friday favorites – february 20.

February 20, 2015February 20, 201516 Comments

Repeat after me – 28 days till spring. 28 days till spring. 28 days till spring. We can do this.

Favorite Dinner Date: Josh and I had the BEST dinner date to celebrate Valentine’s Day. The food was absolutely amazing (Acqua never fails to disappoint!) and it felt so good to sit for a few hours and talk and laugh and catch up. I am so grateful for this man. (Plus the basil mojito’s there are on point. Like, #winning.)

heading out for my 12th valentine’s day date with this hunk!

quick restaurant selfie.

allllll the food we ate. bacon ketchup. GF clam chowder soup. plenty of sugary goodness. All of it, delicious.

his and hers bread. (gluten free and regular — the best treat everrrrrr)

Favorite Flowers: Trader Joe’s had these gorgeous purple wax flowers on sale at $2.99 a bunch this week. Nothing says SPRING COME SOON like a little bit of flowery life in the house. I have a feeling they will last a while too.

Favorite Quote: “I want to cultivate a deep sense of gratitude, of groundedness, of enough, even when I am longing for something more. The longing and gratitude, both. I’m practicing believing that God knows more than I know, that He sees what I can’t, that He’s weaving a future I can’t even imagine from where I sit this morning.” –shauna niequist-

Remember how my last cycle got cancelled due to overstimulating? Well, I should have started a new cycle weeks ago. And I didn’t. No, I can assure you, I am not pregnant. My body just decided to revolt, shake things up a bit, make me wait a little longer and storm the castle of confusion.

We waited and waited. Did some checking, took a monstrous PIO injection used to induce a cycle and then waited some more. Well, even the inducing didn’t work. (And let me tell you, it makes you feel awesome. Um, not.) So on Monday I zipped over to my clinic for some bloodwork and another ultrasound, all showing that my body is truly just trying to be rebellious without a real cause. Yes, a few smaller cysts here and there, but nothing too exciting or unusual for me. So with that news, the doctors plan is just to start another Letrozole (Femara)/IUI cycle and see what happens. They cut my meds down by half, started the letrozole on Monday and finishing tonight, and I will go in next Tuesday to see what’s going on.

Okay, all of this ties back in to the quote, I promise.

So after my early morning, 7-something appointment, I stopped over by Starbucks to make my grocery list and menu for the week. Well, my ‘quick list-making stop’ evolved into a quiet and relaxing morning, watching the snow fall down around me, making me feel like I was in a snow globe, while ingesting the beautiful words above.

Coming out of the appointment I felt pretty apathetic but Shauna’s quote reminded me a few things – one, that I am to be fully and completely grounded in Him, grateful for life even when I am longing for more. It reminded me that God IS weaving a future, even when I can’t see the other side. It reminded me that it’s okay if we can’t see the other side from where we sit right now. (In fact, if we could see the other side, it would omit the need for faith.) It reminded me that above all, regardless of what is going on in my life, that I want to develop into a person of deep gratitude and surrender to the One who holds my future in His hands. And in order to develop into that type of person, I have to focus more on trusting Him then I do on what I am longing for.

I am so thankful this quote lined up with the messy unknowns of another cycle, helping to re-root myself in Him. Let’s do this.

Favorite Date: I got to have an auntie/niece date with my oldest niece this week, and goodness, did we have fun! First of all, how do kids grow up so fast? Scarlett was chatting away and playing jokes on me and using her big, bright, beautiful imagination in ways that awed me. We stopped for lunch, visited a treasure store (aka a thrift store where she, unfortunately, chose a porcelain bell as the most prized treasure she ever did see. I have a feeling I will pay for this one day when I have children who are out with their aunt, hee hee!), and then spent time chatting over coffee at, where else, Starbucks. I love this peanut. Please, stop growing up.

oh you know, just passing notes at the table.

“this is the best thing I have ever had.”

“i love ringing this bell.”

oh this little girl just melts my heart into a million pieces.

Favorite Reminder: Wednesday was Ash Wednesday and I have to admit, I can fall into the routine practices that seasons like Advent and Lent can offer. In trying to be more intentional, I ordered the She Reads Truth Lent devotion book in hopes to focus more on what Lent means. I loved the introduction and how it defines lent: “Lent sets aside time for believers to focus intently on that action which is at the crux of our faith – drawing near to the cross of Christ and resting in the shadow of His sacrifice, glory, and forgiveness.”

I shared online that my prayer for myself is that I use this time of Lent to be intentional about returning to the cross, repenting and mourning the reality of my sinfulness, and remembering the precious gift Christ has given me. I pray that this season becomes more than just giving up something, I pray that we can all press pause and remember just how much we need the cross. If you are looking for a great devotional to use, follow along on shereadstruth.com or download the app. The website offers free devotionals/scripture readings daily while the app charges $2.99 for the plan for its app-functionality. It’s not too late to start.

Favorite Cali Picture: She certainly was not barking at anything right before this. In fact, she too looks confused as to who was yapping at a blowing leaf. (*eyeroll*)

Favorite Funnies:

And finally, congratulations to Kristin H. for winning the giveaway for the gorgeous Wishbone + Gem necklace! We are necklace twins, so fun! Thanks again to Crystal for sharing your talents with my readers!

Until next week – xo!

Q & A part 2

February 17, 2015February 17, 20157 Comments

First of all, is anyone watching the Bachelor? After 5 hours of Chris Soules + ladies this week, I feel like I need a major girl-chat to process everything that went on. Comment below if you watch and what you think! No spoilers please!

In other news, this week is part 2 of the Q&A Series! Thanks again to everyone who has sent in questions. Today we are featuring another giveaway, this time from Fertile Gems, (see more below), and then next week we will wrap this series up with part 3 and onet final giveaway. How fun has February been!? Love it!

OK, let’s dive into some more questions!

Q: Have you ever questioned blogging or had concerns with sharing private things with your work, friends, family, and church home?

A: Great question! Blogging scares me regularly. Every time I press “post”, I kind of feel like I have stripped down and am running naked through the neighborhood. I would rather strangers read my posts than people I know. It’s such a vulnerable thing, writing, and there are times I hold back thoughts or situations to protect the emotions of those closest to me as well. So yes, there are times I question blogging, but not in a way that makes me stop. It puts a good reminder in my heart and mind to be cautious not to hurt anyone with my words and also, to share in a way that’s helpful to others but (hopefully) won’t damage my reputation either, like in a working situation. I always try to write with the mindset that anyone I know may read this, including the person I may be giving a story about. It helps direct my words and mentality, while still remaining authentic and vulnerable. It’s a tango!

