Ready for some great news? I am officially a PUPO! Now for those of you who haven’t heard that expression before, its one used often in the TTC community – it stands for Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise.
And I can’t wait for the day when I can drop the –UPO.
Let’s rewind. Last I left you, we were sharing and celebrating in the exciting new of having the opportunity to transfer our last embryo, God willing it made the thaw. We were so blessed by all the pledges of prayers and encouraging words we received. God brought a supernatural calm about the transfer and even when my nerves started to act up, He blessed me with Josh who would calmly de-escalate the situation and remind me Who was in control.
So let’s walk through these last few days, starting with Friday!
Each transfer Josh and I go out to breakfast together and celebrate our “last meal” as a two-some. This time was no different. We headed back to the place we went to the times of our first and third transfers since both of those cycles resulted in pregnancies. Walking out of the house I gave Cali a last kiss goodbye as an only child (God willing!) and we were off!
The embryologist and I had a long talk the day before and she let us know the thaw would start at 9:45 am. She said that typically embryos don’t always look great right away but once they are back in the incubator they perk up. She said this process takes up to an hour and they would know by 10:45 if it wasn’t alive/viable. GULP. She said if it wasn’t viable, they would call us and let us know not to come in. She said the only reason they wouldn’t call and it may end up not transferable is if it was hanging on so close that they were taking it minute by minute. She did reassure me that thawing success at my clinic is extremely high and she had high hopes for our little one.
Trust me, 9:45 – 10:45 seemed like the longest hour! Thankfully we were at breakfast, then heading to the clinic so we were a little distracted. When no call came at 10:45 we both had a big sigh of relief! There was still hope! As soon as we checked in, we asked the lab for an update, only to find out that Frosty was doing great and completely viable for the transfer. PRAISE GOD! I may have gotten emotional. *surprise*
Fast forward to acupuncture. Amazing. I so highly recommended doing a pre and post transfer session in the clinic the day of your transfer if that’s an option. Truly, I still am unsure about acupuncture itself, but the treatment that day is so incredibly calming and therapeutic. I was wrapped in warm blankets, a heating pad, slightly high on Valium and had 30ish minutes of peace and quiet to simply pray and prepare for what was ahead.
Then the nurse came and got us. We felt like seasoned professionals at this point. Yes, take this. No, won’t do that. Yes, can do this. Change into this, yes. Sign here, okay. Please wait.
(Side note: Our first transfer Josh annoyingly nicknamed our embryos (Daniel) Boone and (Davy) Crockett, who apparently had some impact on hunting. He always talked to Boone and Crockett and was constantly met with an eyeroll from me but somehow those names stuck. So it only seemed fitting for Frostie’s sibling to make an appearance at the transfer.)
After that, it all happened quickly. We met our doctor, a new one for us. She told us she liked to listen to Norah Jones during transfers which was fine by us and reminded us of family who likes to listen to Norah. We got to see the picture of Frostie and heard the great news that he/she was hatching. (An embryo hatches from its outer shell once its developed enough and is moving on to find a new food source. This shows strong development of the embryo. And guess who gets to be its new food source … ME!) It was the most comfortable, pain-less transfer to date. Once we saw little Frostie get transferred, I was so emotional. We made it to this point. God deserves so much glory.
Some more resting. More acupuncture and then we were sent on our way for 48ish hours of bedrest. Josh and Cali take such good care of me while I am immobile. Well, Cali mainly just crowds me out and is always watching me, but Josh takes care of meals, pillow resituating and puts up with endless amounts of girly DVR shows.
Hey Josh, my feet are hot. Can you take my socks off?
(3 minutes later)
Hey Josh, my feet are cold. Can you put my socks on?
Hey Josh, I’m thirsty but this water isn’t hitting the spot. Can I get a ginger ale?
Hey Josh, I have to go to the bathroom, can you help me up?
Hey Josh, I’m hungry.
Hey Josh, Cali needs to go out.
Hey Josh, I’m hot again. Can you take the socks off and crack the window?
The man is a true saint, I kid you not.
