Why hello friends! It’s been 3 months since I last posted and they have been 3 months unlike any others. This summer has whizzed by, and has been filled with the wonderful joys and exhaustion of having newborn twins. We, of course, would have it no other way! Don’t get me wrong – the hard is hard, but it’s hard with a purpose, laced with joys and answered prayers. Exhaustion due to two little peanuts is far better than exhaustion caused from Lupron shots and early morning monitoring appointments, wondering if it would all be worth it.
There’s no good way to summarize how life has changed. The first 8 weeks were completely disorienting as we worked to get to know our newest family members and discover who we were as parents. Toss in 8 times a day feedings, 16-20 diaper changes, 4-6 hours of pumping (I am exclusively pumping and bottle feeding) and I feel like life was a blur. A wonderful, tear-filled, humbling, redefining blur. Both kiddos struggle with reflux and it took a good 2 months to find the right medicine to help their writhes and wiggles. I vividly recall sitting in the nursery at 2:00 am, night after night, staring at Josh with sleep-filled eyes as we tried everything we read to keep Logan from spitting up more than he was consuming. Josh only got a day or two off of work once we got home from the NICU stay, and we have been incredibly thankful for the family who has stepped up to help out, especially in those early weeks.
Once we hit 10-12 weeks, I feel like a fog lifted! And now they are nearly 17 weeks! Our routine is starting to feel more feasible. Smiles are emerging and Kirsten and Logan’s little personalities are beginning to shine through. The smiles change everything and make every hard, tiring, moment SO worth it. What can we do to make them smile again!? Cue dance moves, silly sung songs, wacky flaily arm twirls and much more. And guys, they are the BEST. BABIES. EVER.
I kid you not, at least once a day, Josh and I look at each other in awe that these two kids are ours. We constantly thank God for blessing us with them in His perfect timing, timing that never made sense to us in the moment, but timing that could only be explained as perfect now. We have been blessed with the most precious son and daughter and knowing that God chose us to be their parents is so humbling and the best feeling of all.
I didn’t want you guys to feel like I disappeared – I am still here! Life certainly looks different than it did 6 months ago. I am in the slow process of learning who I am now as I add “Mom” to the list of roles I play. I miss writing more than I thought and spend the wee small hours of the morning writing in my head, but I miss getting it out as much as I used to. I know there will be a season for that ahead and I hope to dabble in it a bit more as our daily routine steadies even more. But the days, though sometimes long, are short when laced together. In just a week, K & L turn 4 months – a third of a year – and where the time went baffles me. I don’t want to miss out on moments with them, but I also am learning how important it is to also incorporate self care. It’s a fine balance, one I am not even close to perfecting.
I feel like we are in the season of Psalm 34:8a – “Taste and see that the Lord is good…” We have waited and are now in a season of harvest. Reaping in blessings where we had planted and watered in tears years ago. It’s hard work still, but rewarding work. We constantly look at their little fingers, toes, eyelashes, knuckle dimples and think about how many people have prayed for them. It blows us away and we continue to be so grateful for the role you have played in God’s story for us.
Last night was the first night we attempted to move the babies from rock’n’plays in our bedroom, into their cribs in their room. Oh how the tears fell! How are my babies old enough for this next step? I feel the time slipping through my fingers – have I savored it as much as I need to? I close my eyes as I cuddle them close, hoping to imprint everything into my brain and heart – the smell of their post-bath heads, the feel of their tiny fingers curled around my hair, their breathy sighs as they lean into me. This is everything I prayed for, everything God knew He would be providing me in His time.
It’s about time for bed and I am reminded that another day has passed and tomorrow they will be a little bit bigger. I love seeing the new developments they are learning and listening to them finding their voice, but also know they will never be this little again. Oh my heart.
I’ll leave you with a few pictures, and a promise to return again soon…and ask that if you think of it tonight as you close your eyes in bed, if you could pray that our transition to their cribs would go well? Last night went great until the middle of the night, and they have been amazing sleepers thus far and we are hoping that will continue even in their cribs. I would *so* appreciate it!
Leave a prayer request in the comments and know I will be praying for each one late at night when I go to pump. It’s my privilege.
(Newborn photos taken by Molly Sheilds Photography)