Alright, who out there is wondering why I have a blog about “the pursuit of a baby” and yet, haven’t talked about our infertility journey in ages? Gulp. You’re not alone! Truthfully, after our last failed IUI cycle in June, I have been so burnt out on the thoughts of pursuing treatment, wondering what’s next and ultimately, questioning where God wants us to go. The words be still echoed in our heads and for the last several months, we did just that. Breaks and cycle detoxes are so necessary for us in this long journey, but at the same point, are hard because we feel so strongly about starting a family and helpless as to how to get from here to there.
So, we spent the last several months praying. Praying for a change of heart if that’s what God wanted, praying for direction, praying for peace, praying for healing, praying for wisdom. And after A LOT of praying, I am so excited to say …. WE HAVE A PLAN!
Boring information: The Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine (CCRM) is among the top 5 fertility clinics in the country and has been utilized by many with difficult unexplained infertility cases. Dr. William Schoolcraft (doctor to Bill and Giuliana Rancic if anyone followed their infertility story) opened the center back in the late 80’s and since then, their clinic has been recognized for clinical excellence and advanced research with infertility. Now, traveling to Colorado hasn’t really been an option for us but has always been in the back of my mind.
So that being said, long story short, Dr. Schoolcraft and a Minnesota doctor, Dr. April Batcheller, opened a satellite office of CCRM in Minneapolis late last year. (About 20-some miles away from home.) WHAT!? After many prayers, God really opened Josh and my hearts up to take a step towards this clinic for a final cycle using reproductive assistance.
This is it ladies and gents. Both of us have a lot of peace about consulting with CCRM for one last IVF cycle. One more egg retrieval and God-willing, an embryo transfer that will hopefully result in answered prayers for our family. We will be consulting with Dr. Batcheller in TWO WEEKS (February 18th) to discuss what this decision would look like and of course, get her medical opinion on our case given our history with reoccurring pregnancy loss and PCOS.
It’s hard to believe we haven’t been through an IVF cycle since 2013! Gasp! It seems painfully long ago and at the same time, like it was yesterday. We did medicated IUI cycles in 2014/2015 but used our last embryo in October of 2013. Wow. Time flies. And since then, I have been diagnosed with Factor V and now know how much this blood clotting disorder without treatment could prevent pregnancy. We feel blessed to know that potentially going into treatment again. We also know that technology and research has improved since 2013 and that a new set of eyes could be just what God has planned.
I want to be clear – in no way do we feel that utilizing IVF is limiting God. In fact, we feel very at peace that He has led us down this path (again) and will continue to offer up our hopes to Him for direction. Everyone’s paths are different and uniquely orchestrated by God. We believe that only God can create and sustain life and feel blessed by the ability to utilize the medicine wisdom of the physicians as He has provided us with.
Do I feel nervous about entering this world again? YES! Do I feel hopeful? YES! IVF is one of the most physically strenuous battles I’ve gone through but one that I will so gladly endure for the chance of a family. I am so grateful for the chance to try this one last time, again God-willingly.
We are unsure what the doctor will say to us on the 18th but we are offering up our hearts desires to the Father who not only understands all our hopes, but planted these dreams in our hearts. I have been challenged to face my fears in exchange for faith in His perfect plan, whatever that may be, whatever the outcomes are. God is so faithful in directing our hearts and guiding us in His perfect timing.
So now my dear friends, can I humbly ask you for prayers once more? Specifically:
- For our consultation appointment on February 18th.
- For continued wisdom, guidance and endurance as we (hopefully) walk towards this path again.
- For God to open and shut doors as only He can.
- For peace in our hearts and provision for the financial undertaking that could be ahead.
As I write this, Colossians 3:17 comes to mind: “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” This is our prayer: that this journey, this battle, this fight, would be done in the name of Jesus. We wouldn’t be standing if it weren’t for Him. Our ultimate goal is not to have a family, but to honor Him in all we do and that He would be glorified in our story.
So, February 18th. The countdown is on. Lord, this plan is yours!
48 thoughts on “a plan.”
I am proud of you for recognizing that you needed to take time away from all of the madness and just be. I will be praying for you and Josh as you head down this new road and that your new doctors and team with CCRM can help make your dream come true. The Clarkes will be rooting for you!!!!