Regarding actual privacy, I try my best to keep identities protected and actual locations hidden if people don’t want that shared. If children are being posted on or about, I run it past Mom or Dad. I also try to make sure that when I am telling stories, I am telling my stories, not someone else’s story. Those stories are for them to share and I don’t want to encroach into their story. It can be hard to untangle experiences and emotions at times, but I want to protect the people in my life too. If I am telling a story about Josh, I run it past him first to make sure he is okay with it. I don’t ever want my blogging to cause others to concern their privacy either.

Q: What are your thoughts about acupuncture?

Ha! Remember the first time I went to acupuncture? Rethinking this experience is making me giggle. Acupuncture is something that I have been doing on and off for almost 2 years now and have to say, am still totally neutral on my opinion. I know some people LOVE IT and others HATE IT. I tend to be pretty undecided. That being said, I found cupping to be an extremely valuable part of my healing process when I had significant hormone-related back pain. I also found acupuncture to help my headaches while on Lupron and stimming during IVF cycles. When I was not on medicated cycles however, I didn’t find it to be hugely successful in helping me ovulate/cycle.

However, one thing that I am hugely passionate about is having pre and post transfer acupuncture sessions in the doctor’s office if they allow it. My acupuncturist came into the clinic and I had the most relaxing sessions right before and immediately after our embryo(s) were transferred. It allows time to pray/meditate, breath, and relax. Plus, you are on valium so it’s like you are floating with glee in a magical PUPO cloud.

Otherwise though, do what you are comfortable with and find relaxing. If it relaxes you, great. If you find yourself unable to relax and over thinking whether its working or not, then maybe it’s not for you. I always suggest everyone gives it a try to decide for yourself.

Q: What are the last 5 movies you’ve seen that have rocked your world?

I wish I watched more movies that rocked my world! I actually tend to be a pretty shallow movie watcher. I feel like the “good”, award winner movies tend to be a little violent/profane/sorrow-filled for me. For example, I would love to see American Sniper if I felt my heart could take it, but sometimes emotions overwhelm me a bit and so I protect me heart and just skip it all together.

So I watch movies on the Hallmark Channel or drag my husband to see Night at the Museum 3 (I laughed … and cried) or Hunger Games or the Divergent series. I love me a good Harry Potter film and PG-13 chic flick too! I wish I had a better deeper answer for you!

Q: How do you feel embryos should be handled ethically?

A: We believe deeply that all embryos created have life. We value the fact that life starts at conception and so it’s been very important to us to ensure that all embryos created that develop and process through the viable stages are used. When Josh and I first started our IVF journey, we knew that it could open a door for our family to be larger than we anticipated, knowing that if we had extra embryos to freeze, that we would continue frozen cycles to give them all a chance at implanting and sustaining life.

Doctors offices will give you the choice to “dispose” of extra embryos, donate your embryos to another couple who can’t biologically create a child or have the desire to adopt an embryo, donate the embryo(s) to science, or freeze them for your own family, continuing to make annual payments to the frozen daycare center. We have always chosen and will continue to choose to freeze them regardless of their quality.

When we were embarking into our 4th cycle, we had 1 little Frostie left. You may remember from this post where our doctors suggested us skipping transferring Frostie because of his/her low quality and instead doing a new fresh cycle. It was important to Josh and I that Frostie got a chance, and so we moved forward with that frozen cycle and our little snowbaby. While that cycle wasn’t successful, I am SO glad that we transferred Frostie and I know that God provided us a lot of peace with our decision to do that, even though it didn’t result in a pregnancy.

If you have a similar mindset as we do and are concerned about the abundance of embryos that could be created in a cycle, please know that there are many options to work with your doctor to minimize the amount of embryos created. It may start with stimulating egg production at a slower rate and removing less eggs, therefore creating less embryos, but it is possible. There is always a chance that when that type of cycle occurs and less embryos are created, that you may have to do multiple cycles, but it is worth pursuing and discussing with your doctor as well. If you ever have more specific questions on this for me, feel free to email me.

All of this being said, these are our opinions that we reserve the right to have so if you view things differently or would make different decisions, I simply ask for mutual respect as these are personal and spiritual decisions each couple makes.

Q: Where do you suggest finding support? How have you been able to develop a good system of support on this journey?

A: This journey can feel really lonely when you are fighting it alone, when no one around you understands, and when you don’t feel you have anyone to talk to. One of the benefits about social media is that it gives you the chance to connect with people who are struggling in a similar way as you, while not necessarily having to live close to you. Instagram has been the number one way for me to connect with other women who are struggling. Did you know that you can also create an annoyomous instagram account, not linked to your Facebook, so that you can have a true TTC outlet? You can start simple, by searching for a hashtag! Phrases like #ivf, #iui, #infertiliy, #ttc, #pcos, #endo, #clomid will all give you a SLEW of women who are ready to share and connect. You would be so surprised at how many beautiful true friendships have formed out of a single hashtag!

Meet my friend Karen! We met over Instagram, started emailing and now not a day goes by where we don’t talk, text or skype date. She may live in FL but all that matters is that I have found my “person”! Love you K.

I also run TTC package exchanges every few months that several hundred women on this journey participate in and I have witnessed SO many awesome friendships form simply by being randomly paired up. You can search for things like #ttcexchanges on Instagram too if you want to get connected right away! There are Facebook groups as well. My own personal experience is that forums can be really aggressive and mean-spirited so I try to stay away from them. Some churches have small groups that form with women who are struggling, so checking with your local church is a great option too. Otherwise, use websites like RESOLVE to find other methods of support.

Oh and guess what, our next TTC Exchange, similar to the Mug Exchange, will be kicking off at the end of the month! Stay tuned!

Now it’s giveaway time!

My friend Crystal over at Fertile Gems sent me the most beautiful fertility necklace and we just HAVE to share one with a lucky winner! Fertile Gems creates handcrafted fertility jewelry that is meant to put a smile on your face, remind you to calm down, relax and HOPE. They also include the choice of a gemstone and each gemstone has different meanings.

The necklace we are giving away is similar to this one below – except yours will be in sterling silver and you will be able to pick your own gemstone. (The wishbone is known as a good luck symbol of life and fertility.) If you are interested in purchasing one, I know you won’t be disappointed. Check out her Etsy store today!

This giveaway will last until Friday morning, and then the winner will be announced on Friday Favorites. Everyone ears 5 free entries just for fun! Just include your name / email so I can connect with you if you win. Good luck!

Click Here: a Rafflecopter giveaway

Thanks for sending in some great questions! Next week we wrap this up by talking about the ever-so-big questions about adoption, gluten-free diets, maintaining faith and hope and more!

friday favorites – february 13.

February 13, 2015February 13, 20158 Comments

Another Friday is upon us. (A Friday the 13th nonetheless!) Time for some Friday Favorites, here we go!

