a plan.

Alright, who out there is wondering why I have a blog about “the pursuit of a baby” and yet, haven’t talked about our infertility journey in ages? Gulp. You’re not alone! Truthfully, after our last failed IUI cycle in June, I have been so burnt out on the thoughts of pursuing treatment, wondering what’s next and ultimately, questioning where God wants us to go. The words be still echoed in our heads and for the last several months, we did just that. Breaks and cycle detoxes are so necessary for us in this long journey, but at the same point, are hard because we feel so strongly about starting a family and helpless as to how to get from here to there.

So, we spent the last several months praying. Praying for a change of heart if that’s what God wanted, praying for direction, praying for peace, praying for healing, praying for wisdom. And after A LOT of praying, I am so excited to say …. WE HAVE A PLAN!

Boring information: The Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine (CCRM) is among the top 5 fertility clinics in the country and has been utilized by many with difficult unexplained infertility cases. Dr. William Schoolcraft (doctor to Bill and Giuliana Rancic if anyone followed their infertility story) opened the center back in the late 80’s and since then, their clinic has been recognized for clinical excellence and advanced research with infertility. Now, traveling to Colorado hasn’t really been an option for us but has always been in the back of my mind.

So that being said, long story short, Dr. Schoolcraft and a Minnesota doctor, Dr. April Batcheller, opened a satellite office of CCRM in Minneapolis late last year. (About 20-some miles away from home.) WHAT!? After many prayers, God really opened Josh and my hearts up to take a step towards this clinic for a final cycle using reproductive assistance.

This is it ladies and gents. Both of us have a lot of peace about consulting with CCRM for one last IVF cycle. One more egg retrieval and God-willing, an embryo transfer that will hopefully result in answered prayers for our family. We will be consulting with Dr. Batcheller in TWO WEEKS (February 18th) to discuss what this decision would look like and of course, get her medical opinion on our case given our history with reoccurring pregnancy loss and PCOS.

It’s hard to believe we haven’t been through an IVF cycle since 2013! Gasp! It seems painfully long ago and at the same time, like it was yesterday. We did medicated IUI cycles in 2014/2015 but used our last embryo in October of 2013. Wow. Time flies. And since then, I have been diagnosed with Factor V and now know how much this blood clotting disorder without treatment could prevent pregnancy. We feel blessed to know that potentially going into treatment again. We also know that technology and research has improved since 2013 and that a new set of eyes could be just what God has planned.

I want to be clear – in no way do we feel that utilizing IVF is limiting God. In fact, we feel very at peace that He has led us down this path (again) and will continue to offer up our hopes to Him for direction. Everyone’s paths are different and uniquely orchestrated by God. We believe that only God can create and sustain life and feel blessed by the ability to utilize the medicine wisdom of the physicians as He has provided us with.

Do I feel nervous about entering this world again? YES! Do I feel hopeful? YES! IVF is one of the most physically strenuous battles I’ve gone through but one that I will so gladly endure for the chance of a family. I am so grateful for the chance to try this one last time, again God-willingly.

We are unsure what the doctor will say to us on the 18th but we are offering up our hearts desires to the Father who not only understands all our hopes, but planted these dreams in our hearts. I have been challenged to face my fears in exchange for faith in His perfect plan, whatever that may be, whatever the outcomes are. God is so faithful in directing our hearts and guiding us in His perfect timing.

So now my dear friends, can I humbly ask you for prayers once more? Specifically:

  • For our consultation appointment on February 18th.
  • For continued wisdom, guidance and endurance as we (hopefully) walk towards this path again.
  • For God to open and shut doors as only He can.
  • For peace in our hearts and provision for the financial undertaking that could be ahead.

As I write this, Colossians 3:17 comes to mind: “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” This is our prayer: that this journey, this battle, this fight, would be done in the name of Jesus. We wouldn’t be standing if it weren’t for Him. Our ultimate goal is not to have a family, but to honor Him in all we do and that He would be glorified in our story.

So, February 18th. The countdown is on. Lord, this plan is yours!