P.S. we meet Dr. Rosen on the 25th to begin another FET soon. I have been experiencing all of those mixed feelings myself!
Blessings my friend!
AHHHH! I am so excited for you guys and your appointment on the 25th! Such big prayers heading your way! S will be an amazing big sis!! Thanks for your excitement and prayers for us as well … your support along the way have meant the world to us! Love you!
Chelsea, I am so excited for you & will be praying! How exciting! My husband & I are in the process of looking for a Reproductive endocrinologist outside our normal OB physician to explore our options as we have been trying over two years & are unsuccessful. I also have PCOS, but was told it isn’t severe enough to inhibit a pregnancy. And like you, I am from Minneapolis! So I was excited to see this information you posted. We may check it out as well.
Thank you for sharing your life, your struggles, & most important your faith & love for God.
I will be praying for you & your husband during your visit! I will also be praying that you will get pregnant & have a healthy baby in your arms very, very soon. God bless you!
Thank you so very much Vicki, for your willingness to share your story, as well as offer up hopeful prayers for us. It means so much to us! Yes, I would certainly look into them as an option. I love that you are from the Twin Cities too! I will be praying for you and your husband as well to grow as well. Baby dust + love sent!
Thank you for sharing your plan with us. Yes, I was curious, but I have learned that most people are comfortable providing info in their own time. That being said, I was so exited to read that you’ll be utilizing CCRM. As you are aware, it is near and dear to my heart. There are too many CCRM success stories to count, and I hope upon hope that you guys will be one of them. I will wholeheartedly be thinking of you on the 18th, and will be here to support you in any way I can (in addition to ongoing prayers)! 💗
Yes! I thought of you with CCRM of course! :) I am hopeful that the answers we have so far can help them in the great puzzle that is infertility. Thank you for all the love and support and prayers!! Hugs!
Very exciting! I am feeling very hopeful for you as you take this next step. I can’t wait to hear how your consult goes!
Thank you so much! I will be sure to keep you all posted and appreciate your excitement! :)
I feel like I got all caught up on this story by reading your beautifully written letter. I could not be happier than to know you are moving forward in this direction. From your writing it is clear your hearts are prepared for any answer that comes on the 18th and over time. I will be praying most certainly for all the aspects that come with a decision like this, but especially for God to work through the talented team you have found to grow your family from the cutest pooch ever to one (or more) additional members who come in time to walk on 2 feet instead of 4. Thank you for sharing. Such stories shared so expand the network of support and that can make all the difference, being held up in the uncertain hours and sharing the celebrations also along the way.
Awww! Your beautiful comment made me smile and filled my heart! Thank you Julie! I am certain Cali would love a little sibling and appreciate your thoughtfulness in your reply. Thank you for praying and being hopeful with us! <3
Thank you so much for sharing dear friend! I’m so inspired by how much you share and thank God for you!!! So many prayers are going up for you!! Love you!!
Katie, thanks so much for your love and support. Know you are in my prayers as well and I am cheering us BOTH on to have 2016 pregnancies! Love you girlfriend!
Very exciting! It sounds like a great plan. Everything seems to be lining up just perfectly… Like it was meant to be?!?!? Sending you two lots of positive vibes for your upcoming appointment!
Thank you! Your excitement means so much! :) XO!
Friend. Cheering you on. I love how God opened this door for you and 20 miles away? Praise Jesus! Believing, praying, cheering. Here for you for whatever you need. Fully believing that NOTHING is impossible. No factor V or blood clot disorder can stop HIM!
So very grateful for not only your prayers and support, which obviously mean the world to us, but also, your praising of Him in ALL things! Thank you for being an encouraging source of Truth and prayer for me!
Congratulations on a wonderful plan! We are at CCRM with Dr. Schoolcraft as our doctor right this minute. You’re in amazing hands!! I am so glad he has opened the satellite clinics.
Oh my goodness, how exciting! I love that! I wish you the very best on your cycle with him too. I am so thankful he has too – what a blessing to not have to travel to receive the quality care of CCRM! Baby dust!
Will be in prayer for you guys. Love your hearts!
Thank you so much Sharon! It means so much to us!! :) And I don’t say that lightly, it really does!