Favorite Thing I Am Looking Forward To: Valentine’s Day celebrations! I have a hot date tonight at one of my favorite restaurants with this stud. Yes, this is a picture from our first date, which occurred 12 years ago on Valentine’s Day. We look like babies. Ah, I love this man. Tomorrow night we are enjoying a quiet night in with our pup and fondue. I am grateful to have him standing by my side through thick and thin. Love you Josh!

Favorite Moment: Thank you all for the amazing support on my Fertility Authority ‘5 Things You Want to Tell Your Fertile Friend’ post this week. The response has been overwhelming and I am so thankful it has made many of you feel validated in your emotions and has given you a platform to start some open and honest conversations with friends and families. Thank you to everyone who shared it, clicked on it and read it. That being said, I am sorry so many of you understand what this feels like, but am always grateful when I can share my heart and it makes sense to others.

Favorite Show: My nieces were on fire the other day, putting on several puppet shows for me. Scarlett’s imagination is hilarious and it’s a really good thing that the magic butterfly saved Cali from the evil witch. (Said witch puppet also played the role of the auntie which was a little concerning, but the girls assured me that the puppet was only imaginary and that it could be a witch or an auntie.)

Favorite Celebration: My dear friend Alicia’s baby shower! Without sharing her story, let’s just say it’s fun to celebrate the upcoming arrival of a longley anticipated baby. She’s glowing and radiant! (Oh and my bib won the “best bib” prize and I am now own the cutest Burt’s Bee’s Tips and Toes kit. Yay!)

Favorite Spotting: I saw this sign at Barnes and Nobles this weekend and loved the reminder, while also chuckling about how true it is.

Favorite Gluten Free Product: This Canyon Bread! Goodness, SO GOOD! Target has it on Cartwheel for 20% off at the moment and I tried the rye bread this week and it made me drool. I have always liked Udi’s but this feels and tastes like real, soft bread. If you are gluten free, give this brand a try! It’s in the bakery section of stores, not in the freezer section.

Favorite Winners: Thank you to everyone who entered this weeks double giveaway! I am excited to share the winners! Congratulations to Sara F. who won a copy of Where Did All the Storks Go and Dawn R. who won the TTC Boost Bundle and BFP bundles from Fairhaven Health! I will contact you both for shipping information. Didn’t win this time? Stay tuned for next week where we have another giveaway featured with our next Q & A post!

Favorite Funnies:

Have a great weekend friends, see you next week! XO!

5 things you want to tell your fertile friend.

February 11, 2015February 12, 201511 Comments

Ever been there? That place, that moment, when you look around the room and realize you are the only person without kids? The conversation drifts in and out as you refresh your thinking “was up all night with johnny .. so tired .. love when they snuggle all morning … watched too much tv yesterday with them … need a night out … love them more than I knew was possible … love the boppy, although I would recommend … ” You catch snippets of conversation, knowing that you have nothing to offer and for just a moment, you want to weigh in and let your friends know these 5 things …

{click here to continue reading}

Thanks for clicking to continue reading and supporting my writing at Fertility Authority! Please feel free to share this post as much as you can within the next month – your views matter! And I’d love to have you weigh in and share what you wish you could tell your friends with kids – comment there or here!

Also, it’s not too late to enter the giveaway for your chance to win a copy of Where Have All the Storks Gone? A His and Hers Guide to Infertility by Michelle and Chris Miller or a fertility pack with a TTC Boost Bundle for Her and a BFP Test Strip Little Bundle. Read the previous post to enter or Click Here: a Rafflecopter giveaway.

See you Friday to announce the giveaway winners and share some Friday Favorites!

Q & A part 1

February 10, 2015February 10, 201528 Comments

I am so excited to launch this Question and Answers series this month, which will be combined with questions you have sent in and featuring some fun giveaways too! (2 packages today, more to come!) Thanks to everyone who submitted a question – if you don’t see your question answered in this post, know that there will be 3 parts so yours will make its way to being answered. Also, if you didn’t get a chance to send in your question, it’s not too late! Check out the Contact page for the best way to connect or leave a question in the comments below.

Here we go!

Q: Do you have any fiction book recommendations that you enjoyed that touch on infertility in some way?

A: I know many of you went out and read What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty and have shared that you loved it! I’m so glad! I have three other books that stand out as a good read with infertility story lines. The first is The Baby Trail by Sinead Moriarty. It is written by a British author and I found it to be hilarious. There are 2 follow up books to this book character and I liked all of them. But this first one is especially relatable to many and I found myself laughing out loud and feeling incredibly understood at the same time. The other book is Barefoot by Elin Hildebrand. While the infertility story line isn’t the predominate feature, it does touch on the emotions and uses language many of us would be familiar with. The third and last one is The Things We Do For Love by Kristin Hannah. I loved this one too. All three of these are non-Christian books so there are mild/moderate adult language and elements, but nothing I wouldn’t allow my Grandma Jones to read. (Hi Grandma Jones!)

Q: What about non-fiction books? Anything that touches on infertility that’s great?

A: YES! So many I love. The first is Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist. If you have read my blog for any period of time and haven’t gotten this yet, please do! Her personal essays touch on miscarriage and struggles to conceive in a Godly way (however is not the focus of the book) and this is one of my favorite books of encouragement, relate-ability and hope. (UPDATE: And today only, the e-book is 0.99 on Amazon and Barnes and Nobles!)

The second is a book I recently read called Where Have All the Storks Gone? A His and Hers Guide to Infertility by Michelle and Chris Miller. This book is a funny, touching read, written from both her perspective and his. Her point of view talks a lot about the first steps you take when you learn you are fertility challenged, a great list of questions to bring to your OB/RE, some great advice on how to ignore the comments you wish people didn’t say and what you can expect with medicated cycles and IVF. Michelle does a GREAT job with this! And then the “his” perspective – Chris talks openly and candidly about things like preparing for the changes to the “just having sex” lifestyle, learning how to read semen analysis results, the lessons he has learned as a husband throughout the journey and touching on how he keeps his sanity and stays married through it all. I am SO glad I got to read this book – it was a lot of “you too!?”. It’s funny and touching and I will go ahead and let you know, has a great ending. In fact, I like this book so much that the publisher and I are hosting a GIVEAWAY for you to win a chance to get this book for free! Yeah! Enter below – the contest will end this Friday and the winner will be announced with Friday Favorites. Be sure to enter! (If you don’t win, I would still highly suggest grabbing this book. You can find all the ordering details on their website – www.wherehaveallthestorksgone.com) (This too is written from a secular perspective but is very tasteful!)

The third book is Every Drunken Cheerleader – Why Not Me? By Kristine Ireland Waits. This book is HILARIOUS. It’s written by a Christian author and I am so encouraged and touched by this challenging book. It’s written so that you can relate to it if you are struggling with infertility but also is an amazing resource for those who are supporting someone who is struggling with infertility. There’s an entire chapter (or two) that answers the questions they have like How can I help? What should I do? What shouldn’t I do? When and what should I ask about? How can I best support my friend during this? If I could give a copy to everyone I know, I would. This book is fabulous.

