The People’s Choice Awards seem painfully awkward to watch this year! I can’t help but multitask and blog as I watch the lame jokes and crickets chirping. Is this even a real award show?? As I sit on my couch though, I can’t help but savor this time when the house is quiet and life is calm. I watched my TV show when I came home from work, I made a dinner that didn’t require being cut into tiny pieces, leisurely read my new magazine, will take a quiet bubble bath shortly … I know life won’t always be like this. Sometime soon, I will have to make a dinner that can be grasped by tiny fingers. The house will be filled with the songs of Sesame Street and the magazine subscriptions will likely end, or at least change to parenting ones. Instead of bubble baths, I will crash in bed. Those days will be wonderful. But, until those sleep deprived days come, I will enjoy every single second of this life. Life is just too darn short, and there are too many unknowns to be worrying about tomorrow. To wish for something different. Let’s not let today pass by wishing for a different life. We are exactly where we are meant to be. I will likely look back on these days and wish I worried less about the future and enjoyed the moment more.
My appointment on Monday resulted on wonderful news …. We were pleasantly blessed with the news that there was no residual sac or tissue in my uterus that would require us having to make ANY decision from the earlier 3 choices. My tubes looked great and the ectopic pregnancy was ruled out. I thankfully passed the majority of it this weekend and my levels dropped substantially. I will return to the clinic next Monday and hopefully those numbers will have continued to drop and soon be negative. I can’t even begin to tell you the relief we feel with this answered prayer! THANK YOU for praying!
Infertility is brutal. Those going through it have had too many doctors visits, blood draws, probe exposures, highs and lows, tough calls and difficult decisions. We used to be terrified of needles and now we slide that thing into our belly as easy as we pop a chip into our mouths. It can feel so serious, and it is. It hurts and I can’t pretend like it’s all a joke. We try to be so polite about infertility, say the right thing, make it a polite experience. But its sucks way more than that. The feelings are too … big. But I do find laughing through the tough days to be a good coping mechanism. ( Q: How many infertility patients does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Screw in a light bulb? Hmm, do you think that would work?) Sometimes, you just have to break the ice in your own head. It can be too much to carry. Give yourself permission to cry and be angry, but also give yourself permission to laugh at the cruelty of this.
In the end, we survive! We will defeat this. It doesn’t always seem “fair”, but “those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.” (Ps. 126:5). Hang in there. Take your Thing and give yourself permission to be real with your emotions. Savor the day for what it is. And keep fighting. God is ever present. He is fighting with us, for us. Keep the faith, sleep while you can, and save your money …. because this reproductive disease is expensive!