month 45.

New month, new excitement! Josh and I started another cycle last week, hoping that it’s our last. I was able to take a few days off of work which was lovely and it gave me a chance to start the medication while off, which was a gigantic blessing. Of course, this month, I have felt minimal side effects, as in none, which I am trying to decide is an answer to prayer or a sign that it’s not working (sometimes the brain just doesn’t stop!). Regardless, it’s a good month! We ushered in our 7 year anniversary, are walking into a weekend of celebrating Josh’s 30th birthday and will find out on Monday if I have developed any follicles, if they are the right size, and how the uterine lining looks. Assuming all goes well, next week holds shots and an IUI. Sounds like the perfect ingredients for a baby, right?

I heard a sentence today that shook me. “I have everything I need to do everything God wants me to do.” Pause. Wait, no, I still need a child to fulfill what God wants me to do. No. Talk about a reality check that God’s will has nothing to do with my will, nor does it have anything to do with what I want. Even more, a reminder that I have everything I need to do what God has called. Everything.

There is a danger in thinking doubting thoughts. “Carefully guard your thoughts because they are the source of true life.” (Proverbs 4:23) I need to remember that whenever there is something that tries to get into my brain that is inconsistent with God’s truth and promises, that I need to spit it out. My thoughts tend to drive my day and my mood.

 “…the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true… noble… right… pure… lovely…admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things. (Philippians4:7-8)

This verse doesn’t say think fearfully and with discontentment or to have anxious thoughts and a critical nature.  It says think about whatever is right and pure and lovely and admirable. My focus is to mediate on THESE things. Not the other. Because when I focus on HIM and His truths and His promises, I become a different person, the person I was intended to be.

People often ask me how they should pray for us. And while I want to say pray for the miracle of us having a child, I know that may not be God’s will. What I ask you to do is pray for Josh and me to have wisdom during these months. To have peace with whatever God’s will is. To have physical relief from the cycles and their side effects. To have patience in His timing. To show Himself to us during these hardships and draw us even closer to Him. To equip us to someday be great parents, but if not, to be the best aunt/uncle/godparents we can be. And to pray that God’s blessings continue to fall over us.

Big appointment on Monday morning! Keep us in your prayers and thanks as always for all the love and support. We are truly blessed.

3 thoughts on “month 45.

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