I have many other book suggestions listed under my Reading Resources page so check those out too!

Q: What helps you get though the 2 week wait? Are there any fun activities that help you get your mind off of things?

A: Let me just start by saying 2 week waits (2WW) suck. Never in my life have I known 14 days to take so painfully long. That being said, somehow they do pass. During this time I like to pretend like it’s not happening, while also recording every detail of every day. Makes sense right? I briefly write in my journal each day and this actually has helped keep me sane when reflecting back and reading other 2WW entries. I realize I am crazy EVERY 2WW which somehow brings comfort that this wait isn’t extra special. But anyways, to pass the days, I love to pack my days full of distractions. Coffees with friends (decaf of course!), trips to local and free museums or zoo’s, movie nights, girls days, mall walking (but no buying anything! Never clothes shop under the effects of progesterone.), painting my nails, and doing some gentle yoga (or swimming if you have that option). Things I DON’T suggest you do – Google. STAY OFF OF FORUMS, CHAT ROOMS, AND 2WW symptom websites. I repeat, DO. NOT. DO. THIS. You will drive yourself batty and set yourself up for waves of pointless emotions because you can’t truly count yourself out of this cycle at 3dpo (3 days past ovulation) simply because your left boob doesn’t hurt as much as your right. And don’t start taking tests at 5dpo. They will never show up as positive and you will waste pointless tears. My friend Lisa once told me “I would rather be hopeful and positive and convinced I am pregnant for 13 days and utterly devastated on day 14 if I am not, then spend 14 days in nervous, scared anticipation of failure.” I love that and live by that each 2WW now. Embrace the time you have, even if it doesn’t end the way you have hoped.

But my best advice is to stay busy. I have goals to make a 2WW bucket list for my next wait – it will keep me busy and distracted! What about you? What do you like to do to keep yourself busy during the 2WW?

Q: Are there any pills or supplements you have tried that have worked well or that you would recommend?

A: This is a loaded question! I know SO many people have differing opinions on this so I will keep this brief and allow you to do your own research as well, but here’s what I would loosely recommend*: CoQ10 for egg quality (stop taking this once you get your BFP), Vitamin D (studies showing it increases your fertility), Folic Acid/Prenatal vitamin, and Melatonin (said to play a role in hormone secretion and improve egg quality). Now there are always other supplements that others use and try that are still scientifically unknown if it helps increase fertility, but certainly have positive outcomes and stories! Fairhaven Health is an online source for many of these products and I am excited to try some of the products they sent me recently, like their brand of CoQ10, FertilAid (used to enhance fertility and support overall reproductive health) and FertiliTea. I have heard so much about this tea for preconception and am excited to give it a try! I will keep you all up to date with my thoughts but so far, I am impressed!

That being said, it isn’t fair for me to get stuff and not you! So I am teaming up with Fairhaven Health to offer one lucky winner a GIVEAWAY package of two if their most popular products – valued at nearly $100! The TTC Boost Bundle for Her includes FertilAid for Women, OvaBoost, and FertileCM to encourage hormonal balance, cycle regularity, and to promote fertile-quality cervical mucus and the BFP Test Strip Little Bundle is designed to provide you with the ovulation and pregnancy tests, consisting of 15 BFP Ovulation Test Strips and 5 early detection BFP Pregnancy Test Strips. I can’t wait for someone to give this all a try! Thank you to Fairhaven Health for your generous donations – ladies, check them out and enter for this giveaway below! This giveaway will end on Friday as well and the winner will be announced with the Friday Favorites.

Well that’s it! I have managed to tackle 4 questions and I am excited for the next post in this series, hitting questions like How do you ethically handle embryo creation during IVF? and Where do you suggest finding support on this journey? Can’t wait to answer!

Okay without further ado, here’s how you can enter to win the book and the awesome Fertility package! You will enter using Rafflecopter and it’s super easy – just provide an email so that I can contact you if you win for a mailing address. You can earn more points if you follow me on Instagram, share this giveaway using social media, subscribe to my blog, or leave a comment but regardless, everyone still earns 5 free entries! Can’t wait to share these products with you!

Click Here: a Rafflecopter giveaway

* The opinions shared on my blog are based on my own thoughts, experience and knowledge gained throughout this journey. I am not a doctor or health professional so please consult your own doctor before making any changes to your health or TTC plan. It’s important for you to advocate for yourself and make your own decisions based on your health care providers plan.

friday favorites – february 6.

February 6, 2015February 6, 201512 Comments

You guys – your overwhelming support and validation over my last post – relapse – reminded me of why it’s SO important for people to be open, vulnerable and authentic. Thank you to everyone who connected with comments and love. I don’t know whether to feel comforted by or cry over the fact that well over a 100 of you reached out and said ‘me too’. To everyone who understands this feeling, I am so sorry. I am so sorry you have felt this too. Now, I urge us all, don’t get stuck. I know it’s hard, so hard, but please, promise me you will keep moving past the anger. Anger is sticky. Anger is flammable. Anger is toxic. Anger has to be dealt with and is okay to feel, but after a point, we have to dust ourselves off and move past it because otherwise the anger will consume us and we will become permanently bitter. When we begun permanently bitter people, then infertility wins. And under NO CIRCUMSTANCE do we give infertility that power. Stay strong friends and thank you for meeting me in the dirt and reminding me that the roller coasters of emotions are okay.

Now onto Friday Favorites!

Favorite Flashback: This Jimmy Fallon ‘Saved By the Bell’ sketch this week was the ultimate ‘flashback’. I mean seriously, the original cast members are in their 40’s and they were looking GREAT! Such a fun blast from the past.

Favorite Instagram Pin: Wahhhhh! A few people tagged me so that I saw the new show line made by Sahnda Marie Kids. I mean, look, mini Starbucks Velour shoes. If my heart didn’t already ache for tiny baby things, it’s now official. Aching and loving. If only I could justify this purchase. SO CUTE.

Favorite Tip: I have yet to find a brand of gluten free breadcrumbs that I love for cooking so I make my own! SO EASY! I just buy a bag of gluten free bread (I use Udi’s), throw it on a cookie sheet and toast it in the oven, leave it out for a while so it’s nice and crisp, and then pulse it in a little food processor. I sift out the larger pieces and reblend them until all of the toast is finely powdery. Store them in an air tight container and season as need for each recipe. Sometimes I just add a little salt, or some italian seasoning or leave plain – I make up a batch in bulk and it’s fast and easy and has the same consistency as real breadcrumbs.