Thanks for sharing your plan. As a Reproductive Endocrinologist, I can verify that Dr Schoolcraft and CCRM have a very high reputation in every way. I’m very happy for you! I’ll be praying for God’s direction, provision, and peace in your hearts. And I’ll be praying for a baby for you; there’s nothing wrong with praying for your heart’s desires! Many blessings to you. (In case you’re interested, my website: http://www.drcarolministries.com )
Thank you so much Dr. Carol! I appreciate your validation on the clinic as well as the prayers you are offering up on our behalf. It means a great deal to us and we don’t take that lightly!
So excited for you!! Sending lots of prayers!!
Thanks Michelle! :) Those prayers mean so much to us! Hugs!
Great plan…and yes, He has provided us with this amazing science and technology. Go with your heart and I wish you all the BEST!! xoxo
Thanks you so much for your support and wishes! XO!
So exciting! I really like this that you wrote – in no way do we feel that utilizing IVF is limiting God. When my husband and I found out we couldn’t get pregnant on our own, I struggled with going forward with IVF because I didn’t want it to seem like I didn’t have enough faith. I’m praying for you guys and support your decision to go forward in this way! I will pray for a miracle! Followed The Rancic’s road to a family the entire way so I think it’s so cool you get to use this amazing practice…thinking of you all!!
Thanks girl! I really feel so strongly about it … thanks for your prayers and support and pleas for a miracle! It means so much to us. HUGS!
Pursuit of baby is definitely hard. And it can be made harder by continuosly making life about it 24/7. Even if it is a main part. We all need a break! Im so excited for you to be trying ivf again – it sounds like you will be in the best hands! Much love and baby dust xx
I agree that it easily can be all consuming when left unchecked! Breaks are so important! Thank you so much for your excitement and baby dust! Hugs!
All the best to you as you continue down this road. (HUGS)
Thank you so very much!! Hugs back!
Great news for this clinic!!! You are so right to hope! I’ll think of you xxx
Thanks so much dear! xox!
Praying, praying, praying, praying, praying! I so want this for you, and i am often praying for you. Lord, give this girl the desires of her heart! xoxox
Thank you so much for those prayers Kate and your continued support! So thankful for the long standing support of blogger friends like you! <3
Having a plan is so exciting! So glad God has revealed to you to path you are supposed to take. Praying for you always! You WILL be a mom one day! 😊
Thank you so much for those prayers Krisi!! <3 Thanks for your encouragement too!
I didn’t realize that you had Factor V as well. I was diagnosed last month and have been struggling to understand how this can affect my infertility. Any knowledge you could impart would be great. I really, really hope this cycle is it for you. You’ve struggled for long enough! *hugs*
Hi! I feel so blessed to know that I now have Factor V! What I have learned is that by using a blood clotting medication, like lovenox, after a transfer or positive pregnancy test, will work miracles. Definitely talk to you doctor about it so that you feel you have a good grasp on what it means! I take baby aspirin all the time now and make sure to walk around while flying or sitting for long periods of time. I feel so hopeful now that you know you have it!!! Answers means you can work towards correcting them. Baby dust!
This is great news!!! Wishing you all the best during the crazies x
You really have a way with being so thorough and really evaluating your circumstances, but you do it all from such a positive perspective, no matter what it seems. I admire your enduring faith and your strength. I’m so happy you and your hubbs have a plan! I will continue to pray for you and your journey.
How exciting that you have a plan in place to move forward. I completely understand the need to take time off as this journey is very overwhelming. I hope that your consultation is successful and I will be praying for you. xo
Our last cycle was also in June! We’re battling the numbers game money-wise right now, but it’s always nice to hear when people are in the same boat as you.
I will pray for you and your husbands journey.
I’ve been reading your blog for a while (finally got my own)– just wanted to say this post brought a smile to my face. The journey is so confusing with so many unexpected twists and turns and I just feel at peace knowing you have a new plan and a new hopeful path.
Prayers coming your way! I am excited for you both. It had to be a tough decision to go through IVF again. I’m sure you are very excited and nervous, too. I hope you sleep well in spite of those emotions and I hope your new doc brings light to your journey.
Seriously Girl, How did I miss this update?! I just saw it when I started reading your latest blog post. Now I need to go back and finish the one I just started!!