoa, that’s THIS month!) and are excited for that too. So, guess what … we’re waiting!!!
So here I am, bored in my waiting period, continuing to be inpatient with what is to come. Then suddenly – *ding* – the inbox of my email chimes and I catch the Proverbs 31 Ministries devotional Subject line for the day – There is Purpose in the Wait. I had to laugh. Yes, got it God. Thank you. But I loved the message inside enough to regurgitate for you today. (That’s an attractive word.)
- Even though we are anointed and appointed we may still have to wait. Throughout the Bible we see long, drawn out waiting periods for a destiny to be reached. Why do I think that my life story needs to be any different? I believe in my heart I have been called to a role of a mother – like David was called to the role of a King – but still, the wait may be required. And I have to be okay with that.
- If we allow it, our waiting will bring us to an intimate knowledge of God that we would not otherwise have. The message points out that some of David’s most beautiful psalms were written while he was in the wilderness, waiting on God. Likewise, I feel that this has been the time of the most spiritual growth and inspiration for me. Yes, it’s tough – but in the times of waiting, you learn so quickly that you have to fully lean into Him in order to make the ache go away. We just have to allow ourselves the ability to give it to Him.
- God does not ignore the cries of His children. Ah, how often have we cried and begged and cried some more, pleading with God to intervene and help us. And even though the outcomes and circumstances are different than what we envisioned, God still has never let us down. I have never felt ignored or abandoned – if anything, more than ever, I feel His ache for us.
- Our waiting has a purpose for someone other than ourselves. This one was a great point for me to read – that It’s not all about us. The devotion shared this thought: “Just think of how rich our lives are today because of the wait David endured. We have the comfort, compassion, hope, and healing of the Psalms.” Wow, what a beautiful take away that Josh and my period of waiting may have a purpose for someone else. A humbling thought in acknowledging that and makes me excited to give this time back to God to use.
We all know that waiting is less difficult when we allow God to intervene in our period of waiting. I fully expect Him to continue to move and act, even when time seems to go by slowly and the future is unknown.
I would have been just passing into my 2nd trimester this week had I not miscarried. The time that has passed has healed some of the wounds, as have the prayers and petitions of many for us. I know my babies are in the arms of Jesus, but I still can’t help but look down at my stomach sometimes and wonder what it would be like if things had gone differently. My baby would have eyelids forming this week and would be starting to twitch its arms and legs. It would be about the size of an egg and almost 3 inches long – fully moving out of the embryo stage to the fetus stage. I wish I could be part of that celebration in watching it grow into a little person.
I so adore everyone who is routinely checking in on me/us and echoing the continuation of prayers for us. I greatly appreciate this and it means so much. Your cards, encouraging words, emails and texts always make me smile. Love love love!
So hang in there with us as we chug towards this next journey and adventure! We pray that our waiting has a purpose for someone other than ourselves … and that God continues to work in your lives in your period of Wait!
On a side note – Catherine or Lindsay!? Who will it be!? And what will I do on Monday nights when the Bachelor is done. *Sigh* And I ran across this funny Infertility comic the other day and had to share …
Have a great week!