Favorite Date: I got to spend some quality time with my sister this week which was just the best. We took advantage of a groupon at a local bistro and then roamed the mall while catching up. I am so blessed to have a sister who I can have deep, real, meaningful conversation with and our time together just filled me up. She really is amazing (and beautiful).

Favorite Cali Pic: Cali’s Auntie Bella (yellow lab) drives her a little crazy, but she wouldn’t of course fully admit that. Cali’s hilarious little diva attitude has her thinking that Bella should play by her rules and I actually think Bella gets a kick out of that. This weekend there were two pictures that made me chuckle – the first, Cali and Bella outside. This was taken right after Bella and Cali got tangled up walking and Bella tried to sit on her. The camera came out, Bella turned into a perfect sitting angel and Cali stood there like “what the heck just happened mom?!”

The second picture is from when Cali was sitting on the stairs at the cabin and Bella came down to the top of the stairs and wanted to pass her. Cali just wasn’t having it and was completely irritated by this big dog trying to take her stair space. This series made me chuckle.

Favorite Selfie: I found this awesome fur hat in Josh’s dads truck (SO WARM!) and being the weirdos we are, a husband-wife selfie had to occur. I love this guy.

Favorite Meal: We got to eat halibut cheeks this weekend, caught from an Alaskan trip Josh’s dad was on and whoa, they were delicious! They tasted like crab claw meat and I am drooling thinking about them right now. SO GOOD. And clearly gone fast because I only got a picture of the last one.

Favorite New Friend: Wednesday night I got to spend time with my girlfriends, hanging out around the kitchen counter, painting nails, eating snacks, laughing so hard. Finally around 10:30 or 11, we pulled ourselves from the counter and snuggled up on the couch to watch Man in the Moon when my new BFF, Bentley, came over to snuggle with me. I mean, seriously, if Cali only knew, she would be so jealous, but we won’t tell her now will we?

Favorite Funnies:

That’s it! Hope you have an awesome weekend. I’ll see you next week for our first Q&A series post, plus the first of three February giveaways! YAY! Until next time …

relapse.

February 2, 2015February 2, 201540 Comments

I hate relapsing.

That painful part in your journey when you suddenly find yourself falling 5 steps backwards, for no reason, and instead of feeling sad or tired, you feel angry. The kind of anger that burns your stomach and temporarily blinds you, like it’s a physical fury bubbling up through your veins.

Anger relapse is among the worst, for I would rather feel sad. At least when I feel sad I can be comforted. But no, anger is a different emotion. Anger makes me want to backhand anyone that heads into my path. My mind spews thoughts and words that can only be described as venomous. There is no logic with anger. I can understand the intent of everyone and still burn with anger. On my anger relapse days, I seethe. I am angry that I am still here, waiting, it’s been so long. I hurt. I am tired of my patience being tested. I am tired of being told just to trust God or that this will be worth the wait. These reminders on my Angry Days only bring frustration because don’t you think I know this?

I have moments where I want to go off on every person complaining on Facebook. Shut up! Don’t you realized how blessed you are? I am so sorry school is closed today and you have to spend time with your children. Boo frickin hoo.

I want to run around and find every piece of sugar, carbohydrates and gluten in my house and shove them in my mouth at a rapid fire pace. Don’t you see, none of this even matters? Still here. Still stuck right here.

I can’t answer my phone on days like today. My brain and lips are too closely connected. An innocent comment on the other end will only risk impulsive words being spoken.

On my Angry Days, the intensity of this emotion scares me. I am angry at myself, feeling foolish for the days I believe so fervently that this will one day happen. I feel angry that deep down, I still believe He is in control and has good, unpredictable yet perfect things planned for us. Even with that, it hurts so much … I feel angry that we keep getting passed, lapped, relapped, forgotten about. How is it so easy for some? And those it’s hard for, well, even they are making this look easy. (again “easy” – remember the logic factor is tossed on days like today.)

I am angry because I know how hypocritical all of this sounds. I am immediately slapped with guilt because I know we are the ones blessed. I know that every Facebook complaint I read has been echoed by a complaint of my own. Oh our house just doesn’t have a deck. Oh my husband has such chatty moments, always at the end of my cable tv show. Yes, my big tv, that I have to dust. Ugh. My life. It is so disgusting that I can even for a moment judge someone for complaining when I do it all the time. Add another anger coin to my stack, this time at myself.

I have two choices on Angry Days – feed the fire (let it burn baby, let it burn, let’s see how high we can get this flame) or douse it out. The later is less fun.

Feeding the fire: It’s been nearly 6 years. THEY have (1/2/3/4/5) children. WE don’t deserve this. THEY don’t appreciate their gifts, WE would appreciate it. That Superbowl commercial was insensitive, not everyone is a Dad. NO ONE GETS IT. I hate pity words, how dare they throw that insincere bandaid statement at me. This is never going to happen for us, is it? Have I just been strung along this whole time? Where have I missed the sign to get off this path? You know how many times we could have traveled Europe? My insurance sucks. How. Much. Longer.

Please tell me you have been here before. Oh it burns so bad. My anger isn’t directed at God, it’s a combination of anger at myself and then the rest residing in this cloud that is hovering above my head.

With the fury still burning in my heart (how could I forget my anger at my lame eggs, the eggs that clearly suck because we are still here), I do what any person trying to “douse the fire” does. I passively flip through my devotions, breeze over some Bible verses, completely uninterested in putting out the fire, because well, once the flames are flying high, the sizzle and heat feels strangely good and comforting.

But then, there it is. The verse that I was meant to read. Esther 4:14 “Who knows if perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this?”

Just like that, a splash. A gentle reminder that maybe, just maybe, I am allowed to struggle with infertility for just such a time as this. For such a time as to be able to be right here, right now, writing this post. I do believe that our skies will someday part and that I will be able to look back and think perhaps it was all for this. If I am being even more honest, reading this verse makes me angry too, because I know it is true and it really rains on my flame-raising thunder.

I’ve been given a bucket today, but the fire isn’t out. The bucket is now in my hands to slowly make the trip back and forth, from the watering hole to the fire, dousing out each flame, each smoldering coal that wants so badly to burn bright. The humanness in me wants to continue to add lighter fluid, yet the part of me that has to continue to fight knows that it’s time to let the flames tame down. Self control with my thoughts is so very hard.

Relapse days. They offer us such choices. But the anger, well, it is only hurting me. (And whoever crosses my path.) It brings damage to relationships, it pulls off the scab on my heart and it takes a lot longer to let the coals cool then to make them hotter. I don’t want to deal with burning coals tomorrow. I want to put this day behind me, oh so far behind me.

5 steps backwards but now it’s time to take a step forward. Time to walk this well worn path, trailing in the footsteps of a stronger Chelsea who already cleared this road. Time to grasp His hand and allow Him to lead me away from the campside and down to the gentle stream. Time to move.

friday favorites – january 30.