So the next few days we relaxed. It’s been cold out here so being indoors is fine by me! We even had our first couple snowfalls while on bedrest. Of course none of it stuck but it was magical and reminded me of Frostie.
I am feeling good so far! I have been allowing myself brief activities each day, like a 30 minute venture around Target simply to walk around. Or a relocation to a coffee shop to sit with my book for an hour. I even took a brief walk up and down the street although Cali was slightly uncooperative since she apparently didn’t think I should be walking around.
And now we wait. Gosh, God has been teaching me so much during this wait. In past waits I have been extremely anxious. And at the beginning of this wait I was too. Day 2 was hard for me as I started to compare how I felt this day 2 to the other past cycles. Having many other cycles to compare it too feels like a curse, as I would give anything for that blissful excitement that the first wait brought. Anyways, Josh and God continue to remind me that if this baby is meant to be our on-earth baby, then NOTHING will prevent that from happening. God is in complete control and I am nothing but a vessel at this point. I have felt a sense of calm wash over me and I am so grateful for His peace. I know that if I am pregnant, it’s all in His miraculous doing. And if I am not pregnant, than He will scoop us up and comfort us once again. There is nothing I can do at this point except take care of myself and the embryo inside of me.
I know many of you often ask what you can do or how you can help someone struggling with infertility or recently going through IVF. Truthfully, meals are such a big blessing. On the days I can stand and cook, the issue is that I can’t get the grocery bags from the cart to the car and from the car to the house due to my lifting restrictions. And while Josh is a great helper, grocery shopping isn’t his forte (3 hours later for a list of 10 things) and I would much rather see him in the evenings after being home alone all day. We have been so blessed with meals in the past (and this time too!) so this isn’t a passive way of asking for meals for US, but it’s a helpful hint of what you can do for a friend going through a similar situation. Even if you aren’t a cook, a gift card to a local restaurant makes the world of difference. (Again, this isn’t said for US but for you to help someone else in a similar situation if you are looking for a way to. And I guarantee that they will likely tell you “No, it’s okay!”. Do it anyways. Drop it off on their door with a note. Don’t make a big stay out of it. Most of the time we are often on showering restrictions too and the thought of someone seeing us with day 3 old greasy hair is embarrassing.)
So now what – well, I do have some specific prayer requests –
- “Tomorrow” is the day in my past 2 cycles where I have started bleeding and/or spotting. It is so scary to see and I just pray that I can make it through tomorrow – and God willing the next days – without having to deal with the awful scariness of early bleeding. Please pray for calmness in my heart as I face this.
- Continued peace and assurance that God is in control. He is our Hope and I don’t want any over thinking to cause me to lose glimpse of His peace. The devil has some nasty schemes!
- For Frostie. At this point, if it’s going to become a baby, it has attached already. Now we need to pray that it sticks there and makes itself comfy for the next 9 months. It if hasn’t attached already then it hasn’t been receiving its nutrients and the cycle is over without us knowing it yet. Please join us in prayer that it has implanted, in the right place, and correctly, and that my body doesn’t reject it.
We continue to be so blessed by your texts, your prayers, your encouragement, your notes. We feel strongly that if this baby is meant to be the baby we one day hold in our arms, nothing can stop God from making that happen. I reread this quote yesterday and was struck by how true it was:
“Worry is allowing problems and distress to come between us and the heart of God. It is the view the God has somehow lost control of the situation and we cannot trust Him.” Ah. Such truth. We have no reason to worry. God has proven time and time again that He is still in control of this situation and that regardless of our human emotions, He can still be trusted. We need to go to Him with each worry and turn it into something that brings us closer to Him, instead of something that makes us doubt His goodness. For example, when I am worrying “Oh this embryo isn’t going to implant. I am going to have to go through this all over again.”, I reject that thought and immediately turn it into a prayer (drawing me closer to Him) – “God, I pray that you would place your hand over our embryo at this moment and help it to implant. Give me the reassurance that you are present and capable of whatever our future holds.” In changing our worrisome mentality, we immediately stop the devil in his tracks and gain power from the one who sustains.
So that’s it my friends! Thank you for joining us again on this journey. I hope to report back with some miraculous news sometime in the next week or two! Virtual HUGS!