January 30, 2015January 30, 201517 Comments

Another Friday is upon us. This week has felt long to me but I won’t complain – Friday is here!

Favorite Reunion: Josh spent the weekend away with our church’s senior high youth group and Cali and I were so happy to see him come home on Sunday evening. He’s a (volunteer) small group leader there and was with on their winter retreat, so let’s just say he came home plenty exhausted. Good thing for him, Cali is always willing to take a nap! Like father like daughter! :)

Favorite Dessert: Monday night ushered in a work event with our medical staff and lucky for me, the dessert on the menu was a piece of gluten free cheesecake – the size of my head. I mean, whenever someone offers you free cheesecake …. you eat it. (And take home the leftovers). YUM!

Favorite Quote: “Trust is a golden pathway to Heaven. When you walk on this path, you live above your circumstances.” –Jesus Calling –

Oh how I long to be someone who routinely lives a life of trust, living above my circumstances. Isn’t it easy to get so wrapped up in the worry and wonderment of it though? But as this devotional pointed out, circumstance-based living often gets us on a path of agonizing turns and knots, with heavy air and dark, ominous clouds. I want to live in the air above the heaviness, in the air where I trust that because God loves me, everything really will be okay. Everything. That doesn’t mean everything I want will come true and I will never suffer, no, we all know that the realities of life makes those dreams impractical No, God promises that He is directing our paths in such a manner that we don’t have to live in the world of doubting every agonizing turn, but instead, trusting that IN THOSE TURNS, He is present and working and faithful. The thought of this brings peace to my heart.

Favorite Goodbye: Parenthood ended its series on NBC last night and while I don’t want to say anything that would ruin it for anyone yet to watch, I will say it’s been a wonderful run and that it was truly the best finale I’ve seen. I basically was a puddle on the floor for an hour. This show is one of the best and will be so greatly missed. (I probably will need therapy from my grief with this being over.)

Favorite Cali Picture: Cali loves to try to sit on my lap while I am getting ready in the morning and this week proved no exception. I love this picture of her patiently waiting at the bottom of my stool for me to pick her up. Oh and yes, her sitting on my lap is the most inconvenient thing ever – and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Favorite Healer: I had a week where I haven’t been feeling great and was particularly struggling on Wednesday night with a mild tummy ache and an awful headache. My desperation to feel better after a long day made me willing to try a new remedy – Peppermint Young Living Oil! This peppermint oil rubbed on the back of my neck took my headache away so quickly and a tiny drop mixed in my water settled my stomach. I was impressed!

Favorite Post: I am hoping by now you have seen the beautiful Guest Post featured earlier this week, written by one of my best friends Jana. I still have goosebumps over the beauty of her writing and the way that it has connected with so many of you in a variety of ways. As a friend, I am so proud of her bravery in sharing her struggles on such an open and public forum, many of you can understand how vulnerable that can be, and as a PCOS-cyster and infertility-struggler, am so touched by the encouragement of her ability to turn a tough battle into something that points to Him. Her reminder that “the loss of an envisioned dream is still loss.” but that “pain can often bring purpose… if we allow it to.” struck a chord with many of you and I am so thankful for her wise words. It doesn’t matter what you are going through – waiting for “The One”, dealing with a painful marital separation, mourning the loss of a child, stressing about a financial situation or praying that you find a new job before you lose your mind – take comfort in these words: ‘He is the one guiding us in each and every step and He has never failed us.’ Keep trusting!

Favorite Funnies:

And with that, another Friday Favorites comes to a close. If you haven’t already sent in your question to be answered in February’s Q&A series, consider this your last reminder! I am SO excited to tackle this list, there have been some awesome questions asked! February also will feature a few fun giveaways and should (hopefully, God-willing) usher us into our next IUI cycle. Let’s make this a great weekend! See you soon!

guest post – secondary infertility.

January 27, 201525 Comments

I am privileged today to share with you a guest post by one of my dearest friends, a post that has touched my heart in a profound way. I often get questions from readers about secondary infertility and while there is a similar word shared – infertility – I am unfamiliar with how to relate to the complexity of emotions that arrive when a family wants to grow just a little more. Jana has been willing to open up her heart and story in a vulnerable and real way and I am blessed to breathe the same air as this woman. Please join me in reading Jana’s journey below, both with secondary infertility and as a newly diagnosed “cyster”, while celebrating the beautiful workings of our God who is always involved. I adore her and after reading this, I know you will too. Enjoy!

Ignorance is bliss. Or is it?

When Chelsea asked me to write a guest post on secondary infertility I told her that I felt completely incompetent because our struggle to conceive has been shorter in comparison than most other infertility stories out there in the blogosphere. We haven’t experienced several years of infertility. We haven’t experienced the immense heartache of a miscarriage. We haven’t even been through a failed IUI or IVF cycle. And yet, the deceiving chatter in my head that I sometimes believe is that I shouldn’t be so discouraged with our struggles to conceive since we already have been so immeasurably blessed with two lovely children. This then only makes me feel horribly greedy and ungrateful for wanting another. And so the cycle continues… Desire. Discouragement. Guilt. Desire. Discouragement. Guilt.

Then I realized (with the help of a gracious reminder from Chelsea) that the chatter in my head was keeping me from telling our story. My hope is that in sharing it with you, you will be encouraged to know you’re not alone. I also want to share with you what we have learned throughout this journey and why we have peace even among the setbacks.

There is nothing to be ashamed of for desiring another baby – don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Those of us whom struggle with secondary infertility have our own unique set of ignorant comments from well-wishers. Along with the “you just need to relax” comments, we often get “just be happy you have one <or in my case two> child(ren). Do you know how many infertile couples would love to have just one child!?”, implying as if our desires for wanting another child isn’t valid. And we’re constantly reminded at preschool that practically all of the other mommies around us are either pregnant or toting around a new little bundle of joy and telling us how lucky we are that we get to have a quiet moment to ourselves for a few hours while our kid is at school. (I won’t disagree that the break is nice but oh, what I wouldn’t give to have another baby instead of alone time at Target.) And how can I forget that wonderful question of “So when are you going to have another baby!?”.

It doesn’t matter if you’ve been trying to conceive for 3 months, 1 year, or 10+ years… the loss of an envisioned dream is still loss. And the struggle of infertility is both physically and emotionally painful. But I’m a believer that pain can often bring purpose… if we allow it to.

A couple of years ago, I was at a conference where Beth Moore spoke to us about “Birthing Purpose”. She so beautifully and intricately wove in how our painful experiences birth PURPOSE in our lives. I could go on and on about the significance of this weekend in my life and how it prepared my heart (that is another blog post all together)… but, little did I know that just a few months after hearing this powerful message, we would be at the beginning of our infertility journey.

(Here are the highlight notes from Beth Moore’s message that weekend – so powerful!)

Today I want to share with you why I wouldn’t change our infertility story and that there has been a purpose revealed to me through this trial.

I never thought infertility would be a part of our story. When my husband and I decided to start trying for our first baby, I remember being so ignorantly over-confident that it would happen just perfectly according to our plan, honestly speaking, during the first month of trying. Oh how quickly my confidence changed after my first experience of peeing on that stick and getting a negative result. I was crushed but found hope in trying again that following month, however another failed cycle absolutely devastated my spirits. My husband traveled for work quite a bit during our season of trying and I actually demanded he return home for “prime time” baby-making one weekend (he didn’t complain…ha!). The 3^rd time must have been the charm and we welcomed our beautiful daughter, Chloe, into the world on Easter Sunday in 2009. Her birthday was the most beautiful day of my life and I immediately experienced euphoria in my new role of being a mom.

Fast forward a year and a half later and it was time to start trying for #2. WHAM. 1^st month trying and we were pregnant. We were blessed with our son, Clayton (Clay), in June of 2011. We fell madly in love with this flawless little boy and I couldn’t have imagined a more perfect life than the one we were living. Life was good, and as cheesy as it sounds, I felt like all my dreams were coming true.

Shortly after Clay’s birth, we went through a couple of big life changes. I stopped working and became a full-time SAHM. We also sold our house and moved in with my parents for 5 months while building a new home. Despite all the joyous blessings going on around me, I was rapidly gaining weight and found myself crying all the time for no reason. I was diagnosed with post-partum depression 9 months after Clay’s birth. I began taking depression medicine and started an intense workout regime 6 days a week trying to attain my pre-pregnancy body (which honestly wasn’t anything perfect before kids either… I have always been a yo-yo dieter battling the same 20-30 lbs.) For the first time in my life I loved working out and felt amazing on the inside, but my physical results were lacking despite my best efforts, resulting in a total weight loss of 1 measly pound after 10 intense weeks. Shortly thereafter, I stopped working out and quickly put on an additional 20 pounds (likely due to poor sleep habits, mental/physical stress and exhaustion.) Little did I know that my body was working against me and I was experiencing insulin resistance and hormone imbalances due to an unknown PCOS condition.

I was so discouraged with my weight and overall health so we put off trying for baby #3 until I could get back down to what I thought would be a healthy starting weight. Despite making extreme changes to my diet, (a whole foods approach with balancing proteins, fats & healthy carbohydrates, as well as drastically reducing my sugar intake) combined with trying too many home workout videos to count, it felt like it was impossible for me to lose weight. I beat myself up multiple times daily feeling like a big fat failure. This wasn’t an issue of willpower as I was trying harder than I had ever tried. I knew something was wrong but couldn’t figure out what. My husband was soooo supportive and validated my efforts, but I still felt so alone in the battle. (At this time I still was unaware of my PCOS condition.)

Although my health wasn’t where I wanted it, we decided it was time to start trying for baby #3 to complete our perfect family planning timeline. I had always responded very well to pregnancy and actually felt (& looked) my best during those 9 months. I was that annoyingly cheerful “I love being pregnant” woman that most pregnant women love to hate. When it came to trying again, I was ignorant to believe that since we had no problem getting pregnant with Chloe & Clay, we would have the same luck the 3^rd time around.

The first few months of trying again were the toughest… there were lots of tears and too many dollars spent on name brand pregnancy tests. We were 9 months into trying when I had my annual exam with my OBGYN. I had informed her that my cycles were regular but ranging from every 24-32 days. I asked for blood tests to be done but she said we should try with an ovulation kit and to come back in a couple months. She assured me in her flighty tone of voice that I would be pregnant next time I saw her. I left that appointment in tears and feeling defeated.

After 2 more months of getting positive results on ovulation predictor kits (OPK) and perfectly timed sexcapades, I returned to my OBGYN’s office still not pregnant. (I didn’t know at the time that I was actually getting false positives on the OPK’s which is common with PCOS.) My doctor finally agreed to order FSH & Estradiol blood work samples and do an Hysterosalpingogram (HSG). My results all came back normal and we were given our options for going forward. Given our diagnosis of “unexplained infertility” and the fact that I’m approaching 35 years of age, the doctor highly recommended that I see a fertility specialist. I walked out of that appointment completely dumbfounded.

“Fertility specialist!?” I questioned. I thought she was going to give me the magic Clomid pill and we’d be on our merry little way to having our perfectly planned little family in just a few short months. “How did we even get here!?” I kept asking myself.

I made our appointment with the fertility clinic and we were able to get in just one week later. My husband and I sat with the Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) as he began to thoroughly explain in detail what happens in the body of a woman with PCOS. I was aware of what PCOS was but didn’t think I had the typical symptoms, so it took me quite a few minutes to realize that he was politely informing me of my destiny. Within minutes I was in the exam room having an ultrasound and blood work drawn to confirm that his diagnosis of PCOS was, in fact, correct.

I was in shock but mysteriously felt peaceful and free. I felt like I finally had an answer to so many health related questions that I’ve had for over 15 years. (digestive issues, unexplained weight struggles, bouts of depression, etc…) Since being on the proper medication since my diagnosis (Metformin for insulin resistance & birth control pills to help regulate hormones), along with my continued healthy diet & regular exercise regimen, it has already significantly helped me with weight loss and my overall health. My body is FINALLY working with me and I feel the best I’ve felt in years! Praise God!

(Note: If you are struggling with infertility or secondary infertility (even if it hasn’t been a year yet), I strongly urge you to schedule an appointment with an RE. I regret not going in sooner. I learned that OBGYN’s can help you once you get pregnant but a fertility doctor’s main mission is to help you GET pregnant.)

Most significantly, I have been overwhelmed with gratitude when I think of what a true miracle Chloe & Clay are. Most people are diagnosed with PCOS in their teens or early twenties. Most are able to conceive but rarely without the help of fertility medicine and interventions. The only reason I found out that I have PCOS is due to our struggle trying to conceive baby #3.

I know this might sound crazy, but I feel like God has answered my prayers with this diagnosis – prayers that I didn’t even know I was praying. If it weren’t for infertility, I don’t believe I would have ever known about my PCOS and I would have continued to battle the health and weight concerns that have held me in physical & emotional bondage for too many years of my life. While the weight struggle is far from gone post-diagnosis, I now have an answer to the “why!?” and that answer is such a gift to me.

I have come to the conclusion that ignorance is NOT bliss.

The ignorance of not knowing I had PCOS all these years has been hard not only for me, but for my family & friends too. They have watched me beat myself up emotionally every single day over the last 15 years wondering “what is wrong with me!?” (I don’t have the typical PCOS symptoms so I believe that is why it went undiagnosed all these years.) Though I would never ever choose PCOS (it totally SUCKS– can I get an amen soul cysters!?), I am grateful for the answer I have going forward and what it means for our family and for my health. I am finally free to be the best version of me and that will greatly impact the type of wife, mom, daughter, sister & friend that I can be to my loved ones. This unwanted diagnosis may have saved my life and certainly saved my heart from being broken any longer. I am living today with a grateful heart and a clear vision of my purpose… to bring Glory to God in everything He has called me to do.

Two birthdays ago, I began a new tradition of meditating on a key Bible verse for the entire year. I wanted the verse to correlate with the age I was turning. When I turned 33, I selected Matthew 6:33 as my year verse.

When I turned 34, I selected Psalm 34 because I couldn’t choose just 1 verse from this entire passage of His promises. Meditating on these powerful Words from God these past 2 years has been such a blessing to me. To quote the title of Chelsea’s blog, I do believe trials bring joy if we seek God’s kingdom first and praise Him even in the valleys of our broken hearts.

I will end with this prayer that I prayed almost 1 year ago when I was pleading with God to help me fully give this area of my heart to Him. I wanted to start living a life full of His intended purpose for me. I vowed to not let another year of my life be in vain and prayed that I would bring Glory to Him in everything I say and do going forward.

Lord, I’m ready to give birth to PURPOSE for this painful struggle that has held me in bondage and taken away my attention from you. God, help me, guide me, lead me, and speak through me that I may birth something that means something. That I will be obedient and I will submit to you so that I may bear fruit. Lord, help me be disciplined and open to the calling which you have given me. I pray that the right people will come along side of me to encourage me as I go through this journey and Lord, I ask that I will be a person that mutually encourages them to fulfill the purpose you have for their lives also. God — You are STRONG. You are MIGHTY. You have OVERCOME the oppressor. I have no fear for YOU are with me and holding my hand as I give birth to Your purpose for me. Amen. (March 7, 2014)

What a humbling experience these last couple of years have been. I want to explain that my prayers to lose weight all these years have never been in vain but rather that I would come to peace to accept my body just the way God made me. I believe that accepting my PCOS diagnosis and infertility struggle is all a part of this journey to acceptance. I’m not “broken”… I am fearfully and wonderfully made for a clear PURPOSE destined by God. How comforting it is to know that He is the one guiding us in each and every step and that He has never failed us. We feel led to go forward with our first IUI in just a few weeks. Prayers are appreciated as we continue on our journey! :)

“friday” favorites – january 23.

January 24, 20154 Comments

Let’s pretend today is Friday, okay?

Favorite Mail: My friends are the best, really. Remember how I had a hard day last week, followed by a cancelled cycle on Friday? Well, it was like God prepped everyone in advance to mail out cards and goodies prior to my tough day(s) so that the love poured in when I needed it most. I am so totally spoiled by the best community. Thank you all deeply.

Thank you Vanessa! I want to frame this adorable card.

Elisha over at waitingforbabybird.com/ cheered me up with prayers and chocolate! WIN!

Matt and Karen sent love from Florida … these friends have been so faithful in their support and prayers over the years!

My Person Karen sent a boxful of goodies – magazines and bookmarks and other thoughtful “me” things. What a thoughtful surprise! (And this photo doesn’t do it justice.)

THIS! How many of you know I collect Starbucks mugs from all over the world? Well, I do. And my friend Heather completely surprised me with a package containing this AWESOME mug from a Boston Starbucks. In fact, I’m drinking from it as I type this! I love adding this to my collection! Heather, you’re wonderful!

Favorite Memory: Our Girls Retreat Weekend was the best ever. We had SO much fun getting away for a few days, relaxing and eating and laughing so hard. (The best kinds of soundless laughs too, where you can hardly catch your breath and you momentarily fear that your lungs won’t come up for air.) I am so blessed and grateful for these women in my life. We topped the weekend off with a significant prayer session for one another and His presence was tangible. I love my people.

Late night – take 15253. We tried.

Make-up free, silly shows on the lake. Love these girls.

Looks like we are in the tundra right? Nope, that’s just standing out on the lake up north. Gorgeous though right!?

What girls weekends are made of – 80’s movie’s, snacks, cider, and blankets. Not pictured – nail polish, late nights, all that girly stuff.

Favorite Selfie: While getting ready to leave for work on Wednesday morning, I stop, dropped and selfied with Cali – she even sort of participated? Okay, so maybe not but still, I love this pup.

Favorite Blog Quote: My sweet friend Heidi over at People, Place or Things wrote this great post this week about taking time to refill yourself and perhaps it’s because I am a similar season as she was writing about, but this quote hit home: “Lately, my days have been filled with activities that drain me. And that’s fine and necessary and life. But, I haven’t been as intentional about balancing my calendar with commotion that fills me. Like taking baths.” I love that she acknowledged that part of life is doing things that may be draining and necessary, but it was a great reminder that I also have to be intentional about balancing in things that refuel my spirit, which I haven’t been as good at lately (There’s that words again, intentional, I get it!) So thank you Heidi for reminding me that even midst seasons of busy and need-to-do, self-care needs to be on the list too!

(image from Heidi’s website)

Favorite Share: I have been slowly trying to take control over the chemicals and germs that take over our house and lives and have found Norwex to be a company that does an incredible job creating other alternatives. This week I got to host a party with several girlfriends and had a Rep share more about what I have been learning – it was so fun and educational! If you are interested in learning more, let me know. Or if you are interested in placing an order with my online party, the link is open until Tuesday and you are invited to do so. (http://lovemycloths.com/) – enter Chelsea R as host or if it doesn’t work, still send it in and let me know and she can move your order to my party.

Favorite Gift: My dear friend Holly met up with me and shared this story with me – last September she was away at a conference and this necklace caught her eye. She wasn’t sure why she was supposed to buy it, but she did and she tucked it away and waited. Well, because God is God, He began to make it clear to her that this necklace was meant to be given to me – which is crazy because when she bought the necklace, we hadn’t even met yet! I love how God orchestrated this beautiful encouragement to me and also used her heart and generosity to bless me so. Arrows are a beautiful symbol in the infertility journey. They remind us that “an arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it’s going to launch you into something great.” There is such encouragement in the draw knowing that there will be, at some point, a release, a simple and swift motion that will change the momentum of it all. So Holly, thank you. Thank you for blessing me with this God-given reminder and acting on it. Once I have “launched”, I can’t wait to pass this necklace on to the next girl who is in the slow and painful process of being drawn back.

Favorite Funnies:

There you have it! My “Friday” Favorites. (*wink* *wink*). Thanks to everyone who has been emailing over questions for the Q&A series coming up in February! I am soooo excited to dive into these – keep sending them over! Whoooo hooooo! Have a great weekend friends.